Book Review: While You Were Out: An Intimate Family Portrait in an Era of Silence, by Meg Kissinger

First of all, if you believe mental illness is either moral failing or a curse from ‘God’—move along, You will not be swayed. My own family, I’d say starting with myself, has been ‘cursed’ with depression. Several of us have been hospitalized. 1 committed suicide (in retrospect, i wonder if it was because he was gay in an era when that was not permitted). I’ve had several friends who’ve committed suicide.

Back in 2011, I posted this blog about Dan London: https://disparateinterests.wordpress.com/2011/06/16/looking-for-a-dog-grooming-job-in-chicago-part2/ He decided that if I wouldn’t make money for him, I would work for nobody—-including myself. He even posted a blog about how ‘mental’ I was. Well, he’s long gone, He had wanted to work in the pet industry, so he took an inheritance & opened a dog grooming business, even though he had never even brushed a dog and had no dog groomers. A bully, like Trump, who thought it made him look—what? More intelligent? More sane? He was out of business in little over a year, having stiffed several groomers, Wage theft is illegal, but if you close your business, you never have to pay.

This book is a memoir of a Catholic family, and how 1 of 8 children realized that something was seriously wrong, and nobody was doing anything about it. They were all in denial, particularly her parents. This was how it was, even though her mother had been in a mental hospital due to depression and anxiety several times. Mom knew she didn’t want more than a few children, but you all know how the Catholic Church is: they have a hold on women, for some reason. It wasn’t until Kissinger was an adult, and became a journalist addressing how the mentally ill were treated in the USA, that she put the pieces together. By that time, it was too late: 2 of the 8 siblings had killed themselves.

We now know that mental illness is caused by many things, but it is partly neurological factors that affect our psychology. There are many more effective treatments than there were even as recently as 20 years ago.

Kissinger has good recall, and of course, in retrospect, she was able to explain to herself and then the public what was going on. Nobody suggested counseling when the kids were growing up. She was directed by her father to call her sister’s suicide an accident (you know, you can’t get into heaven if you kill yourself). They were active in their church, and that’s where they found peace.

If I was going to suggest anything, having been through the evaluation process several times, I’d tell anyone suffering chronic sadness to first ask a physician for an evaluation, and possibly a referral to a psychiatrist. Psychiatrists, who are medical doctors, are more expensive than psychologists (who are NOT physicians. Their degrees are in the ‘arts’). Psychologists can’t prescribe drugs—which is why so many are getting away with prescribing ’emotional support animals’ (live security blankets for the entitled).

Now, you can find psychologists online, which may make the process easier. Usually, after an initial meeting, you can tell whether you have a rapport. I learned from studying general psychology that in counseling, some people get better, some people stay the same, and some get worse. It’s the luck of the draw. YOU must take control of the process. If the dynamic isn’t good, you have to keep searching. However, I remember when an internist suggested I try Prozac. he told me it would take several weeks to feel results. within 3 days, I felt better. A clear indication that drug therapy works!

Another book. somewhat similar,not a memoir but a ‘histiography‘, is Robert Kolker’s Hidden Valley Road (an Oprah book club selection in 2020, for what it’s worth). This is more ‘creative nonfiction’, and contains a simple history of treating schizophrenia in the United States. Autism was also treated this way, and obviously, all mental illnesses are related in some way: a brain chemical issue to some extent. his is about a family of 12 children (Catholic, of course, where Dad decides when mom is finished with child bearing). Several of the kids wound up with schizophrenia. Is there a genetic link? There could be with all mental illness, like heart and kidney disease, even diabetes.

Not to be flip, but we Jews developed the concept of psychology and introspection, and may be more willing to deal with issues. I don’t know that there’s statistical evidence, but something to think about.

Tags: America, annnoying things, books, integrity, politics, Robyn Michaels