Posts Tagged ‘America’

Preface to Polyandress

January 23, 2020

From the Museum of Erotic Art in Barcelona Spain

The BACKYARD BREEDERS are, anyways. People who breed their pets for ‘fun & profit’, who sell to anyone with cash,  and don’t screen buyers to determine if they are ready for the dog they want, and don’t take any responsibility for the animals they breed…are filling our shelters.  The ‘do-gooders’ promoting ‘no-kill’ don’t count them as breeders. They are actually demonizing responsible breeders instead and are letting the bad ones totally off the hook.

They retort that no breeder is responsible. These people who influence ‘conventional wisdom‘ know nothing about animal husbandry, genetics. or animal behavior. Also, they don’t know the facts. They have a cartoonish, anthropomorphic view of animals. They hew a party line.

The facts are that over 90% of dogs in shelters were bred by backyard ‘I’m-not-a-breeder’ breeders, who deny they are breeders because they don’t have five breedable bitches, or they don’t have a kennel building, or they aren’t living off their dogs. In urban areas, most are Pit Bulls, or Pit-x, but some areas have a lot of Chihuahuas, Beagles, or shepherd type farm dogs, We’re not seeing rare breeds in shelters unless a dog has been lost. Let me take that back. Now we are seeing more Cane Corso in my metro area. I guess the foundation breeders didn’t make it clear to buyers that they should not be breeding if they weren’t going to be responsible for what they breed.

No matter. When you own the mommy animal at the time she gives birth, you are THE BREEDER.

They’ve also spread this idea that dogs are just bred for their beauty (conformation) and can’t do what they were bred d to do. That is laughably untrue.

We are ‘the fancy‘. That’s what purebred dog lovers—fanciers—call ourselves.  I’ve worked for hobby breeders for over 50 years. Most I work for are extremely concerned about genetic defects and strive to breed genetically sound dogs that can do what they were originally bred to do, and more. We call obedience, rally, agility, racing, lure coursing, hunting, dock diving, nose work, barn hunt, etc.: performance.

More important, these breeders love their dogs. They network to find homes for older dogs, often support their breed-specific rescue if a dog ends up in a shelter & the breeder can’t be found, and they will take back dogs they’ve sold if the buyer can’t keep the dog. They do not want to lose track of the dogs they’ve bred. This is why you don’t see rare breeds such as Glen of Imaal Terries, Borzoi, Clumber Spaniels,  in shelters. The breeders take them back. They also make clear to buyers why pet dogs should not be bred.

The do-gooders blame the hobby breeders, demonizing them for the situation the backyard breeders have caused.  We are losing breeds. I wonder if Bedlington Terriers or Affenpinschers have viable gene pools.

The reason I am a purebred dog fancier is predictability. A breed is considered a breed by the bona fide registry organization when the fanciers have a breed standard describing the physical dog, and dogs that breed true for three generations. With a degree of statistical certainty (with a standard deviation, I’m sure), you can tell what size, coat type, and temperament a purebred dog will have.

This is not so with mixed breeds/designer dogs. It would be amusing if it wasn’t infuriating how many grooming clients groomers have who bought ‘designer’ Poodle crosses and are disappointed with the size and coat type of the dog. If you would not buy a purebred Poodle, why would you pay more for a Poodle mix? I think the doodle breeders’ marketing must be very good. That and people don’t spend enough time researching a purchase.

Rarely do hobby breeders reach out to the public. They have too much conventional wisdom to dispell in a short amount of time. Veterinarians, who should know better, are not helping, either.

Now, due to ‘the economy’, where land rents might eat up over 50% of a household’s income, coupled with credit card debt and outstanding student loans, few people can even afford to own a dog, let alone breed them.

Ethical breeders are dying of old age. Younger people don’t have the time, money, or interest in breeding quality dogs. A veterinary dental for a dog hovers around $400 in my neck of the woods. The last thing people who have a lot of debt need is a high maintenance breed of dog, but pet buyers are naive and emotional.

When people try to guilt me about being a purebred dog fancier, I remind them that all dogs come from breeders, and I don’t want ignorant, dimwitted backyard breeders choosing the type of dog I should own. Humans ‘invented’ over 400 breeds for various reasons. it’s fine if you want to take any random dog, but we will not make a dent in irresponsible behavior; i.e. backyard breeders, if we ignore that they are the elephant in the room.

OK. So..what does that have to do with erotica? Nothing. But if I made one of the characters a dog fancier, and she explained why integrity is important, and she enjoys having mind-blowing sex…would you read that?

I rest my case.

Why I Write Erotica

January 18, 2020

From the Museum of Erotic Art in Barcelona Spain

Me—from a pose in the 1980s. Justin Goh did the background.

I’ve always been a decent writer.  I wrote to my boyfriend before he became my husband (he moved away 8 weeks after we started going together), I wrote to a guy who I wanted to be my boyfriend, who, in spite of the sex, never was.

Then, when I decided I had some actual ideas, I started writing about dogs.  Not stories, more journalistic nonfiction stuff.  I even got paid, which was encouraging.

I’m a girl and was raised to seek approval. I was never good enough. That might be generational, to raise girls to not have an ego & think they are not as worthy as boys. I’m not sure.  Encouragement is always appreciated.  I got the most encouragement grooming dogs.

I was in my 40’s and I suddenly had to start dealing with bullies.  Oh, we didn’t call them that about 20 years ago.  If it wasn’t sexual harassment, it didn’t really count (men are supposed to be assholes to girls).  But it DID count.  It’s just that we still allow men to decide what counts.

So, I was in my 50s when I started working for Bruce Blaine, at Best Friends Chicago, who was really condescending and verbally abusive.  In fact, before I started working for him, a friend who trained dogs with a dog trainer at this business told her she wouldn’t want to be caught alone in the building with Bruce.

I sucked it up, but finally complained to human resources. They sent another manager to keep an eye on him, and he’d behave for a few days, then go back to being a bully.  Nothing was ever done, so I quit working for Best Friends Pet Care.  They ultimately sold their entire business rather than deal with managers.

Because this bully Bruce would not give me a reference, I could not account for over a year of my employment.  I had trouble finding other work. In fact,  some people lured me to a new business, claiming they had enough to employ me. They didn’t.  It’s legal to lie.  I was desperate. I applied for a job I saw posted on Craigslist, offered by a guy named Dan London. His business was “Doggie Bath House’.  His only dog experience was walking dogs at a kennel, but everyone wants to be in the pet business and thinks there is nothing you have to know. There isn’t. Entry to the industry is easy.  I am not changing his name because he is still out there. I refused to work for him because he didn’t have enough dog experience and I knew he would not be in business long, He lasted about a year. but during that time, he decided that if I wasn’t going to make money for him, I’d make money for nobody. He had my resume & started harassing other businesses, & posting fake reviews on Yelp! He’d post that he toured (a business) & saw me beating a dog!  Now, how would he know my name?  But Yelp! let him do this. That’s Yelp!  You can’t trust Yelp!  He’s posted that I am mentally unstable.  Totally legal.  & he’s a guy, so he must be credible.

On the internet, ‘nobody knows you’re a dog (or an asshole…)’.  I actually met other groomers who had worked for him and whom he had not paid. They told me he hated me. He might not have had dog experience, but he had internet & bullying experience.  He posted all over the country, on Craigslist—-which you can do for free—and told people to call my employer (at the time, it was Paradise4Paws, an  up and coming dog care business) and have me fired. They got so much harassment, they did fired me.  Even though Saq Nadeem knew who was doing the harassing.

Friends told me to blog.   For over 10 years I have—–  about my ‘disparate interests’.  I am not widely read, but much of what  I’ve written has been shared.

Along the way, I stopped being sexual with a man I had been very attracted to, both physically and socially.  He had made it very clear that I was just not worth any sort of respect or commitment.

At the time, I was thinking mediocre sex was better than no sex at all.  I’ve since changed my mind.

There could be many reasons for why the sex was not better, but the bottom line is really that if the man doesn’t care, there is nothing you can do. HE IS NOT INTERESTED.

Actually, it wasn’t a conscious decision to give up sex.  It was conscious to stop seeing a mediocre sex partner who was totally unreliable.

I wasn’t meeting any worthwhile men, either. My grandmothers told me to find a man to keep me in the style to which I would like to become accustomed.  For a woman to put herself out there and risk pregnancy and disease, I just couldn’t see it.

Worse,  in my industry—-the pet industry—-the few men who are out there are gay.  What about other aspects of my life?

When I was in the Peace Corps most were younger, and the ones my age had the same issues with me:  old, fat, loud, opinionated.

Freddie Mercury, can you find me Somebody to Love?

I started looking at Match & Plenty of Fish (and even a few sites aimed at Jews). Guys my age either look like my grandfather or are looking for ‘a nurse and a purse’, or are Christian (I am a secular Jew and have a moral compass, thank you), or can’t keep me in the style to which I would like to become accustomed.

Ok, so, say we do get a guy past the hurdles: he’s got full dentition, not Christian, has a quick wit, likes dogs, can keep me in the style, blah blah.  Great. But what kind of chance do I have to take to find out if the guy is a decent lay?  Decent? I need better than decent.  You can’t write erotica without knowing what you’re talking about.

How did this actually happen?

The truth is, I wanted to write about integrity.  I am a dog fancier.  There are a lot of different breeds of dogs out there.  The reason there are so many distinct breeds is because  people want dogs to meet certain needs,  To get consistency, you need predictability, and to get predictability, you need to have the INTEGRITY to choose only the best dogs to breed.

In 10 years, there probably won’t be any Doodles, Pomskys, or Puggles, but there will be Whippets, Gordon Setters, Borzoi, Briards, and Dandie Dinmont Terriers…because of breeders with integrity.

So wait—-what? what does dog breeding have to do with erotica?

Not a thing.  But who wants to read about integrity?

Nobody. But dog lovers do want to read about good sex. So, I had my first character be a dog groomer who had good sex, and turned it into a storyline.

All the erotica/love stories are fantasies. They are contrived but made plausible.

There was another reason I did this. At the time I started thinking about how to do this, my father, in his 90’s, was badly injured in a fall.  He broke his neck and his femur. He was lucky he wasn’t paralyzed.  He did recover if you could call it that, but it was the end of his freedom because he refused to NOT walk, and continued to fall as soon as he could get up.  He had to go into a nursing home.

It was more complicated, because, my father had been bankrolling my brother’s drug addiction. He had been doing this for over  30 years.  Suddenly, the ‘bank of Dad’ was closed, and my brother was making his situation worse. He rented a car and had an accident and fled the scene. He hadn’t paid any of his utility bills and was living without running water, heat, electricity, or a phone, He lied to my sister about all this.

Rehab is a joke.  It’s a scam the way  it is marketed in this country. Families want it to work, but doesn’t unless the addict is motivated. Why should people get clean  as long as the families refuse to let them die?

That’s as far as I will go on this tangent.  It was really more interesting, but we were dealing with the stress of family dynamics. My father, in spite of his three daughters begging, nagging, cajoling him to NOT give my brother money, continued to because 1 son is worth way more than 3 daughters.

Michael Douglas also gave his son Cameron money to be a drug addict. That is what fathers do.

Face it, everyone. When someone decides to take opioids not because a physician prescribed them for physical pain, but because they are lazy, self-indulgent entitled assholes (like the flakes with untrained emotional support animals—the reason I think psychologists/psychiatrists have too much sway) nothing will fix them.  Only 30% of addicts ever totally recover  (meaning stay sober over five years), and that is because they are motivated. It usually takes them several tries, too. Most are not motivated.  They can’t live alone or be trusted with money.  I wish we could expatriate them to less developed countries where they’d have to learn a language and work or die.

I won’t go into the gruesome details of how bad it got, but my sister did get him involuntarily committed to rehab (for at least the 4th time)  This is a guy with an RPh and a DVM who chose self-indulgence.   He continues to tell us he is smarter than us all.  But…because my sister didn’t want my stepbrother or sisters judging us if they read my blog, they asked me to not write about my brother.

I had a lot of stuff on my plate.  This situation with my brother is terribly discouraging, and my father’s situation is terrible. So, that’s why I decided to write erotica.  I mean, who cares what anyone thinks?

But several people have asked me now how I came up with the sex scenes.

The short, true answer is you write what you know.  I did not have very much mind-blowing sex, but apparently what I did have made a vivid impact.  That’s what good sex is.

What I am writing about are issues that concern me, and that I confront often. That’s the other reason I decided to write.  It’s good therapy to actually express my ideas and beliefs, and as you get older, time is of the essence.  Is is true to the genre…each book has a story.  But this also looks like this is the closest I will come to the topic of sex for a very long time.

 

What We’re Missing About Drug Addiction

January 11, 2020

My brother is a drug addict. He is —or was—-a licensed pharmacist and veterinarian. He had the degrees and got licenses. He  learned, how people become addicted. He told us that chemicals bond with the pleasure-seeking parts of the brain, and once that happens, there is no going back.

He was not prescribed opioids by a physician to treat chronic, physical pain. He was seeking pleasure. He knew how addiction occurred, but he had access to drugs, so he took them.

It’s true that many people take drugs to deal with psychic pain, but whatever the reason people take addictive drugs, once you are addicted unless you have a very strong personal will to totally change your life…that’s it.

I’ve had friends who became addicted to heroin in Viet Nam tell me it was easier to go through withdrawal from heroin than it has been to kick tobacco. You have to wonder…why would tobacco be legal and not other addictive drugs?

Clearly, the reason is political lobbying and marketing. We waste so much money on law enforcement, and people get shot in the crossfire. If drugs were legal, like tobacco and alcohol, we could tax sales and to an extent regulate it, but our overly puritanical ‘all or nothing’ Christian culture won’t allow it.

Now, some people just buy drugs in the cash economy, but more and more we are finding people who started on the road to addiction by physicians and hospital personnel.  The physicians don’t do any counseling about not taking too much too often, and what you will have to do if you find you are becoming dependent. The whole medical industry is totally off the hook…because they are doctors? Like Gods? They have so much integrity?

So now, because families of addicts want the rest of us to DO SOMETHING..there is a push for ‘treatment centers’ and ‘drug counselors’. The fact of the matter is, the success rate hovers around 30%. Google it, I dare you. No amount of talk therapy is going to alleviate withdrawal symptoms. Your success is based on you wanting to be clean. if you have family supporting you no matter what, you have no incentive to be clean or stay drug-free. Drug addicts will tell you this. Alcoholics will tell you this.

Some people can not live without adult supervision. They can’t be trusted with money, and they can’t be trusted to not endanger themselves, and it doesn’t matter what anyone wants. If you’ve been through this with a friend or family member who has been ‘in treatment’ or ‘detox’ more than once, you know this is true.

The solution would be to have these people committed to a care environment where they can be kept busy doing physical labor, something that gets them so tired that at the end fo the day, all they can do is fall into bed.

Instead, many states license ‘sober houses’ where addicts who have been through detox and chill and not be homeless until they are ready to start using again. Colton Vooron recently wrote a very interesting article about this for the New Yorker: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2019/10/21/my-years-in-the-florida-shuffle-of-drug-addiction

Can RPCV Influence Foreign Policy?

January 1, 2020

a colorized version of G.P. Murdock’s ethnic map of Africa

In 1992, I was a Peace Corps Volunteer  (PCV) serving as a Town Planner in Blantyre, Malawi.  This was a very tumultuous time in Malawi history…the end of an era.  PCVs are not supposed to be in ‘politically sensitive’ positions, but there I was, tasked with encouraging residents of ‘traditional housing areas’ (unplanned, squatter communities) to organize to develop recycling programs,  working on development control issues,  enforcing planning guidelines,  and making sure regular city services were provided.   I also was tasked with taking over records and rent collections for public housing in my geopolitical area—‘Local Authority,” from Malawi Housing Corporation.   I was told to do all this by the ODA—Overseas Development Assistance. This was the British equivalent to  USAID funding  Malawi government operations.

Lots was going on.  The ‘European Community’ was putting pressure on Hastings ‘Kamuzu’ Banda to allow for a free press and to schedule multi-party elections.  Corruption, of course, was endemic.  Just about everything I did was being sabotaged by a government employee who feared I would uncover a major corruption plan that worked very well for himself and a few friends.    Business people who had ties to the Malawi Congress Party constantly complained that I was meddling. 

I tried to get others to take responsibility for some of my more unpopular, but clearly legal, decisions, but I was the only one who really was not in danger of being ‘disappeared’.

‘.

What I really wanted to do was make a difference.  I had two plans that would have really helped low-income residents of the city townships set their communities on the road to sustainability:   One plan was to give them rate (real estate tax) rebates for planting fruit trees and buying energy-efficient ceramic lined cookstoves.  The other was for them getting titles—  recording their plot ownership—with nobody being allowed to own more than one plot in a Traditional Housing Area (to prevent people from becoming absentee landlords).

Unfortunately, there was no political will.   With the squeeze on for political reforms, foreign aid was frozen.  The Malawi Kwatcha was devalued by over 30% (although government high-level managers were immediately compensated with raises), causing a general strike.

 I was finally threatened by a Host Country National, who complained directly to Peace Corps, because I had demonstrated that I had the capacity to take down illegal developments.

30 years have passed.  I visited Malawi three years ago.  Not much has changed, and what has changed has increased social stratification. Yes, more people have access to credit, but deforestation and overfishing are really taking a toll.  Social indicators have barely improved, but even very poor rural people have access to cell phones..

I believe that once most PCVs have a base in the place where they are serving, they realize that good intentions are not enough.  In some cases,  teachers are really making a difference.  In other places, volunteers are being used as  ‘place fillers’ or technical support, and underlying issues are not being addressed.

I started thinking about this again, just recently, when Ambassador Daniel Foote, our man in Zambia, said what needed to be said:  This is an excerpt from a report on National Public Radio:   ”…..  it started last month with this court ruling where they sentenced two men to 15 years in prison for having sex with each other. The ambassador said he was “horrified” by Zambia’s jailing of same-sex couple Japhet Chataba and Steven Sambaand.  The Zambian government basically told him to mind his own business. And Ambassador Daniel Foote then unloaded. He released a diplomatic statement, that I have seen, you know, few as pointed as this one was.

And he said that the U.S. had saved more than 1 million lives in Zambia with just its HIV programs, and then he went on to accuse the government of being hypocritical, of outright stealing millions of dollars intended to go to important welfare programs. He said that while the corrupt officials doing that don’t even get a slap on the wrist, two men having sex get 15 years in jail. And then he said that everyone should just stop pretending that the U.S. and Zambia have cordial relations.”

 

Long story short,  “…..Zambian President Edgar Lungu was seething mad, and he essentially declared the ambassador persona non grata, and the U.S. had to pull him out of the country.” Oh, btw (from Wikipedia) In 1992, Foote became a Peace Corps volunteer in Sopachuy, Bolivia.

We do-gooders, American citizens,  naively believe our foreign policy upholds human rights and fights corruption. We also believe we are donating money so people can get on the road to both economic and environmental sustainability.  This would be laughable were it not so tragic.  How can Peace Corps Volunteers serve in countries with so little regard for basic human rights?  Certainly, our gay brothers and sisters are not safe.

We all come to consciousness about what is ‘right’, ‘fair’ and ‘tolerable’ in our own time.  Many of us do not remember legal racial discrimination, or that inter racial relationships were illegal in many parts of the USA.  Many of us have never heard the expression that “Rights are never given. They are always taken.”

Going back a bit further, in the USA many women (and people of color) could not get access to contraception without the permission of a husband, or credit without a man co-signing (I have personal experience with this).

Now, many of us might laugh at how stupid and unfair, even counterproductive such laws were.  They were developed by (white) men who wanted to legally restrict those not like themselves.

Is there not a PVC who has not said, “If only the policymakers acted with integrity”?

Being from Chicago, where we had a political machine for over 60 years, I’m in no position to say whether a country is more or less corrupt than where I live.  Because I’ve traveled, I’ve experienced being with people who live in communities that have benefited by the mindset that when wealth is shared and opportunities are equalized, everyone benefits.

How can we tell where the policies of equalization work?  We can look at the improvement of social indicators since the end of WWII, with the correlation of the introduction of Peace Corps Volunteers into countries.  Why is it literacy rates, improvements in infant and maternal mortality, flourishing communications infrastructure,  and access to credit in places like Korea, Thailand, Malaysia, and Costa Rica have improved life outcomes in those countries, as well as economic growth, but Nigeria, Mauritania, Malawi, India, and Bangladesh still have such a high percentage of people living in poverty, with no in improvement in social indicators?  Obviously, it is not just a lack of political will, but being rewarded with foreign aid no matter how corrupt they are.  We used to justify this because they weren’t ‘communist’ countries, but what does that really mean?

I’ve joked that the Danes should be in charge of all foreign aid, because, according to Transparency International, Denmark is the least corrupt country on the planet. hpps://www.transparency.org/cpi2018

Is it really too much to ask for transparency, a free press, and respect for RULE OF LAW?  Shouldn’t foreign assistance of any kind ( that is not humanitarian or crisis aid) be linked to accountability and ‘best practice’?

What good does it do us as volunteers when we ignore human rights abuses?  We look disingenuous.

Obviously, the Trump Administration, with his bloviating over the corruption in  Ukraine, isn’t really concerned about corruption in other countries, or even are own when  ‘swamp dwellers’ as most of us would have identified them have been put in charge of government agencies and purses.  Isn’t it time that we, who have served,  address our responsibilities as global citizens?

I am sure most of us who are not involved in the sausage-making wonder on what basis it is that funding is offered to any foreign country. The late George Crile, in his book, “Charlie Wilson’s War,” described in well-researched detail who got what and why over  30 years ago.  Not much has changed:  From the Rapid City, South Dakota, Journal, we got  an interesting piece of information that  Crile addressed: https://rapidcityjournal.com/news/local/govt-and-politics/sd-republican-leader-receives-k-monthly-for-pro-saudi-arabia/article_b1352b18-3685-5515-b103-05f3536fcbbe.html?utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook&utm_campaign=user-share&fbclid=IwAR0EnV8VdpFBTcT1uR3KjUDZxVu2_AVPMi5n_npBX9wKcvU5NOMXLYE8zQ8

Now, granted, Dan Lederman is not an elected official. He is merely a lobbyist for a foreign country and also happens to be the head of the GOP  in…South Dakota.  One has to wonder how he got connected to the Saudis, but never you mind.  This is how our foreign aid budget is allocated.   Can you say Quid Pro Quo?

Thankfully, now that we have the internet, it is easier for all of us to get this information in a timely fashion.  But  I also know that because so many  PCVs returned disillusioned, and feel that we can’t overcome this, they’ve become less politically active.

I think the ideas of accountability and sustainability, as well as respect for human rights should now be part of the discussion. We are invited by host countries to serve. We’ve demonstrated our value.  Shouldn’t Peace Corps state that this is what we want in return?

Book review: Candy Girl, by Diablo Cody

October 31, 2019

 

 

If you saw the movies ‘Juno’ , ‘Tully’, or ‘More’, you know this woman can tell a story. She can really set a scene, and it’s easy to see how her description of a somewhat sleazy undertaking became a launching pad for her.

Candy Girl is about her foray into the world of ‘exotic dancing’: stripping. She claims she was bored with her job at a marketing agency. Although she was well-liked and promoted, she felt unfulfilled, so she decided to try stripping at local clubs in Minneapolis.

Her boyfriend is all for it, and very supportive. She walks into a club, says she is interested in dancing, and is hired. Just like that. She meets women from all walks of life, and learns how the system works, which she explains in detail. If you’ve seen the Jennifer Lopez movie, ‘Hustlers’, you get a sanitized version of the life. Most women do not do that well. However, they are making more money than they would as elderly companions, cooks, or child care workers.

She explains this, and how she saved enough money for a car and a down payment on a house. This is not erotica. It is a description of work for a better income than she could make from what her college education prepared her for.

I’d like to think of myself as a writer, but this Cody Diablo really paints a picture. This should be a classic. I’m sure you can find it on Amazon. If you’ve ever wondered if this is a possibility for you, read this book. Even if you say, “I could never do this, you will find a brave writer here vividly describing what she and others did.

What Ever Happened to Chemistry?

August 15, 2019

Me (Robyn) at Vic Falls

So, I’m  on a few dating sites, including ‘Plenty of Fish’ and ‘Match’.  I bet I also appear on other sites these companies own.  I am on a few other obscure sites, like Elite Singles , but never, ever do I get responses from any men remotely suitable.  That said, I’ve had a few friends who met their husbands on dating sites, but they were younger than I am now.  From Match and POF, however , I’ve been getting responses from men who look at my posted photos, do not read my profile, and it’s  pretty much a waste of time. Why?

Often times, , even if they are younger than I am, they look like my father.  No thanks. Then, there are the guys who  clearly live over  an hour away, and haven’t put much thought into travel time.

I was an anthropology undergraduate, and what I learned about forming relationships—-especially romantic relationships—-is that personal attraction/’chemistry  is important, and you can’t determine that online .

So…. several very attractive men have told me distance is no object. Really?  You  know,  it is to me, I would be reluctant to schlep out to where you live, and that you might be hiding a wife or girlfriend.   But I do  tell them my zip code and 2 cross streets a block away, and suggest they get in the car and tell me how long it takes from where they live. They disappear…

Then, there are they guys who think being Christian (Catholic, even!) to my  Judaism/other, should not be a big deal.  What they do not understand about being an ‘other’ is that Jews don’t  prostelytize. I’m not religious at all, but  why wouuld I give pleasure to a man who supports  evangelism, and worse—- paying legal fees for a bunch of pedophiles?  That’s what identifying with a religion like that means to me.  Are they viewing me as an adventure?  So they can sin with me but ultimately settle down with a nice Christian/Catholic girl?  I’m 65…that’s a really big risk —to be vulnerable to such a man.

But we also have the guys who  tell me they are not religious…but they want to get to know me better before meeting in person.  Yet you ask, “In what way?” and they  don’t have a response.

One of my very dear friends describes me as ‘bitchy.’  Well, I’m not sweet and ladylike, that’s true. If I had been, I could have never accumulated any wealth, owned a home, or  trained dogs.  I’m a pretty tough broad.  That said, because am not ladylike, I learned to be a good lay.

I was a founder of one of the first community based recycling  centers in the USA.  I still source separate my garbage. I was also active implementing public school reform and community policing.  I’m pround of these accomplishments, and that I was a ‘judge of elections’ for years.

So, how much  history do these ‘nice guys’ need?  How many sibblings  I have doesn’t matter. That I have no debt except my home (I owe under $30,000) & pay off my credit cards  every month does matter…& I want to know this about them.  I want to know how old they were when they first had sex.  I want to know  their kinks, if they admit to any.  I don’t want to be tied up, spanked, or a few other things involving pain or force.  Have they ever seen an illustrated copy of the Kama Sutra? If sex isn’t important to them, what do they want?

In my profile, I stateI have lived with the same male roommate for over 18 years. He’s like a brother except he’s  more reliable and sober.  I rarely dine out alone, but I often go to movies and exhibits on my own amd I’ve traveled many times myself.   I don’t want to have to accomodate another person who has strong opinions about how to do things, not if I am relaxing.

I was wrongly arrested once, before we had community policing. It could happen again, but the  commander apologized and I had my arrest record expunged.  I’ve had  3 tickets in my life for moving violations.

In my 65  years, I’ve owned 8 dogs.  They mostly lived—-6 of them— to be old and unfortunately, I euthanized them when their quality of life became bad.  Nobody  lingered.  People who understand dogs understand that most people wait too long.  Now, 1 dogs is 8 and the other is 11.  I’ve made most of my living grooming and  training dogs, but I’ve also been a prudent investor.

I am a left over hippie.  I took  LSD, peyote, and mescaline in my younger days, and when marijuana is legal again, I will probbly keep a stash.  I rarely drink. Alcohol is not my drug of choice.

I am a Wobbly in arrears…Industrial Workers of the World, an anarco-sydicalist.  If you saw Warren Beatty’s move, “Reds,’ you  know a little of the history.  Yes, in my heart, I believe in small economies…but infrastructure doesn’t pay for itself.  Also, I’ve worked in  businesses that were run as ‘collectives’ by default because an owner  didn’t think having a manager was important.  Even if elected, somebody has to be the manager—the fall guy.

Finally, I have a portfolio of nudes of me: drawings, paintings, photography.  One of the photographers I worked for got me an assistantship to graduate school.  It’s a persona.  It was a job.  So this blog is about all I  can think of. I’m afraid  these do guys are not as adventurous  as they say they are or think they are.

I give as good as I get.  I am, actually, trying to scare off the ‘faint of heart’.  I hope this works.

Is a Plane Crash the Worst Way to Die?

July 5, 2019

My mother died in June 1979.  She died just a few days after United airelines flight #191 just fell out of the air  shortly after take-off from O’Hare Airport in Chicago.  279 people died.  It was believed one of the engines  came loose & fell off and cause the  plane to  lose balance.  It just happend so fast—-as the plane was gaining altitude, it nosedived and crashed into a motor home park.

Boom, just like that.  Meanwhile, my mother had been in and out of the hospital since about March that year. She had brain tumors which had been giving her headaches, and  the brain tumors were from lung cancer that had mestastized.   It was stage four lung cancer.  Yes, my mother smoked.  As a teenager, she weighed a 145 pound, and in the 1940s, that’s what girls did to lose weight:  they started smoking.  She was very proud that after she lost the weight, she never gained it back, and was a steady 122 pound for years…until she got cancer. Obviously, she had been sick  for several years, but  she wasn’t going to get a chest x-ray.  She coughed because she smoked, right?

So, the last about  six weeks of her life, she was in the hospital, not being able to breath, barely able to move, She went down to about  80 pounds, She wanted to come home, but my father wouldn’t hear of it.  I said we could set up a hospital bed in the living room.  He didn’t want that, because then she’d know she was going to die.  What is worse:  knowing you are going to die, and dying at home, or knowing you are going to die and dying in the hospital?

 

Well, now my father is 92.  It is 2019…. 40 years later.  he’s not dying…but you can’t really say he’s living, either. For the past year or so he’s been falling. Losing his balance, I  guess. It’s what happens if you live too long.  Women get osteoarthritis and break their hips because they lose bone density.  Men just fall.  He broke his neck and his femur at the end of November.  He had to be immoble for weeks.  He had to shit in a diaper, and that was the worst part.  Second to worst?  We daughters had to figure out  how to get his long-term care insurance to  pay for it. They kept changing the rules as w went along.

We girls also wanted to find a way to keep him at home, but my stepmother couldn’t handle him anymore.  He needed help going to the bathroom, and  he  would not use his walker.  He was in ‘rehab’ for about  six weeks, but then when he reached a plateau, he had to transfer to a nursing home.. The first day there, he fell and broke his neck again, which meant the cervical collar for another  eight weekis.

He’s ‘ok’ now…but is he?  He’s very lucid.  He knows what day it is.  He also knows he’s not going home. He knows he needs help. but he is not dying.  He really can’t go outside.  He can just go within the home.  It’s not a bad place. they do their best. I’ve seen worse.  If he was indigent, he’s be in a crappy place, but it is not home.

How do you want to die?

 

book review: “Can’t Buy Me Love,” by Chris Kenry

June 29, 2019

I found this book in a neighborhood book bin.  The main  character, raised  upper middle class,  was the ‘boy toy’of an older gay man who was killed in a freak accident. Suddenly Jack is destitute. His college major was art history.  He never had a plan.  Meanwhile, due to self-indulgence, he got himself into massive credit card debt.  He had no idea what to do, but  because of a gay friend, he, by chance, met  Ray. He also had to apply for public aid, but since he  was not a good waiter,and could brely manage ‘custoner serive’,  he  signed up for an entrepreneurship program .  One thing led to another, and he  found he and Ray were into what we’d euphemistically call the ‘escort’ business.

I  found this book (published in 2001:  https://books.google.com/books/about/Can_t_Buy_Me_Love.html?id=Q0ATjNjLMdMC&hl=en),  very funny and well written.  I’d suggest it to anyone with an open mind who  might be interested in starting a business.  They guys do get caught…but they couldn’t ber nailed on tax evasion!

How this On-line Dating Thing Works

June 16, 2019

I haven’t had an actual date in over 40 years. Let’s start with that.  Why?  The guy I was with was not just a cheapskate…he didn’t want anyone seeing him with a white woman in public.  He won’t admit it, and things have changed…but too late.  He had his chance  and blew it royally.

I really don’t know why his mindset changed, but I know why  my mindset did.  I’ve been living with a man for  almost  20 years.  We do not have a physical relationship.  I am not his ‘cup of tea’.  Because I’m a woman, I accept that, and I accept that we get along well as roommates.  He’s the most reliable man I ever met.  He gives me stability.  I incorporated  aspects of our relationship into my book, ‘Polyandress’, which should be  published aroung the end of 2019.

I was lucky to have  a couple of  good, adventurous, tender, giving lovers in my  younger days.  Are any of those men still out there at the age I am?

Pickings are slim.  As my sister says, we’re lucky to have a gene which keeps our skin looking good.  We’ve aged relatively well.  I am finding men even younger than I am  often look old enough to be my father.  Appearances don’t matter to a lot of guys,  they matter to me.

Another issues is that these guys  are…lonely.  I am not lonely.  I want ‘romance’.  Is that a euphemeism for  an interesting sex life? Guilty.  But, as my grandmother told us over 50 years ago…these guys are looking for a cook and a nurse.

I bet a lot of women over 50 , particularly those who have no retirement plan except Social Security, are looking for a guy to improve their ‘quality of life’ in an economic way.  Spreading costs between  2 Social Securuty checks is a good plan if you have nothijng. That’s not me.

I own property, I have a retirement plan I built via research and  investing.  I am, if a  guy  pushes, looking for a guy to keep me in the style to which I would like to become accostomed.  I am accustomed to the style I live in already.  Both my grandmothers  told us girls that this was what we should aim fior.

Crass?  You can be stupid when you are young and think you are in love. I am not looking to make my economic situation more precarious.

Unfortunately….these dating sites leave a lot to be desired.    No matter what parameters you put in, they suggest  guys who don’t meet your criteria. Proximity is important. They ‘match’ you with guys way too far away.  Maybe some women don’t care &  are willing to move. I’ve had long distance relationships and I am not interested. I say in my profile, I am not looking  for a guy  obesessed with spectator sports. They send  profiles of guys who love a sports team or love to watch them on TV.  I say I am not looking for a Christian guy. They send Christians.  Not guys under or over a certain age. Too many. Or, the guy is in my age range, but you look at his profile, and HE wants someone younger.  I say I am a progressive. Do I have to spell it out?  Trump supporters respond, Ugh.  On one site, I get responses from men  overseas, 30 years younger.  Please…

On ‘Plenty of Fish’,, in the past two months:   A guy who wanted to know my bra size (I am busty…you don’t need to know  that until you are prepared to buy me a bra); two Christian guy who go to churche every week (&  they wondered why that should matter); and 3 guys who said ‘Let’s Meet’, and I said, “Great!  Pick a time and a date’ and they didn’t follow through.  So much for taking a risk.

Both Match  and  JDate want you to pay extra to actually be put in touch. so, you really don’t know who, like me, put up a profile, then didn’t actually pay.  So you can’t meet.

On all sites,  a few—I’d say less than 5%—-seem really good looking, fun, and interesting—-but are over 40 miles away. We’re too old to deal with that distance.

I bet these sites work if you are under the age of 40, or if you are willing to give up your life and  move to a strange place for  what you hope to be a romance and marriage..  I may be interested in moving after I’ve actuly formed a relatioship with a man, but not now.

So, this has beenmy experience.

 

Mayor Lightfoot: Here’s Your Chance!

June 3, 2019

I am sure most people in the rest of the country, let alone Chicagoans, wonder “What the f**k happened?” A true long shot whom hardly anyone knew, got elected mayor.

Let me give this a bit of context. Our mayor, Rahm, who sold himself as a ‘progressive’ (after all, he was Obama’s Chief of Staff…). made things worse, if that was at all possible. Our biggest problem was and is paying for running the city. Shootings? Please. Yes, there are a few pockets of neighborhoods that are totally out of control, but there is no mystery about why this is: absentee landlords who don’t do credit checks on landlords, lots of poorly educated adults who can’t make a living wage bearing children they can barely parent, no jobs for the unskilled… a true lack of both literacy and numeracy…and police designating that, since they will never eliminate crime, ‘containing’ it to certain neighborhoods.  Yes…that’s right:  the police know who the problems are…they  just don’t  make arrests because they do a poor job of collecting evidence & they  know  too many judges give probabtion (meanwhile, we have  non-violent people taking up space for drug violations…,.go figure…)

We had about 14—yes—14 candidates running for mayor, and virtually all had either (Democratic) machine ties, or were outliers: Not funded well, unlikable supporters (Amara Enyia— Kanye West and Dorothy Brown. Dorothy has been under indictment…Amara, you blew it…). Where had Gery Chico been all these years? Bill Daley? Totally clueless. He felt there would be enough white people votes, and that everyone would forget his father and brother. I had voted for Susana Mendoza for comptroller, but she really offered nothing new. I was leaning towards former school teacher Toni Preckwinkle. I was almost ready to forgive her support for corrupt assessor Joe Berrios, and then it came out she put Alderman Ed Burke’s totally useless son on her payroll at $100,000 for doing virtually notnhing but harass and annoy people (while cutting other county jobs).

So, essentially, due to so many candidates running (Unless you went online and looked at their platforms, you wouldn’t know what their actual platforms were), and a very low voter turnout, Lori won by default.

We all know what the problems are, and many of us know the solutions, In fact, Ken Dunn, of Resource Center, who started out as a Peace Corps Volunteer, then developed a reputation as a community-based recycler, has helped to create more income generating projects for marginally employable people than just about anybody in Chicago. Yet, because he’s not an elite and doesn’t contribute to political causes, he’s virtually ignored.

But I digress. Rahm declined to run. He would have won based on inertia, But he bowed out, leaving us with a bigger mess in terms of debt & the proverbially underfunded pension funds than he came in with. He had the intelligernce and the means to fix this. He just chose to enrich elites. Several great examples of this are:

  1. His predessor, Richard M. Daley, bought a shuttered hospital for….? Oh, right… the city was acquiring land for the Olympics before we got the bid to host (we didn’t—-dodged a bullet there! Ask any city that has hosted since the 1970s if they made or lost money on hosting!). So with taxpayer money, Daley bought Michel Reese Hospital for way more than it would have sold for. It sits there, akin to a shuttered nuclear power plant. Then, Rahm decides that the city needs a $9 million training center for the police—-way across town. Why? Why couldn’t this site be reconfigured? Nobody gives a clear answer. I partly blame the press in Chicago for pandering. In fact, Georg Lucas wanted a site for a Star Wars museum. This site would have been perfect! Very easily accessible by public transportation. No, Lucas and his wife, who don’t live in Chicago, wanted a site on the lakefront. It was the lakefront or nothing. So, it turned out to be nothing. They took their toys and went home because the lakefront belongs to all of us. Rahm tried to get his way for them, but a fluke, democracy prevailed.
  2. By having an appointed rather than elected school board, Rahm got us Barbara Byrd Bennet, a military veteran who had been a school administrator with no apparent record for improving educational outcomes anywhere. Worse, she committed massive fraud. She cost the citizens a huge amount of money (she was convicted) and closed down many schools instead of improving them. We had implemented Local School Councils over 20years ago, which never got enough support from CPS, but no matter. Rahm should be held as accountable as BBB, and we need an elected school board.
  3. The pension fund shortfall. What sense does it make to have about half a billion dollars (according to journalist Ben Joravsky and a few others who have analyzed the budget) sitting there in a Tax Increment Financing Account, and then issue bond funds to pay for what this TIF $$$ should be paying for?
  4. In fact—- did nobody in city government at all DO THE MATH of giving $900,000,000 to Lincoln Yards developers? Forget about the traffic, and that any jobs to be created for our proverbially ‘low income/unskilled’ citizens would be temporary in nature. How much does this actually add to the cost of each housing & business unit…and how do we get paid back? The reason for TAX INCREMENT FINANCING is to support a project that—but for the lack of money—-would not be built. This complex only benefits elites. If the developers could not get financing from the private sector, it should not have been approved. That’s how capitalism works. For our aldermen to approve this project shows that they are grossly overpaid…. and arrogant, and innumerate. I don’t know if we will be able to overcome this because we also have…
  5. The pension funds being underfunded…hello! Wasn’t Tony Rezko, the politically connected fundraiser for both political parties, for some reason on the committees that approved pension plans for public employees? No matter. Karen Lewis, Chicago Teachers Union members and teacher had a great idea: tax trades at the Chicago Board of Trades. I know from working for elites that they’d never miss the money. they may ultimately move out of the city but until then… what’s the alternative? To continue adding to the hotel tax?

 

Mayor Lightfoot— embarass the incumbents who got re-elected—for being arrogant, innumerate, and failing their constituents. They waste money and reward their friends. They pander.You really have nothing to lose!