What Ever Happened to Chemistry?

August 15, 2019

Me (Robyn) at Vic Falls

So, I’m  on a few dating sites, including ‘Plenty of Fish’ and ‘Match’.  I bet I also appear on other sites these companies own.  I am on a few other obscure sites, like Elite Singles , but never, ever do I get responses from any men remotely suitable.  That said, I’ve had a few friends who met their husbands on dating sites, but they were younger than I am now.  From Match and POF, however , I’ve been getting responses from men who look at my posted photos, do not read my profile, and it’s  pretty much a waste of time. Why?

Often times, , even if they are younger than I am, they look like my father.  No thanks. Then, there are the guys who  clearly live over  an hour away, and haven’t put much thought into travel time.

I was an anthropology undergraduate, and what I learned about forming relationships—-especially romantic relationships—-is that personal attraction/’chemistry  is important, and you can’t determine that online .

So…. several very attractive men have told me distance is no object. Really?  You  know,  it is to me, I would be reluctant to schlep out to where you live, and that you might be hiding a wife or girlfriend.   But I do  tell them my zip code and 2 cross streets a block away, and suggest they get in the car and tell me how long it takes from where they live. They disappear…

Then, there are they guys who think being Christian (Catholic, even!) to my  Judaism/other, should not be a big deal.  What they do not understand about being an ‘other’ is that Jews don’t  prostelytize. I’m not religious at all, but  why wouuld I give pleasure to a man who supports  evangelism, and worse—- paying legal fees for a bunch of pedophiles?  That’s what identifying with a religion like that means to me.  Are they viewing me as an adventure?  So they can sin with me but ultimately settle down with a nice Christian/Catholic girl?  I’m 65…that’s a really big risk —to be vulnerable to such a man.

But we also have the guys who  tell me they are not religious…but they want to get to know me better before meeting in person.  Yet you ask, “In what way?” and they  don’t have a response.

One of my very dear friends describes me as ‘bitchy.’  Well, I’m not sweet and ladylike, that’s true. If I had been, I could have never accumulated any wealth, owned a home, or  trained dogs.  I’m a pretty tough broad.  That said, because am not ladylike, I learned to be a good lay.

I was a founder of one of the first community based recycling  centers in the USA.  I still source separate my garbage. I was also active implementing public school reform and community policing.  I’m pround of these accomplishments, and that I was a ‘judge of elections’ for years.

So, how much  history do these ‘nice guys’ need?  How many sibblings  I have doesn’t matter. That I have no debt except my home (I owe under $30,000) & pay off my credit cards  every month does matter…& I want to know this about them.  I want to know how old they were when they first had sex.  I want to know  their kinks, if they admit to any.  I don’t want to be tied up, spanked, or a few other things involving pain or force.  Have they ever seen an illustrated copy of the Kama Sutra? If sex isn’t important to them, what do they want?

In my profile, I stateI have lived with the same male roommate for over 18 years. He’s like a brother except he’s  more reliable and sober.  I rarely dine out alone, but I often go to movies and exhibits on my own amd I’ve traveled many times myself.   I don’t want to have to accomodate another person who has strong opinions about how to do things, not if I am relaxing.

I was wrongly arrested once, before we had community policing. It could happen again, but the  commander apologized and I had my arrest record expunged.  I’ve had  3 tickets in my life for moving violations.

In my 65  years, I’ve owned 8 dogs.  They mostly lived—-6 of them— to be old and unfortunately, I euthanized them when their quality of life became bad.  Nobody  lingered.  People who understand dogs understand that most people wait too long.  Now, 1 dogs is 8 and the other is 11.  I’ve made most of my living grooming and  training dogs, but I’ve also been a prudent investor.

I am a left over hippie.  I took  LSD, peyote, and mescaline in my younger days, and when marijuana is legal again, I will probbly keep a stash.  I rarely drink. Alcohol is not my drug of choice.

I am a Wobbly in arrears…Industrial Workers of the World, an anarco-sydicalist.  If you saw Warren Beatty’s move, “Reds,’ you  know a little of the history.  Yes, in my heart, I believe in small economies…but infrastructure doesn’t pay for itself.  Also, I’ve worked in  businesses that were run as ‘collectives’ by default because an owner  didn’t think having a manager was important.  Even if elected, somebody has to be the manager—the fall guy.

Finally, I have a portfolio of nudes of me: drawings, paintings, photography.  One of the photographers I worked for got me an assistantship to graduate school.  It’s a persona.  It was a job.  So this blog is about all I  can think of. I’m afraid  these do guys are not as adventurous  as they say they are or think they are.

I give as good as I get.  I am, actually, trying to scare off the ‘faint of heart’.  I hope this works.

The Coton de Tulear

April 18, 2019

3 Coton de Tulear in Specials coat.

About three years ago, I responded to a Craigslist post for a groomer to come to a home and groom five small dogs. I’m thinking Yorkies or Maltese. So, since the distance was not far from where I lieve, I responded.

The guy who placed the ad said they were Cotons. My gut reaction was, “Oh.”

For those who don’t know, Cotons are from the island of Madagascar. Off Africa—that’s right. Now, how would small, fluffy white dogs get there? Dig this: the ‘explorers’ and their crews from Spain and Portugal, where the generic (at the time—this is the ‘breed’ that all those who don’t know anything about dogs say ‘they all were at one time…and so it was…) small white dogs that later turned out to be Maltese, Bichon Frise, and white Toy Poodles, came from. The Teneriffes, and those that came from the Canary Islands. The Coton de Tulear are the ”National Dog of Madagascar ( http://caninechronicle.com/current-articles/royal-dog-of-madagascar-the-history-of-the-coton-de-tulear ).

Very cute, very smart, very sweet and outgoing. The problem is…their coats. Clearly, from the historical photos, one can see that the ‘foundation’ dogs (that is, the dogs everyone used 40 or so years ago to establish the breed in Europe and the Americas) had a coat texture that was a mix of silky and cottony . The coat draped. But the foundation breeders, for some reason (I think they really didn’t have any idea how this would play out) decided the ideal coat was a COTTONY COAT. A coat that is dry and stands off from the body.Certainly, the Cotons you see at the dog shows are magnificent as presented. They have big bushy coats. But it is not a coat you can scissor like a Bichon or a Poodle. It mats. The breed standard says that no clipping is allowed….not even ‘sanitary’ trims. You wash it, you brush it…& that’s what you get.

I know the handlers showing dogs for clients have their assistants bathe and brush the dogs out every other day. Othewise, just the static and dirt from living would cause them to mat. I know what causes matting. I’ve been grooming long haired dogs for over 50 years myself.

To their credit, these clients of mine with the Cotons do not have any carpets, and all their furniture is leather. That cuts static. But, the dogs still live. When I started working for them, they had just two dogs in specials coat, and one had an improper (meaning silky) coat. But they had a litter and kept one, and bought another bitch (she became the top winning Coton, (in terms of dogs she bested in the ring in 2018), had another litter and kept two, and are now up to seven dogs, with three in specials coat.

I am an experienced dog groomer, but I can see, now that these younger—just about one year of age—are going through the coat change, that it is overwhelming. In fact, both young dogs are AKC champions and ‘finished’ (as we say in the fancy—once the dog gets a title, it has finished) their titles in record time due to excellent structure underneath the coats, and good grooming/training/handling. There were several buyers who wanted the young male. Unfortunately, my client—the breeder—-thinks that none of these buyers who are willing to pay several thousand dollars for this dog, can handle the coat.

It’s an issue. Like I said—I’ve groomed long haired dogs for about 50 years, and these Cotons are challenge for me. My solution would be for anyone who wants the dog to come stay for a couple of days and help us groom. They then can decide if they really want to get into this. If not, no harm, no foul. After all, how are you going to get new fanciers into your breed?

This is the problem. The Coton de Tulear is one of those ‘low registration’ (AKC statistics) breeds actually in danger of dying out. Considering the low number of fanciers, and the genetic tests that those with the most integrity do, and the number of breeds anyone who might want to show a dog would consider for ‘getting into’, how are the current fanciers going to attract new fanciers to the breed?

The pragmatic thing to do—if they want to save the breed from extinction, is to either change the breed standard to allow a different kind of coat texture or allow the dogs to be shown styled like a Bichon.

Another thing that might help would be to offer grooming symposiums whenever the parent club has a specialty show. However, ther is so much arguing within the club that it is amazing they are able as a collective fancy, to maintain a gene pool. & that’s the fancy in a nutshell.

Barcelona

November 17, 2019

 

Miro mosaic, LaRambla metro stop

I went to for a week of art.  Why Barcelona?  Miro,  Guadi, Salvador Dali.  So much art.

Barcelona is on the Mediterranian Sea, so the weather was mild.  Yes, I did need a coat for a few days, but it was nice. They have an excellent Metro system and also take tourism seriously. There are information stands all over.

I did some research planning  the trip.  I knew the city had a ‘Big Bus’, and many museums and tourist sites.  I knew I was interested in staying in a hostel.  I did research on Trivago, TripAdvisor, Bookings.com, and AirBNB. For the same hostel, AirBNB offered the best deal at $11 a night for Arc Hostel.  I chose this business partly based on price, but also location. It’s two blocks from the ArcdeTriomf Metro stop, and very close to ‘Catelyuna’ which is the center of town.  They had separate male and female dorms.

I did airfare research on several sites, but  AirfareWarch.com offered the best deal from Chicago:  $369 RT (with a stop in Paris). I also bought trip insurance including medical for $125. Expensive, yes, but yu need it.

Let me say a bit about Delta/Air France.  Going, to check a bag would have cost over $50.  Thus, people do stuff regulation bags overhead, and it inconveniences everyone, For some reason, there is no charge to check a bag on the return trip.

I flew AirFrance to Kenya  a little over 30 years ago, when dinner was served on china with actual silverware. Those days are gone. The way they board an airplane is ungepotched.  The logical thing to do would be to board the back of the plane first & work towards the front.  Ah, no,  First class always boards first, so we can all march past the people who paid more.  Not sure what kind of perk that is to those first-class passengers. Then, they board you by ‘zone’. Zone doesn’t mean the part of the plane, but apparently when you bought your ticket & for how much. I always try to board last, no matter what—-so everyone can take their coats off & get their carry-ons overhead & NOT BE BLOCKING THE AISLES…so much for logic.  In the end, the flight attendants have to help rearrange baggage, and it wastes time.

Also, on the return (Airbus 330), the entertainment electrical system apparently started melting, suddenly, 4 hours into the flight, everyone could smell the plastic burning.  The solution wasn’t to emergency land. It was to turn off the system. With 4 hours to go, lucky I brought a book and had a flashlight on my phone.  Food was decent but typical.

I mention this about the flights because if you go on a tour (I did this on my own) your travel days are included in the lengthe of the trip.

Anyways, using TripAdvisor, I booked several tours before actual travel, as I was told many tours do get filled up.  I booked a street tapas tour via AirBNB, that became complicated when they had no trouble taking my credit card for payment, but THEN wanted  a photocopy of my passport page—-which they rejected about a dozen times before accepting.  I don’t know how that makes anyone more secure. Who’d book a  tour to be a terrorist?  But the tour, by an independent contractor names Alessio, who was from Italy and living in Barcelona, was very good, and I think worth the money.  He took us to several bars off LaRambla that a new tourist would never have found on her own.

 

I booked the ‘BigBus’ and  the Casa Batilio (Gudi designed home for a client) via Viator, as well as the Erotic Museum.  I did not book a tour of the Park Guell (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Park_G%C3%BCell), which I probably should have. It’s an expensive tour, but otherwise, you would not know what you are looking at, and it is a  git of a hike off the main road and through the park. It is away from the center  of town.

I also did not prebook a ticket  for the Miro museum (https://www.fmirobcn.org/en/).  This was 1 of the main museums I wanted to visit, and early in the morning it is definitely not crowded.  wonderful exhibit.  This museum is in the Olympic Park, created for the 1992 OlyMiro Tapestrympics.  Not far, in the same vicinity, is the Museum of Contemporary Art of Catelyuna.  I got into that museum for free (senior citizen) and it was phenomenal. Great  traditonal as well as several galleries devoted to surrealism and the era of the Spanish Civil War. Very much worth the time even if you have to pay to get in.

I really am not much of a souvenir collector.  At the Miro museum, I was able to get a stereoscopic viewer of a selection of his art, but I could not get a similar ‘toy’ at the  Contemporary art museum, nor at any other museum.  Nor could I get socks.  As my sister said several years back, these museums really miss the boat on what they can sell. I’m sure they sell plenty of scarves, coffee cups (at E16—very expensive), and key chains, but Americans I think expect so much more.

Erotic Museum Barcelona

I also prepaid for the Erotic Art museum off La Rambla.  That, I think, was a bit overprices. I think I spent 1/2 hour there. It was interesting, but I had seen much of what they had in other venues.

I went to Park Guell—the park designed by Gaudi, but things are not labeled in the park.   You really have to have a guide to appreciate what yu are seeing, Also, it is extremely hilly compared to most of the city.

I was going to visit the Picasso Museum, but in the end, I didn’t. The reason is, it took me over an hour to find it—it is on a little alley s5reet, and you really have to ask locals where it is.  Shocking that there is no signeage.  I knew I was in the vicinity, then went down another alley, but turned around. It is across the ‘alley’ from the Museum of Modern Art, also a very small museum (smaller than my apartment if you can imagine), bu at E11, I thought Picasso was very expensive,. I believe the Art Institute has a better collection, as the museum is extremely small.  I did pay the E5 to go to the MEMA, which is how I discovered how small it was. They had an excellent exhibit by a hyper realistic artist of nudesd, but  still overpriced.

Galgo

I saw many dogs. It seems many people have large Yorkies, West Highland White Terriers, and a few other purebreds & mixed breeds. I saw  several galgos:

Barcelona is in Catalonia, a region of Spain, like Basque and Andalusia, and people are  ‘fighting’ for separatism.  As an analogy, it would be like if Texas or California wanted to be their own nation.  I am not sure of the particulars and was told by a guide that there are several political parties promoting separatism, both right wing & left wing.
What does that really mean?  Ther are signs all over that  people find racism abhorrent.   Does being right wing mean being ‘nationalistic’ about your own economy?

Evidence of support for seperatism

Because I was on vacation, and don’t read  understand Spanish (or Catelunian—the regional language), I didn’t get any news. When I returned, I looked up election results :https://www.theguardian.com/world/ng-interactive/2019/nov/10/spanish-general-election-2019-live-results

I’m not sure what this means to those not knowledgeable about specif8ic issues, but it appears that among those voting, most did want  a separate state.

I saw a few protests, and there was evidence of activism everywhere—notably the ‘yellow ribbon’ for political prisoners.

I booked a day trip to the Pyrenees. I  think I was expecting more snow.  Everyone of these remote towns has a church.  We visited a town called Serat. Nobody was around. At a hostel, there was a sign that said, “If nobody answers, go back down the mountain and inquire at the grocery.”

The Pyrenees

One of the highlights was my visit to Figeroa, where the Dali Museum is.  They have a great ‘retrospective’ of his art except that virtually none is labeled. You will recognize most of it if you’ve seen his art in books.  In

Persistence of Memory, Dali’s most famous work

American museums, usually ther is a label stating the medium, the date completed, and possibly something about the donor.  Not so in the Dali Musuem.

Dali’s muse

Dali’s muse: Gala

I had a wonderful time, anf  it was a great trip. Even with the tours, all my expenses hovered around $50 a day. Very affordable.

Book review: Candy Girl, by Diablo Cody

October 31, 2019

 

 

If you saw the movies ‘Juno’ , ‘Tully’, or ‘More’, you know this woman can tell a story. She can really set a scene, and it’s easy to see how her description of a somewhat sleazy undertaking became a launching pad for her.

Candy Girl is about her foray into the world of ‘exotic dancing’: stripping. She claims she was bored with her job at a marketing agency. Although she was well-liked and promoted, she felt unfulfilled, so she decided to try stripping at local clubs in Minneapolis.

Her boyfriend is all for it, and very supportive. She walks into a club, says she is interested in dancing, and is hired. Just like that. She meets women from all walks of life, and learns how the system works, which she explains in detail. If you’ve seen the Jennifer Lopez movie, ‘Hustlers’, you get a sanitized version of the life. Most women do not do that well. However, they are making more money than they would as elderly companions, cooks, or child care workers.

She explains this, and how she saved enough money for a car and a down payment on a house. This is not erotica. It is a description of work for a better income than she could make from what her college education prepared her for.

I’d like to think of myself as a writer, but this Cody Diablo really paints a picture. This should be a classic. I’m sure you can find it on Amazon. If you’ve ever wondered if this is a possibility for you, read this book. Even if you say, “I could never do this, you will find a brave writer here vividly describing what she and others did.

Daler Singh: Human Trafficking

October 5, 2019

Jimmy Paxon asked me to be on his show, We had been friends since he was a young comedian, so now we’d known each other over 10 years.;  We had stayed in touch, and when I told him I was moving to the USA, he asked if I’d come on the show.  We had been on several times as a group, but now I was solo.  We decided we’d play a duet. Him on trumpet, me on piano, and do the Brian May song, ‘Let me Into Your Heart Again.’  With him on trumpet, it didn’t pay to sing it, and his house orchestra could fill in.

Of course, there was light banter, first, and he asked me how I met Amara.  I answered, “She’s the granddaughter of the man who bought my father.”  That’s how the conversation started.

Jimmy responded, laughing, “You mean brought, don’t you?”

I looked at Jimmy, seriously, and responded, “No, bought. Mr. Glazer bought my father off the port in Dar es Salaam.    Then he brought my father to Arusha.     You know I am from Tanzania, don’t you?”

Jimmy  sort of stared at me, speechless.  My father went on, “ Africa.  My father was a slave. In fact, both he and my mother were trafficked.  They were orphans in India, and they got rounded up and sold as slaves to East Africa.  My father was a houseboy and learned Glazer’s business, and then he bought my mother about 10 years after he came to Africa. Same deal. He went to Dar with Glazer, saw my mother standing there, on the dock. She was a teenager, and he  bought her.”

 Jimmy didn’t know how to respond.  I  guess th8is was a lot to  digest. He sort of hesitated, then he asked, “What year was this?”

 I knew the story.  “It was some time  at the of World War Two, around 1945, Baba thought.  He didn’t know how old he was. He  was going through puberty, he told me.  He  barely understood English. He spoke Hindi, and Glazer started teaching him English, but he also learned what he thinks is Yiddish, and he learned KiSwahili out in the street.”

“Do you know Yiddish?”  Jimmy asked me.

I laughed and said, “No…in fact, I think besides mishegas, the only other Yiddish I know is ‘shtup.’”

The audience laughed at this, because those words vaguely translate into ‘bullshit’ and ‘fuck’.

So Jimmy Paxon was trying to formulate a question, and didn’t know where to go with it, and my I said, “You see,  lots of Europeans didn’t  want black Africans to be houseboys because  they weren’t really used to doing physical labor, certainly not used to doing cooking or laundry,  the main tasks. The women did that.   But the women were kept on a ‘short leash’, to use an expression.  The men wanted wages, but they didn’t want to be disrespected or  subjected to the  racism and insanity of the Europeans, so they’d go back to their homes when they’d had enough.   They’d run away, as the Europeans characterized it.  Sometimes, they’d steal household goods, too.  So, whomever could afford it wanted  an Indian worker, because they couldn’t run off. Where were they going to go? Back across the ocean? To what?  Most were orphans.  After they bought out their contracts, and the Europeans gave them the opportunity to do so, most started some sort of business.  Many were Moslems, and they got absorbed into that community, but my parents both knew they were mixed caste and religion, so they  identified  as Sikh.  So my father was with the Glazers about 10 years, and he knew that Glazer’s son didn’t want to stay in Africa.  He was being educated in England. Anyone with means sent their children back to Europe  or America for education.  So…my father asked to learn the business.  Then he wanted to marry, and because of his social status knew it might be difficult.  He considered marrying an African girl, but he needed bride price in cattle, so it was easier to go buy a girl.  My Ama was as young as he had been, so the Glazers convinced him to actually wait until she was more mature, because if she got pregnant too young she might die or become barren, and he’d lose his investment. So, he did wait, and taught her the household tasks, and Mrs. Glazer also taught her a lot.  When the grandparents  felt it was time to retire, their eldest son didn’t want to live in Africa. He found there was a community of South African Jews in Chicago, where he went to college, and he also met Amara’s mother. They’d return every other summer for a few weeks, to Arusha,  and a his daughters got older, he brought them.  Amara knew me before I had a beard.”

“Interesting,” Paxon responded.  You have older brothers, though.  How is it…”

I laughed, and replied, “How is it neither of my brothers  got Amara? I am not sure. I think either they were afraid of her, or knew my parents would raise holy hell, but I didn’t think of that. When I started going through puberty and the family came to visit, I decided I wanted her, and took advantage of an opportunity.”

The audience started laughing, and Paxon sort of laughed in embarrassment.

I went on,  “I really loved her, but she told me my parents would not allow it. I had to finish my studies.  She went back to America.  She discouraged me because she knew my parents would be  unhappy. So, I met Sita, decided she’d be a good wife, and it lasted 10 years. But both of us were unhappy, so I decided to divorce and find Amara.  I can’t tell you how happy we are.  She completes me, She really does.”

The audience applauded.  Jimmy, though, was still curious about slavery.

“So, in Africa, is there still slavery?”  he asked.

I  looked at him, sighed, and  then said, “You know, you Americans.  You think at the end of your civil war, that was the end of slavery.  Yes, of course. Probably not many are brought from other continents, but there  is slavery.  Some people are born into it.  In fact, humans are still trafficked  all over. From Russia, Ukraine, Cambodia, Bangladesh.  Mostly women. They are lied to, told they’d get good wages. Then ,  their passports taken away. Some are brought by diplomats or other elites.  I’m sure there are slaves in the USA. I mean, why would you have to import a house keeper? Right?  But really, you guys, you allow your  politicians to give aid to countries that  ignore human rights. Your congress people vote on aid packages, and not only don’t ask for an accounting, but don’t tie aid to  government transparency and respect for rule of law!  You give aid to Tanzania, my country of birth.  Granted, we’ve always had high literacy, but for what? An economy that can’t absorb us, so we have to leave—-become essentially, economic refugees, which is why I live in Switzerland half the year.  Look at the social indicators for all the countries you give aid to.  Infant and maternal mortality  remain high, communications infrastructure is lacking. Were it  not for the  Malaysians, most people in Africa wouldn’t have telephones.  Women don’t have access to education or family planning services. You all think you are giving humanitarian aid.  Granted, you do, when there is some sort of natural disaster, but mostly you m give military aid, and the corrupt leaders  use it to terrorize their own people.  “

I  was on a roll.  I went on, after taking a breath, “I work here. I pay taxes here. In your country. Many of us foreign nationals do, and you’ve elected leaders who demonize us foreigners, yet they are ripping you off. My  gosh, they tell you that you can’t have single payer health services,  your ‘Medicare’, for all, but they  take that money & give weapons to dictators.  Wake up.  You don’t have  to futz around for an envelope and a stamp. Email them and tell them you know they do this!  Quit paying attention to  lobbyists and public relations people  who  tell you what to put into  foreign aid appropriations budgets, and. take care of Americans first.  And quit saying  foreigners are not contributing to your tax base!  Start supporting  groups that  address human trafficking!”

I got rousing applause, and then  I said to Jimmy, “Are you sorry you asked? Really, if people want to help the less fortunate in our poor countries, you can  be better environmental stewards, recycle and plant trees and address your carbon footprints.  Quit  supporting  organizations  that withhold family planning services. Don’t support missionaries. We Africans  already know what Christianity is! Support Peace Corps. Were it not for them, I would be a servant in Africa, not an engineer.  In fact, come visit us.  See how we actually live.  For most Africans, the big issue is fresh water. “  I was so worked up.  I hadn’t realized that he didn’t know. There was a lot of applause and of course they went to a commercial, which gave us a little time to recover.

Jimmy said to me, “That was great!  Are you ready?”

I nodded, but looked to Amara. She was in the front row, and she was smiling. I always wanted her there.  I walked over to her and started to kneel, but she stood up and hugged me.  I whispered to her, “What did I do?”

She whispered back, “You were great. You said what needed to be said, It’s true. Americans have no idea.”

I took her hand and said, “Sit next to me on the bench while we do this. You give me strength.”

I was shocked went it went viral on the internet. Well, when I got back from New York, and went to my office,  both my email folder and  voice mail at school were full.  I called Amara and asked her if she had time to help me sort through all the messages, because I wanted every one  addressed.  I had my office secretary change my outgoing  voice mail message until I got  everything cleared up. Amara and I  formulated a response to all who emailed

The Newest Scam: Pretrained Puppies

September 20, 2019

My Saluki as a young dog.Sold as a pet, he finished his AKC championship in fewer than 10 shows.His breeder trained him—& didn’t charge for the training!

Anyone working in service in the pet industry knows…’the fancy ‘ is dying. there are fewer and fewer ETHICAL HOBBY BREEDERS, BREEDING FOR THE BETTERMENT OF THEIR BREEDS.  Often, you have to be on a waiting list  if you want a puppy.  Thus, what is happening is that our clientswho had previously  chosen and owned purebred dogs are buying—-for way too much money—mixed breed ‘designer’ dogs (meaning a mix of 2 breeds) or, trusting  very well produced websites that claim they work with ‘reputable ‘ breeders & will choose a dog for you…without ever meeting you—just what you tell them in an email or on the phone

When I worked in Africa,  the country I was in was, essentially, a dictatorship.  it was a single party system.  One day, the ‘life president’ gave a speech, and of course,the next day it was reported in the  (state owned) newspaper how well-received the speech was to the crowd in the stadium.  I was talking  about it with my co-workers, and they said, “Well Robyn, notice there are no photos of the crowds in the stands.”   You had to read between the lines.

I bring this up because some clients, very nice people, older, no kids, recently bought a dog from a website: http://www.snakerivercanine.com.  They had had two Miniature Schnauzers in a row. The last one had kidney failure (not uncommon in the breed, possibly genetic…), but they kept him alive  for years. They spent a lot of money on veterinary care & there was no doubt they loved him.

I knew that ultimately, they would want to get another Schnauzer puppy, but we got out of touch.  I thought they might call me for a referral to a breeder, but the fact is that not only are local breeders  getting old and no longer breeding, one of the most well known breeders in the country, Joan Huber, who really bred some outstanding dogs, got shut down for  cropping her own dogs ears.  She was arrogant, and invited the wrong people to work for her.  She essentially was a commercial breeder.  However, that’s how it is now. If you want a Miniature Schnauzer that looks and acts like a Miniature Schnauzer, you could have done a lot worse than Blythewood, her kennel. You could have gotten a dog from the so-caled ‘reputable breeders’ that Snake River buys from to resell. How do I know?  Go to their website.  I’ve worked with really reputable breeders for years. so many different bloodlines—and these people have studied their breeds.  You  go to a dog show, and  all  the Miniature Schnauzers are. 13.5 inch dogs —extremely uniform in size—salt and pepper color (sometimes solid black, or black & silver).  & that is the breed.

So, how is it the  Snake River dogs are  parti-colored, liver colored, and even blue eyed?  Well, my client says he got papers, and they are AKC.  & his veterinarian  told him the AKC wouldn’t accept the registration if they weren’t purebred. Huh?  The reason so many dog clubs and truly ethical hobby breeders are taking their stud books back is because the AKC doesn’t enforce their studbooks.   they wil register a camel if you have the papers & submit the fees. They do not sue breeders who breed  mixes and claim they are purebreds. There is no way a purebred Miniature Schanuzer could be liver colored, parti-colored. or have blue eyes unless another breed was in the mix. The odds of  so many  of these livestock/commercial breeders having dogs of these off colors with blue eyes is about a billion to one.

We’re seeing Bulldogs, Pit Bulls, and Pomeranians  with these colors, including merling.  Breeds that for decades (keep in mind, these breeds have been breeding ‘true’ for between 100 and 200 years)—‘rare’, and ‘exotic’ colors. These dogs, no matter what the ‘papers’ say—are not purebred dogs. Those registration papers are only as honest as the breeders.

So, what these sellers do, as you will see from the  website, is buy puppies and ‘train’ them for you.  As we were discussing…aside from housebreaking, leash training, and possibly the ‘sit’, what can these  women be  training for….$6000?

Last year, a client asked us how much we would charge for  housebreaking a puppy. I had no idea. I said $200. What an idiot I am!

Go  back to the Snake Rive website. These women are very good with prose. Still, if you don’t know Schnauzers, you’d think these women have integrity.

I pointed out to my client.  While I am happy they love their puppy,  these women are not honest. They are excellent marketers. They are…Christians (we are Jewish). They believe, I am totally sure…that because Jesus Christ is their savior, they are imperfect people, and even if they lie and cheat people, as long as they ask Jesus for forgeiveness, they will go to Heaven.

They consider those of us with our own ‘moral compass’ to be heathens and a threat.  I sure hope I am a threat.  I am just not as good at ripping people off.

 

What Does ‘Socialization’ of Dogs Mean?

September 7, 2019

Recently, I’ve been fostering  a dog for a breed specific rescue. The dogs—all purebred, were taken from a hoarding situation. We really don’t know that much about them, but what we do know is from our experiences working with all sorts of dogs.

Many of the dogs were injured in dog fights. Some needed stiches. We think they might have been fighting over bitches in season, or possibly food. They are –or were—all ‘skittish’:  they constantly look behind them  when they were walked. They’d try to hide under furniture or cower in crates. Yet, they all were leash trained, all were housebroken, and none of the dogs is a fear-biter.

It seems to me, these dogs were not  abused in the sense they were brutalized or beaten. They were neglected and hadn’t been exposed to  stimulation from the outside world.  Adding to their trauma was how they were captured and moved.

I have worked in kennels that housed  retired racing Greyhounds waiting for pet homes.  For some reason, the ‘do-gooders’ seem to think these dogs were abused.  Clearly, when you compare them to, say, Pit Bulls taken from open admissions shelters, they haven’t been.  All are calm in the kennels, They don’t generally react to  other dogs barking at them.  They approach strangers with their tails wagging, They never bark franticly.  They walk calmly on leashes without pulling.  Most are even houebroken!  It’s clear that most retired Greyhounds were handled in a loving, responsible manner.  Yet, the do-gooders, with no personal evidence, promote the idea that  these dogs are not well cared for, and if they don’t run, they will be killed. Since the 1960s, because I’ve had pet Whippets (we’ve run non-paramutuel races—no betting), I’ve known NGA Greyhound breeders who always tried to give away  dogs that were duds on the track. But those so-called ‘humane activists’ kept writing that these dogs could not be pets! Yes, they’ll chase and kill a small animal…even a small dog. Lots of dogs—even  those cute Yorkies—will do that.  I’d rather take a chance on a Greyhound than a Cocker Spaniel! Ask any dog groomer.

Not all Pit Bulls are killers. The irony is that many are ‘non-social’ because they’ve been taken from their dams  when they are barely weaned. The backyard breeders of Pits  want to GET RID OF THEM ASAP, so they don’t allow dogs to learn to be dogs and negotiate how to get along with their littermates. That’s the reason so man Pits (& other popular breeds) are nonsocial.

I work for several hobby breeders, and they  do what they think is right in terms of socialization for their puppies. They usually have TV or radio on.  They run the vacuum cleaner around them. They get the pups being used to getting brushed, having their toenails trimmed, and bathed.  What they usually don’t do is take them out to get used to street sounds.

I got my first puppy when he was three-months-old.  I started walking him all over, and allowing people to touch him.     He was an Afghan Hound, and they usually grow out of their puppy personalities when they are a little over a year, and start becoming aloof.  He was aloof!  However,he was never fearful.

My foster dog is adjusting to all the city sounds.  She had, apparently some training, because she responds to the typical obedience commands that pet dogs are often taught.  As we work with her, she will gain more of an attention span, and gain confidence, and not be so skittish.

When we go to dog training classes, we see many puppies.  Decades ago,  for some reason (because we didn’t really understand how animals learn)  pet owners were encouraged  to wait until a dog was at least a year old before beginning training.   These days, we know that as soon as the dog has gotten immunizations,  the dog can join others in training classes. The dog trained young doesn’t have a chance to develop bad habits.  We call this behavior shaping, and it works.

Socialization  is  the  dog being comfortable with other friendly dogs,  being responsive to the humans  the dog lives with, and  being comfortable in his environment. That’s what we mean when a dog is socialized.

 

What is He Thinking?

September 2, 2019

I don’t know if I am going through a hormonal change, a psychological epiphany, or what. Maybe I am just more accepting of myself. An emotional coming to terms. Or is it that I accomplished something I didn’t expect to accomplish.

I am always setting goals for myself. A goal I’ve had for several years with one of my dogs has been to continue to compete and attain performance titles for and with her. If you don’t understand dog training, it’s just too complicated for me to address in this post, and that is not why I am writing. Competing with her, the last several months we’ve had setbacks because she has not qualified at trials. It’s always my fault, but I have developed a fear that I have set the tone for her not qualifying, so I have to reassess.

That is not as interesting to me now as trying to figure out what a male friend is thinking. I can’t describe him as an old boyfriend, because although we had a sexual relationship, and good conversations, it was barely a relationship at all. He made it clear he did not want me as a girlfriend about 30 years ago. He set the terms and I took what I could get. I don’t think I ever really got to know him, as he would not allow it. Nor did he get to know me, because he didn’t want to. There was always a wall. I knew the wall was there. He discounted that it was important…but it was. He was not part of my social circle, and I was not part of his social circle. It was what it was. It faded out when I started living with my current roommate almost 20 years ago.

I realized that I trusted my roommate, whom I barely knew, almost more than I trusted most people. We do not have a sexual or emotional relationship, but we have managed to live together for almost two decades. He’s reliable. I found that I valued that trait more than I valued any other trait in anyone. He could be trusted. Living with him made me realize I had made too many compromises to have a sexual relationship. In a recent book I wrote, which I hope to have published within a year, I address integrity, and also what I would not compromise on just so I could be in a relationship, or have children. No regrets on that front.

Maybe I should give this time and it will sort itself out on its own, but I know from experience that when you allow things to ‘just happen’, there is a lot of miscommunication, and I don’t want to waste time on unrealistic expectations. I will just say…he’s back, and he wants to spend time together, and I’m wondering why. Seriously. Does he just want to be social, or what?

The people I usually hang with are women. Except for my roommate, I don’t hang with any men. The men we knew in our younger days have either married, moved away, or died. Some we cut loose because they were either substance abusers, or weren’t making a living. Now this guy, he had great potential, and he squandered it. He supported family members who made bad choices, he indulged himself, and now he isn’t economically where I am. I am not rich, but I don’t have to worry from day to day.

So, what I want, if we are going to continue seeing each other regularly, is to not be regarded as a mere amusement. Of, if I am going to be regarded that way, that I be amused as well. You don’t want us to be part of each other’s social circle? Fine. What are you offering here?

Is a Plane Crash the Worst Way to Die?

July 5, 2019

My mother died in June 1979.  She died just a few days after United airelines flight #191 just fell out of the air  shortly after take-off from O’Hare Airport in Chicago.  279 people died.  It was believed one of the engines  came loose & fell off and cause the  plane to  lose balance.  It just happend so fast—-as the plane was gaining altitude, it nosedived and crashed into a motor home park.

Boom, just like that.  Meanwhile, my mother had been in and out of the hospital since about March that year. She had brain tumors which had been giving her headaches, and  the brain tumors were from lung cancer that had mestastized.   It was stage four lung cancer.  Yes, my mother smoked.  As a teenager, she weighed a 145 pound, and in the 1940s, that’s what girls did to lose weight:  they started smoking.  She was very proud that after she lost the weight, she never gained it back, and was a steady 122 pound for years…until she got cancer. Obviously, she had been sick  for several years, but  she wasn’t going to get a chest x-ray.  She coughed because she smoked, right?

So, the last about  six weeks of her life, she was in the hospital, not being able to breath, barely able to move, She went down to about  80 pounds, She wanted to come home, but my father wouldn’t hear of it.  I said we could set up a hospital bed in the living room.  He didn’t want that, because then she’d know she was going to die.  What is worse:  knowing you are going to die, and dying at home, or knowing you are going to die and dying in the hospital?

 

Well, now my father is 92.  It is 2019…. 40 years later.  he’s not dying…but you can’t really say he’s living, either. For the past year or so he’s been falling. Losing his balance, I  guess. It’s what happens if you live too long.  Women get osteoarthritis and break their hips because they lose bone density.  Men just fall.  He broke his neck and his femur at the end of November.  He had to be immoble for weeks.  He had to shit in a diaper, and that was the worst part.  Second to worst?  We daughters had to figure out  how to get his long-term care insurance to  pay for it. They kept changing the rules as w went along.

We girls also wanted to find a way to keep him at home, but my stepmother couldn’t handle him anymore.  He needed help going to the bathroom, and  he  would not use his walker.  He was in ‘rehab’ for about  six weeks, but then when he reached a plateau, he had to transfer to a nursing home.. The first day there, he fell and broke his neck again, which meant the cervical collar for another  eight weekis.

He’s ‘ok’ now…but is he?  He’s very lucid.  He knows what day it is.  He also knows he’s not going home. He knows he needs help. but he is not dying.  He really can’t go outside.  He can just go within the home.  It’s not a bad place. they do their best. I’ve seen worse.  If he was indigent, he’s be in a crappy place, but it is not home.

How do you want to die?

 

book review: “Can’t Buy Me Love,” by Chris Kenry

June 29, 2019

I found this book in a neighborhood book bin.  The main  character, raised  upper middle class,  was the ‘boy toy’of an older gay man who was killed in a freak accident. Suddenly Jack is destitute. His college major was art history.  He never had a plan.  Meanwhile, due to self-indulgence, he got himself into massive credit card debt.  He had no idea what to do, but  because of a gay friend, he, by chance, met  Ray. He also had to apply for public aid, but since he  was not a good waiter,and could brely manage ‘custoner serive’,  he  signed up for an entrepreneurship program .  One thing led to another, and he  found he and Ray were into what we’d euphemistically call the ‘escort’ business.

I  found this book (published in 2001:  https://books.google.com/books/about/Can_t_Buy_Me_Love.html?id=Q0ATjNjLMdMC&hl=en),  very funny and well written.  I’d suggest it to anyone with an open mind who  might be interested in starting a business.  They guys do get caught…but they couldn’t ber nailed on tax evasion!

How this On-line Dating Thing Works

June 16, 2019

I haven’t had an actual date in over 40 years. Let’s start with that.  Why?  The guy I was with was not just a cheapskate…he didn’t want anyone seeing him with a white woman in public.  He won’t admit it, and things have changed…but too late.  He had his chance  and blew it royally.

I really don’t know why his mindset changed, but I know why  my mindset did.  I’ve been living with a man for  almost  20 years.  We do not have a physical relationship.  I am not his ‘cup of tea’.  Because I’m a woman, I accept that, and I accept that we get along well as roommates.  He’s the most reliable man I ever met.  He gives me stability.  I incorporated  aspects of our relationship into my book, ‘Polyandress’, which should be  published aroung the end of 2019.

I was lucky to have  a couple of  good, adventurous, tender, giving lovers in my  younger days.  Are any of those men still out there at the age I am?

Pickings are slim.  As my sister says, we’re lucky to have a gene which keeps our skin looking good.  We’ve aged relatively well.  I am finding men even younger than I am  often look old enough to be my father.  Appearances don’t matter to a lot of guys,  they matter to me.

Another issues is that these guys  are…lonely.  I am not lonely.  I want ‘romance’.  Is that a euphemeism for  an interesting sex life? Guilty.  But, as my grandmother told us over 50 years ago…these guys are looking for a cook and a nurse.

I bet a lot of women over 50 , particularly those who have no retirement plan except Social Security, are looking for a guy to improve their ‘quality of life’ in an economic way.  Spreading costs between  2 Social Securuty checks is a good plan if you have nothijng. That’s not me.

I own property, I have a retirement plan I built via research and  investing.  I am, if a  guy  pushes, looking for a guy to keep me in the style to which I would like to become accostomed.  I am accustomed to the style I live in already.  Both my grandmothers  told us girls that this was what we should aim fior.

Crass?  You can be stupid when you are young and think you are in love. I am not looking to make my economic situation more precarious.

Unfortunately….these dating sites leave a lot to be desired.    No matter what parameters you put in, they suggest  guys who don’t meet your criteria. Proximity is important. They ‘match’ you with guys way too far away.  Maybe some women don’t care &  are willing to move. I’ve had long distance relationships and I am not interested. I say in my profile, I am not looking  for a guy  obesessed with spectator sports. They send  profiles of guys who love a sports team or love to watch them on TV.  I say I am not looking for a Christian guy. They send Christians.  Not guys under or over a certain age. Too many. Or, the guy is in my age range, but you look at his profile, and HE wants someone younger.  I say I am a progressive. Do I have to spell it out?  Trump supporters respond, Ugh.  On one site, I get responses from men  overseas, 30 years younger.  Please…

On ‘Plenty of Fish’,, in the past two months:   A guy who wanted to know my bra size (I am busty…you don’t need to know  that until you are prepared to buy me a bra); two Christian guy who go to churche every week (&  they wondered why that should matter); and 3 guys who said ‘Let’s Meet’, and I said, “Great!  Pick a time and a date’ and they didn’t follow through.  So much for taking a risk.

Both Match  and  JDate want you to pay extra to actually be put in touch. so, you really don’t know who, like me, put up a profile, then didn’t actually pay.  So you can’t meet.

On all sites,  a few—I’d say less than 5%—-seem really good looking, fun, and interesting—-but are over 40 miles away. We’re too old to deal with that distance.

I bet these sites work if you are under the age of 40, or if you are willing to give up your life and  move to a strange place for  what you hope to be a romance and marriage..  I may be interested in moving after I’ve actuly formed a relatioship with a man, but not now.

So, this has beenmy experience.