Archive for the ‘society’ Category

What is ‘Essential’?

May 29, 2020

My book, Polyandress, is now on Itunes and Barnes & Noble: //

In the last few weeks under Covid19, dog groomers have become —essential. Please—-I am aghast.  If people would just brush their dogs, we could be sane.  It’s fine. I enjoy working, but I do not enjoy pandering. I believe the reason they made us essential is…. is that we see so few clients every day, and they don’t hang around. But since there was no dog grooming for 8 or so weeks and a lot of our regulars didn’t’need’ grooming until we were closed, we’re seeing a lot of hairy dogs.  People who live with those dogs–rather than take a brush to their BEST FRIEND…beg to have the dog shaved. Lots of shave downs. Some people do take care of their dogs, but many don’t. 

I am not a naturally optimistic person. I would be described as cynical. My boss asked me if I considered myself an extrovert or introvert, and I said, “Introvert, definitely.” I  bring that up because now I am overwhelmed by my fellow Americans, and I  more often think, “What the fuck are these people thinking? Were they thinking?  they have student loans!  Why did they get a dog that needs a haircut so it will smell halfway decent?” (Keep in mind, I have whippets—naturally clean dogs.

I  went to ‘work’ this morning (It’s Thursday 5/28) but I walked out because the person I was ‘working’ for had so little integrity, I could not take it. She was charging extra for a dog that should not have been charged— for matting. Yes, it’s her business & her prices are her prices, but I don’t think she will be in business in a year. Worse, she hired a woman who wants to learn to groom dogs (Laura is 52, and she was a pharmacy tech!), but she had her bathing a dog that could have been bathed more quickly, humanely, efficiently—and she won’t do it. She’d rather pay this woman more—to take more time, which will stress out the dog for no good reason because that’s the way she does things. To me, that is inhumane.

Life is too short to be a party to people who don’t act in an ethical manner towards others. You see, this has nothing to do with God, or believing in God. It’s a matter of common sense right and wrong. If we’re no longer going to be fair, and accountable that means nobody can be trusted.

I started addressing this to a man I met online. From what I know of him, I like—I just don’t know that much. I still don’t have enough information.  I was telling a friend, I am attracted particularly to entrepreneurs, because they take risks, and are responsible for their decisions…more so than someone working for someone else. My father was a businessman, and having been in business myself, I know the difficulties and the rewards. It helps me to respect these guys. Isn’t getting respect part of love?

I have to be clear. I am not sure what love really means. I thought I was in love a few times, and the love was not returned. Perhaps my expectations were too high, but I don’t think so. We have an expression: ‘Trust but verify.’ Too many men have told me too much stuff that turned out to just not be true. The fact of the matter is that they were all Christians, and their worldview was that they would ultimately admit they were imperfect, ask Jesus for forgiveness, and how they messed with my heart wouldn’t matter. So, all the words mean nothing until I understand how a man is with me.

You can’t buy me. Gifts that are just gifts are just stuff. The gift I want is a man to be as vulnerable as I am. If I am to let you into my body, I am taking a huge physical and emotional risk. Men don’t consider that. I am saying it is important.

For me to love, I need a safe physical bond. I’ve never had that with a man ever. I don’t need another platonic male friend unless he is extremely funny & wants to take me to dinner. I’m serious. It does me no good to try to cultivate a relationship with a man who talks a good game and then is either afraid of me or finds giving me pleasure disgusting. We all have our limits. There’s a lot of stuff associated with sex that I don’t enjoy. I don’t want to be hurt, slapped, tied up, penetrated anally, or in 1 position all the time. I don’t want to be a receptacle. You would think I would not have to say that…but I know I have to. I know I intimidate men, but I know what I want, and I am not afraid to ask for it.

I don’t know how to make this idea of good sex more plain and direct. I discourage a lot of men who don’t want a woman asking for anything, and that’s just fine. My life is good. Good sex would make it better.

In any case, I am busier than I wanted to be. And….suddenly, young men on the dating sites are lying about their ages and coming out of the woodwork. I admit, I added a profile shot with cleavage (when you got it, flaunt it), but I am bemused that so many young—and I mean really young, men…. are contacting me. This is excellent fodder for an erotic romance writer, so I have to take advantage, but I still have to sort through who is real, who has something to offer, etc.

 I am not just talking when I say I write erotica. I have to really get it out there to men approaching me so as not to waste time. My ‘interaction’ with ‘the Muse’ turned out to be less than satisfactory. I could possibly fix this, but it takes two, and I think he was so disappointed in himself and the fact that he has no female friends, well, it is what it is.  He doesn’t understand you have to give to get—and can’t slide by on your good looks forever. A shame, but you can only do so much.

I guess it’s my age range, but the guys my age who respond are all foreign. Legal residents, not citizens, They all have the same story. All widowers, looking for ‘love’. What loves seems to be in their amorphous views are a commitment, trust, and not asking questions. Clearly, most are very sexually conservative, and when I address that I don’t need a man to take care of me, that you’ll get love when you provide great sex and reliability, they go away. It’s still ok for a man to have this attitude, but not so much for a woman. I was describing how this is to several friends, and said, “I am scaring them away.” The response was, of course, “You don’t want them then.” No, I don’t.



I’ve Kissed Way Too Many Frogs…..

May 15, 2020

A waste of masculinity.

I’ve been on various dating sites for about a year. I told myself I would give it a year…and the results have been worse than ‘not good’. They’ve been awful. It’s just with the internet, you meet more awful men more quickly. 

First of all…there are scammers: they steal photos off Google or Facebook, prowl (or troll, whatever term you prefer), find a mark, and they love you and you are just what they are looking for. It’s easy to spot them: their English is either very bad or of the European English variety. They also profess love and pour out the same story: wife died, they have a teenage daughter. She is living with a relative in Europe, He came to America for work. Je doesn’t drink,  came upon your photo….& apparently, women believe this & without ever meeting them….send them money.

Some of them go to elaborate procedures, but they don’t realize that there are ways to determine who is real. In Chicago, everyone lives in a neighborhood. If you don’t know your neighborhood (or the default is ‘downtown’), forget it. Then, they seem to forget that you can google & reverse lookup phone numbers. 1 idiot actually gave a phone number to an escort service.

The scammers are not the worst. The worst are the men who just look at photos and don’t read your profile. They just see boobs. Then there are the guys who pose with grandchildren, a dog, or a fish they caught.  I don’t know you. I don’t want to see your grandkids, and if the dog isn’t a sighthound, well, I’m glad you’re a dog lover, but that’s not enough.  Especially if you have some sort of designer dog. Please, no. Not into fishing, either.

There are always men who don’t think your values should be of any concern. Some will tell you straight out they are stepping out on their (sick) wives. Lots of guys looking for friends with benefits, but they offer no benefits.

How was it before the internet? Most of my friends know that I met my husband in high school. We were together maybe 8 weeks before his parents moved across the country, and we corresponded. Craig was very sexually adventurous. I would have never learned to engage in oral sex were it not for him. I really believe that you have to start young, as a teenager, or you become too inhibited. If I can thank him for anything, I can thank him for that. I barely dated and certainly didn’t engage in anything intensively sexual for most of the rest of high school until we were together on holidays. I just didn’t meet that many guys worth the bother.

When we were living together, I came very close to cheating a couple of times, but it didn’t happen.  He did, though. & then we were divorced. When I finally met Tony, I thought things would get better. Tony was great, but he told me right from the start that he was recently divorced and not prepared for a ‘relationship’, and it was clear he was juggling women. I didn’t like it, but 2 can play. When he invited me to Robert’s sauna (he had hired Robert to give lectures at the museum), he practically handed me over to him.    He said I had no sense of propriety. As though it was proper to display me to a colleague.  He then, without my permission, gave my phone number to Robert, and I started seeing Robert.  Robert was nothing great, but he wasn’t Tony, and he was appreciative. In fact, the first time we had sex, he asked me to leave the lights on because—he told me—I was the most beautiful woman he had ever been with.   Yeah, I was really a hot babe when I was young.  Tony got angry with me for spending time with Robert. I thought things then would be better with Tony (He actually said to me, “You know how I feel about you.” What a joke. What I knew was he was ambivalent and didn’t care.). I learned I wasn’t wrong because he went to see his parents over Christmas, and THEN, New Year’s Eve, went with his friends. Not with me.    We could have gone to both parties! He didn’t want a date at a party. Is that not clear?

Should I list all the bad experiences? Going out to dinner with guys I knew I had nothing in common with and wasn’t attracted to at all. Friends remember Les, who came to take me out to dinner (he had volunteered to be an ESL tutor for my project) and then felt he was so lucky that I was ‘so beautiful’ that we never got out the door. We didn’t go to eat. I just listened to him say how lucky he was….for two hours. Les was an adjunct. Not a bad looking guy. He wanted to be an actor and a comedian and still lived ‘in the family home’—with his parents.

Mark, whom my tenant, Al, introduced me to as divorced….was not even separated from his wife. He was so funny. I continued to see him for the funny even though I would not be sexual with him.

Then more single dates…  lots of aggressive men who really believe they will give you a good time( )until Jon, the mass communications major who couldn’t think what to say to me. He was also so attractive, and I seduced him…but…nothing. Then a few people remember Chisanga. He was a Ph.D. candidate in political science at Northwestern. I met him at the African students’ party (after Mawba committed suicide—that was a shocking and rough time…end of 1985). African men: you can’t teach them anything. I went through a series of them. They have no idea what they’re doing, They develop bad habits when young and apparently a lot of women let them get away with it. Then James….another total waste of time. He set up the boundaries early. We always had plenty to talk about, but he knew exactly what he wanted and didn’t want.

Amadou…thanks to Baidoo, I let that go on way too long. I think we had sex twice. What was going on in his mind? He wanted to be self-employed but was just too stupid. That’s the truth. He used to steal from me. He thought I didn’t know. After 3 months, I just refused to see him. What was really funny was that after we hadn’t seen each other in several months, I came home 1 day to a message on the answering machine. His car had broken down somewhere on I-80 & he wanted me to pick him up. I had been out most of the day, so I have no idea when he called…or where he was—not that I would have gone to fetch him. He used up all that goodwill. Baidoo told me I was wrong, but when Amadou stole from Baidoo’s girlfriend, he believed me.

When Kunihiro came to live with me, I thought I had hit the jackpot. What a sweet man. But I learned he was from the generation of Japanese men known to be part of sekkusu shinai shokogun. For whatever reason, they have found that dealing with women for sex is such a fraught experience, that they don’t do it. What a waste of physical masculinity! But—-and this is what is very important—-because I like him so much as a person, I respect his boundaries and we have lived together in relative peace for over 20 years. Who would have believed it?

Not to lose hope, I wanted a sex life after writing my own erotic fantasy, so I joined all these dating sites and ended up actually meeting—–face-to-face— 5 men. I Iranian guy who just wanted a regular lay but although he lived near Wrigley, he wouldn’t come up to Rogers Park. 1 guy was a sapiophile who had gotten himself into so much debt I didn’t think he’d ever recover, as funny and smart as he was. 1 guy not only did not read my profile, he lied about it. His photo had to be way over 10 years old or retouched, and he was Catholic. Catholic! What a waste of time! The Iranian guy in his 30’s, who lived across the street. How sweet to be told that I didn’t look that old, but he was worse than any 14-year-old boy I had ever encountered. What an asshole. After pretty much attacking me—I did not allow rape to happen, he had the nerve the next day to ask to see me again! Then George, several weeks ago who told me a guy owned him several hundred dollars and he was having trouble collecting. He was also a professional poker player, but he paid his rent in cash. He had no credit cards, no savings, no nothing. Just what I need. I was pleasant.  I practice being pleasant because my friends know that I have a low threshold for bullshit.

This handsome young guy, whose photo I stared at forever, came across my feed.   I just said to myself, “A shame, too young.”  Then he messaged me because he wants steady and regular sex with a woman my age. But he told me his boundaries quickly:  nobody spends the night, he never spends the night. Yet he wants to be told he is loved. I had nothing to lose. We actually had a text ‘discussion’ (oh, the modern world) about…body hair.  He texted me that he was ready for me last week. I texted him to not shave (I  like a guy with facial hair. Like someone told Freddie Mercury,” I don’t date a guy who doesn’t have a mustache…”).  He told me he had shaved his body.  OMG…why?  He said it’s for hygiene, …and girls like it.  Not this girl. This girl wants her sex partner to look, feel, and smell like an adult.    How often do I turn to Freddie dancing around with light on his chest hair? (FYI—a good glimpse :   2:01—2:05 & 4:54—5:00, 5: 50—5:24)?  So I put it to him plain:  I am making a lot of compromises to be with him under his terms, and for me, his body hair adds to my sexual experience.  I couldn’t believe we had to address this, but this was NOT a romance. This was a planned sexual encounter.  I guess I had to spell that out for him, too. He has set the terms and I acquiesced to his terms.  He wanted to be loved.   Maybe no other sexual partner has ever verbalized why she was unhappy, why she left, but I have no problem with this.  I have sought out, by elimination and not being overly descriptive in my profile online that I didn’t want a Christian—not only for the baggage that comes along with asking a deity for forgiveness but because I didn’t want a pasty European guy. But I also, in so many words, wanted a  partner who had experienced what I had experienced in society:  being an other.  Does he really think he’s been assimilated and accepted? Do these guys want him dating their sisters?  Clearly, he’s had enough profound disappointment to reach out to strangers….as I have.  On the 1 to 10 vulnerability scale, this is about a 4.   Allowing a woman to sleep with you, so you can so subconsciously smell and feel her all night, so when you wake up hard, you can reach for her and make love—have intercourse without talking, or wake up in the morning—hard—and have a woman ready for you…why would you avoid that? That’s love.  Telling a woman after you ejaculate that you love her.  That’s just immaturity.

I  had a feeling he was more talk than action. He really didn’t understand that the fantasies you have in your mind, or that you experience via media may not feel the same in real life.  He was so explicit.  Not going into lurid details now—I’m putting them into a book and have people pay to read it, but I did something he asked me to do, and he clearly wasn’t enjoying it.  When I asked him what was wrong, since he had asked for this, he said, “I never expected you to do it.”  To me, that is so sad.  & now he won’t talk to me because he is so embarrassed about failing me and takes full blame and we can’t talk it out anyway because it’s Ramadan.

But, although I didn’t nearly get what I had hoped for (-I could just tell by how he expressed himself that he was another ‘wrong planet’ emigre), there was something I can enjoy in my own fantasies;  the feel of his beard, his arms, and his chest.  He was the best thing I’ve felt in over 20 years.

Of course, I am not settling for that. I  hope in the future I will hear him on the phone again…but I am starting out now to cultivate the next victim.I’ve recently had text conversations with  4 men and have actually talked to three.   a

At least two are looking for marriage.  Like my Muse, I’m happy with my life, except for this one thing…


Integrity. What does it mean to act with integrity? Is integrity the same in Africa and the United States? Is it telling the truth? Being fair? Not doing harm? Being accountable to your community? Do lovers owe each other integrity? Do they owe integrity to those around them?

Daler, a Sikh teenager, and Amara, an American Jewess in her early twenties, met due to family connections. They are brought together when Daler is asked to escort Amara on a brief trip in Africa. Then, due to circumstances, they don’t see each other for twenty years. Daler an engineer who falls into being a rock star is sure he’s in love, but Amara, a dog groomer and trainer, is more pragmatic. Their lives are so different.

Amara sees herself as a polyandress, if not necessarily by choice.

Daler thinks they have something special…or do they? Will cultural differences define who they are to each other? Can their relationship work?

by Robyn Michaels


In stores now!





May 7, 2020

Some people who disregard what I’ve written because it’s…smut. But is it?  When Ann Patchett wrote Truth and Beauty, about her relationship with the writer Lucy Grealy (who wrote ‘Autobiography of a Face’), she didn’t consider it controversial, but the truth.  Yet,  a bunch of protesters, who hadn’t actually read either book, demonstrated against Patchett being allowed to speak at Clemson University because she wrote about ‘the love between two women’. Yes, Patchett did write about the love she had for Lucy, and how Lucy had coped with so much physical pain and romantic rejection. Patchett even wrote about Lucy’s bad choices, including drugs and sexual promiscuity, but there is nothing salacious about Patchett’s book. That’s the problem when Christian men get hold of something & turn it into something else to discredit or debase women. The men remain credible, and the women have to defend themselves.  In any case, what I write is being judged by the larger Christian community.

I am going to defend my choices.  I became acquainted with an attractive man through a dating site.  He seems honest. We haven’t actually met. There are some things that aren’t quite right.  He’s Catholic, and as I’ve said many times, you can’t have it both ways.  Over the past week, he’s tried to find out more about me, and he has asked some interesting questions.  However, in a recent text chat, he mentioned me to his daughter and had her text me.   I just can’t imagine why a man would do that.  If I had kids, I wouldn’t have them meet anyone I didn’t know until I really knew them.

Our actual conversations haven’t been totally clear because of the audio quality of both our phones.   He now has Covid19, is very discouraged and not feeling well (but not bad enough off to be hospitalized).  I asked him what it was he actually did for a living. He lives in a very upscale community, so he must be paid well (he had also asked me if I invested).  He told me he sold mining and drilling equipment. When I asked him, he affirmed that yes, he sold fracking equipment. He was reluctant to explain how he justified helping greedy people ruin the global fresh water supplies just to make money. He said to me, “Don’t judge.”

  I am not rich, but I’ve been able to carve out economic security for myself while not having to compromise my values, for the most part. It’s been tough. A few times I took work for pay doing things I was not comfortable with, but I didn’t make a career out of compromising my values.  I worked for less than a week for a man who resold dogs from puppy mills. He lied to buyers that they were raised by families. Sure, the Amish are families—but make no mistake: puppies are a cash crop to them, like any other livestock. I just couldn’t do it. I am a purebred dog fancier. Ethical hobby breeders who love their dogs don’t sell puppies to be resold. They want to meet the people who say they want puppies.

I’ve worked for veterinarians who lied about how much playtime day boarding dogs got, and how much time dogs spent in cages, especially overnight in their own filth because they didn’t want to pay an overnight person to let the dogs out. I’ve even worked for one who told people he would euthanize a dog, and kept it as a blood donor! I’ve worked for dog daycare owners who didn’t train their staff and allowed dogs to be bullied and harassed, or isolated with no playtime. People whose friends found dogs that were lost, and, instead of searching for the owner, or seeing if the dog was chipped, kept the dog for themselves or resold it.

I’ve groomed dogs for ‘no-kill’ dog rescues that lied about dogs being good with kids, or housebroken.

Briefly, I sold timeshares for a company until I learned that, because they were resellers, most of the buyers had a terrible time booking the weeks they had paid for.

I have many Catholic friends. Most have lapsed.  They lapse for the same reasons I   address in my writing:  a religion that has managed to sustain itself by protecting leaders—and that’s what the church hierarchy is—who have acted for their own best interests, while not just misleading followers, but protecting stronger people who have exploited their flocks.  It’s 1 thing to be culturally Catholic, and another to continue to support these hypocritical people because it’s comfortable and you think it benefits yourself.

I wondered for a long time if I was really out of the mainstream. Having these questions led me to study cultural anthropology. I had a unique instructor who assigned books written by Africans, and that’s where I discovered Chinua Achebe’s books, particularly Things Fall Apart.

So now, I am being confronted, and that is the term, by potential lovers who haven’t ever addressed that they’re characterizing themselves as Catholic. I’ve had the conversation with a few Christians who have denied that this is how it is—but this is how it appears; once you have admitted that you are not perfect, you can make the wrong choice. Then, you ask Jesus for forgiveness, and you can get into Heaven. You can attain salvation even though you knew what the right choice was but chose to do the wrong thing anyway.

Having been an environmentalist…evolving from being a teenaged tree hugger into someone who understood the scientific ramifications of protecting or stewarding the natural environment (or not), I try to act on what I believe.  I helped found one of the first community-based recycling centers in the country. I have lived in places where getting fresh water was a daily struggle. I don’t think I could make the wrong choice and then ask a deity to forgive me. I have no savior. Nobody would get me into their heaven. I could not live with a wrong choice to just make money. This is what Trump and the GOP are doing now.

Yet, that is what I am being confronted with. I am being asked to overlook or discard the fact that a potential lover helps people poison the environment. Does he think there is an ‘away’? That what he does two miles down the road, or on another continent, won’t affect him and his children? I’m waiting for an answer. but, for now, I have to step back. I can’t be giving (or receiving) sexual pleasure from a man who does this, and that was the whole point of trying to get to know him. I am very disappointed. Such is life.

The Fancy is Killing the Fancy (I Learned This Promoting Polyandress)

April 29, 2020

My Saluki as a young dog. Sold as a pet, he finished his AKC championship in fewer than 10 shows. His breeder trained him—& didn’t charge for the training!

I’ve been publicizing my book, Polyandress an erotic romance that a dog fancier( a groomer and trainer), has with a boy who seduced her, the child of a man her grandfather bought as a slave in the 1950s:

Slavery occurs in much of the world, still, and the scenario I wrote is very plausible. In many places, slaves were allowed to buy their freedom which was the debt the slaveowner had incurred to get a servant. As I wrote the store, the character’s father was very clever and learned the business his owner was in. After learning the business, he became relatively successful.  The son became a rock star. It’s an erotic genre.

In any case, I wrote this character young because when I was in my 20’s, in the 1970s, it happened to me several times: a very young teenage boy tried to seduce me. More, I had the experience, as a teenager, learning about sex from a boy not much older than I, and he became my husband.

I had also spent some time in this part of the world and I had an academic research background. That’s why the story starts in Africa. There was no statutory rape in this part of Africa. I heard it from many African men, “If she looks old enough, she is old enough.” Nobody would ever in a million years question if a boy was old enough. He’d know if he was old enough.

Why did I make this part of the story? I was addressing aspects of integrity. I had my female character address it to the teenager:  that he had to keep perspective. To make this part of the story, I had to make him a rock star who would have the money and the means to travel. But the non-sexual part of the story is that the female character is hired to help a guy train his dogs. He thinks he wants to breed them and she tells him what people who really love dogs do. They do a lot.

I didn’t know anything about writing or self-publishing or finding an editor, but I got a story that holds together.

How do I get people to read the story? I have to market it myself, and I selected dog groomers, Returned Peace Corps Volunteers, and dog people in general.

I’d contact the various kennel clubs, the specialty clubs first, and ask people to buy and read my book. & yes, it’s an erotic romance. Is it smut? Nobody gets hurt. There’s no violence. There’s a discussion about how people learn about sex and sexual expression, and what keeps people from making mistakes, particularly regarding relationships.

Prototype cover without the dogs & title.

I keep defending this, but as much as the ‘genre’ is the issue on ‘the fanciers’ side, the AKC has not assisted the club in marketing themselves at all.

How did I find the clubs? By going to the AKC web database, which is not the most intuitive thing to use. If I didn’t have a background in dogs & know the clubs, and who’s in charge of what, I couldn’t do this.

The biggest problem is that the local clubs don’t generally keep up their links with the parent club: “(The Breed) Club of America” or American (breed)Club.  Sometimes, the pages no longer exist and the domain name is for sale…to any puppy miller. Or it a has been bought (at leas the URL—call your club whatever you want, but do you want the link you forgot about to go to an architectural firm in Taiwan—or a commercial breeder?).   Other problems include; there is no way to contact the club through the website. You actually have to Google the Club by name & they MAY have a Facebook page, but they may or may not have a ‘send message’ or ’email’ link. It depends on who in the club is savvy.

Now I can sort of maneuver the database because I have a good idea of the names of the clubs—but what if you don’t know the actual name of the club?  Say, you Google ‘Afghan Hounds Chicago.’ If a breeder has those Google adwords, the Afghan Hound Club of Greater Chicago won’t show up—or worse, the club website will show up, but none of the links work, so you can’t contact the club. So you go to any breeder, but what if you just want to hang with Afghan Hound lovers? Sorry…you are S. O. L.

Now, what if you don’t know the name of a breed. Say, you only can name a few breeds: German Shepherd, Golden Retriever, Labrador Retriever, Poodle, Dachshund, Husky, Cocker Spaniel, English Bulldog, Shih Tzu, Boston Terrier, Chihuahua, Pug. You aren’t going to go looking for a Keeshond or Norwegian Elkhound. Funny(not) thing: People know what Pomskies are. Although they are a cross between a Pomeranian and a Siberian Husky, more people know what they are than …Keeshond or Norwegian Elkhounds. So—those club should buy the Googe adwords for ‘POMSKY’…like the Irish Water Spaniel, the Spanish Water Do0g, Portuguese Water Dog, and Barbet fancies should bu all the Google Adwords for all the Doodles: labra-, Golden-, Berna-, Sheepa–, Newfa….doodles. Chances are the people looking for Doodles want the PREDICTABILITY of a purebred dog, but have never heard of those breeds.

There are so many breeds the public doesn’t know.  & yet another problem is…the club doesn’t have a newsletter or even a local listserv. Or worse—a conservative Christian gatekeeper as secretary, who has accused me of peddling smut.

Yeah, I guess it is. Dang me, describing acts of sexual pleasure than don’t involve intercourse or making babies. God forbid a teenager should get a hold of Polyandress and find out you can have great sex without risking health, life, and pregnancy. And— you might learn what ethical breeders do when they love purebred dogs and want to see the breeds thrive into the future.

Covid19 Day 25 +

April 24, 2020

Day 25 April 17  At least I have plenty to do with my time.  I drafted a plan for dog groomers that could possibly mitigate future exposure. I’m not sure, it just seems it’s the best we can hope for,  for the foreseeable future.  either insist all clients come in wearing masks or we meet them in the parking lot at their cars with the dogs outside their cars on 6-foot leashes. No Flexis. That shouldn’t be too much to ask for. No handovers (so dangerous. dogs hate being handed over & are more apt to bite).  Prefer electronic payment or by credit card.  We’ll see if this is adopted. 

I did get a bit of marketing done today, and some reading and laundry.  We started out with snow. That’s not unusual for the end of April.  My Muse texted that it was very busy at his store, people spending their stimulus checks and he thinks it’s in anticipation of Monday which is 4/20…a significant date for marijuana smokers. He is not a dispensary, just tobacco, and supplies.  My check was direct deposited, but for people who didn’t have direct deposit, Trump has had his name put in the memo line, A really crass way to get people to think He is responsible for their extra cash. Of course, in a way he is, having ignored warnings from the World Health Organization since January. I am looking forward to seeing Muhammed tomorrow at his home and I’m hoping he doesn’t try to cancel me again. Kunihiro stopped at an Asian grocery yesterday. He wasn’t wearing a mask nor were most people in the store.

Day 27. My father was taken from the nursing home to the hospital. After being, essentially, in solitary confinement for over 4 weeks (& no visitors in 6 weeks), he had Covid19.

My muse? No longer.What a letdown,. So disappointed. So, after just cleaning the house and being anxious myself with anticipation, I schlepped out to DeKalb, and it did take 90 minutes to get out there, as I thought it would. His house is nice, very clean. The dog was well behaved, but I could tell from the moment he greeted me he had reservations and it sort of went downhill from there. He said he had anxiety, and purposely didn’t go into work but was monitoring security cameras to see what was going on. He seemed distracted. I found him to be better looking in person than his photos showed. So we talked a little about who was essential, travel (which he hates…he likes his own bed and is terrified of flying) and then he said, “Let’s go upstairs.” Things started out fine, or at least ok. I was hoping for more of a seduction, but you get what you get. What I got was a man who seemed afraid to stimulate me, and not as experienced as he thought  he was. I hadn’t had intercourse in over 3 years (and it had been 17 before that) and why? For this very reason: men not willing to take their time, and not willing to please women.

I did something he asked me to do, but he clearly wasn’t enhoying it. I asked him what was wrong, and he said his anxiety, and I said, “I thought you wanted this. You told me what you wanted and were very explicit,” He said to me, “But I didn’t expect you to do it!”

Why not? Then I  asked for what I wanted,  he responded, “I can’t do that, I had a very bad experience once. I can only (do it under very specific circumstances.” I should have gotten up , but I was dumfounded and my gut reaction to myself was, I am in bed with not just you but all the baggage you’ve brought along, every bad sexual experience you ever had and no good ones.

 I said to him, “We discussed this. I told you what I wanted.” He said he was sorry. He held me, and it was great to feel him.  but he wasn’t as experienced as he thought he was.  The expression on his face, and how his chest and arms felt. Yeah, what a woman will do to get something out of a mediocre experience.

So we were laying there, and he sort of gasped. Apparently, he has a pulled groin muscle, and he has to get an MRI.  It would have been helpful to know before we started, but will a guy tell you he’s in physical pain if he can still have an orgasm? Never.

So we talked for a few minutes, as I was in bed with all his baggage, and I asked him about his fiance—from about 10 years ago, who, because he never got around to a formal engagement, left him for another guy.
And, it seems, since then, his sexual interactions have just been adequate (except for the threesome, so I think he should hire some girls if that was the best sex he ever had). The fact of the matter is that he feels relationships are too difficult, but clearly, he isn’t forthcoming, and no woman has been so with him. Why should anyone?

Then, his mother called. It was about 7:30 by this time, and he said he had to pick up a prescription for her. So I said, “Shall we go for a ride?> He said No. I asked, “What about dinner?” & he answered, “I have too much anxiety to eat. I  can tell you of a few places if you want to stop on your way home.”

I didn’t say anything to that. No point. He did the 1 thing I asked him not to do, and he had assured me several times that he wanted to spend some time with me, but I made a 3 hour round trip for less than 2 hours of ‘entertainment’ and no meal. If ever there was a barrier to trust, it was this. His diet is worse than atrocious. He drinks Mountain Dew. If that won’t give you heart palpitations, I don’t know what will. He doesn’t eat fruits or vegetables.

So, in so many words, this handsome, accomplished young (33) man is…fucked up. I really like him, but I don’t want a project, and I wanted a lover, and it’s impossible. Very disappointing. Worse? I know, from experience and the medical people I talk to, if he doesn’t get his stress and anxiety under control, and change his diet, the only sex he’s going to have by age 40 is with those little blue pills which are not cheap. Very sad.

I returned home very frustrated and disappointed. this morning, the first call was from my stepmother. My father died overnight.

Day28.    My father died early this morning. He wasn’t sick long, but look at his quality of life?  The facility stopped letting in visitors over 6 weeks before. Then,  from about 4 weeks ago, they were confined to their rooms. Like jail, solitary confinement, Not that he was the most social guy, but he did most of the group activities.  He hated the food from the very start. It was bland because of all the  dietary restrictions so many people have.  My father wasn’t an adventurous eater, either. But he had breathing problems Friday, so they took him to the emergency room and the decline started. He got pneumonia and they had him in an oxygen tent he got calls from my step brother and sisters, and their kids, whom he’s had a  more active relationship with my sister’s kids and my niece’s kids.

He wanted a graveside service, but only 10 people can be at the cemetery, Bea cause of this, the Rabbi said he’d set up a Zoom funeral.  this is how things are. No shiva because of what’s happening.

So I’m still pretty upset that my  Muse we made a 180-degree turn.  \He won’t even talk to me.  I trusted him but I was looking at Tinder.  I had several responses from guys on Plenty of Fish.  I always do…but what a sorry state if affairs  Christians, dead beats, guys who look so old, more guys holding fish.  Most of the guys on tinder are really so far away.  So this guy, ‘Akira’, says he’s an orthopedic surgeon at Great Lakes.  that’s essentially just north of Lake Bluff, north of Lake Forest, along the Lakefront.  But something’s not written, He’s texting me on a burner phone.  Another widower with a daughter, Whose English is really not that good. God-fearing, of course. I mean, really.  So I told him I wasn’t. I have a moral compass.  So I ask him what his first language is, and he tells me it’s Japanese.  This guy!  In the photos, he’s clearly not Asian.  European?  But who is this guy on the phone?  I have to play along with a little longer, and just the aggravation takes my mind of Muhammed.  In the end, he wouldn’t send me a selfie so I blocked him.

Day 29. we had a meeting with the rabbi who will conduct my father’s funeral service, and we did this via Zoom. My 2 sisters, my niece Lauren, and my stepsisters & stepbrother and  2 of their kids.  Apparently, my father was very close with his step-grandchildren.  Well, we always felt he had a better relationship with them. Where was my brother?  I think Sharyn said he was working. I’m not sure. How many flowers can a flower warehouse sell during quarantine?  & apparently, there was confusion over whether Kunihiro was my significant other.  Obviously, nobody has read my book. So there is graveside tomorrow at 11, and then online at 2:30 again.  So surreal.

I did get a lot of marketing done on my book, and 1 of the Golden Retrieve Clubs said several people wanted to read it, so I sent out a PDF. I now have 2 reviews on Amazon. that’s good.  I am still feeling quite bad about Muhammed.  He just wasn’t honest with himself. It’s true, we had nothing in common except wanting to be with each other,and he couldn’t tell me what he wanted after our encounter, just what he didn’t want.  But my attitude is, when a man asks you for something, and you can do it for him and it doesn’t disgust you, why not?  But when he then appears upset that he didn’t enjoy what he asked for, there is no hope.

Day 30.  There was a graveside service for my father, and I got there just as it was starting due to unusually bad traffic on all my regular routes. This l  cemetery was about 30 miles from where I live.  So we were obviously scattered around, al wearing masks. This was at 11, and it took me almost an hour to get back. Then, we did the memorial funeral on Zoom.  Several of my father’s grandkids (these are the children of my stepbrother and stepsisters, gave eulogies, and there were very touching. so did my niece, and hers was very good too. She elaborated on what she learned from my father, My sister said a few things. I opted to say nothing, Same with my brother. Bu brother because I think he is a bit addled. Me, because my experience of my father compared to what everyone else had to say was somewhat different. What would I say? that he told me he’d rather I  be a prostitute than go with a ph.D. candidate from Zambia, because he was black, or that he tried to forbid me as an adult to date a guy from Pakistan (not that either guy had potential). that he called me one when I was in Malawi, before the phone was cut off(the telecom wanted ME to pay the outstanding bill of about $200 the last owner of the phone didn’t pay), and when I told him that the place was going to hell in a handbasket, he yelled at me saying I  shouldn’t have gone.  He did ultimately get to South Africa, but wouldn’t have considered visiting me in Malawi.  Or should I talk about the time I  was an U.N. volunteer in Bosnia, but I told him I was going to California.  When I alluded to the trip months later, he asked me, “who knew?”  I told him, “Everyone.”  & When he asked, “Why  didn’t you tell me?”  I responded, “I think you know why.” but it’s over.  Been messaging with a man who contacted me last year on Plenty of Fish and then seemed to have lost interest. Attractive, by his photos, but in Lemont, which is off I-80somewher. Also, Catholic.  I am trying to be more open-minded, but he’d have to be a damn good lay for me to get involved.  He’s looking for ‘true’ love’. What I hear is he’s looking wor a woman who doesn’t know good sex from bad, who won’t make demands, who wants to be taken care of.  I want an honest & reliable guy. A man who understands that Kunihiro is  soshoku-kei danshi, he provides me with stability, and unless you can do that, nothing changes.

I also talked with Tim, my editor today, and he said he didn’t get the last batch of pages. No wonder I hadn’t heard from him!  So, I didn’t get a lot accomplished today, but i still have a few hours to make myself productive.

Gov. Pritzker issued a new order, & now dog groomers are essential services. I think a lot of microbusiness owners lobbied him.  It looks like I will have some work after May1.


Day 20 + Covid19

April 17, 2020

Dali’s muse: Gala

Day 20 + Covid19

Day 20Today is Easter. I’m, hoping all the people who think social isolation is a waste of time & that if God wants them, it is their time—-go to church. Socialize with each other, and your families. Word is that there is a 14 day incubation period. So….. by the end of the month, whoever doubts the level of contagion will be infected, and either be very sick, die, or a carrier.

We have to start testing very soon. We can’t continue this way. Sure, we will probably all still have to be wearing masks for the foreseeable future, but we have to get back to work.

Everyone is feeling stressed and anxious. I decided I was willing to play the odds and go meet my Muse in his house out in corn country. We’ve both been asymptomatic, both been taking precautions, but when it came to actually meeting, me saying, “Ok, I will come to you and get this party started,” he got a pang of conscience and said he didn’t want to risk getting me sick.  I didn’t think he had it in him.  As things look, it will be the end of May before we can actually meet.  I would place a money bet.

This whole situation is a test of integrity, but also ingenuity. Ramadan starts in about 10 days. I have no idea how he addresses reflection to himself, but I am getting a better idea of how he really is. Just from what I can tell, he has Asperger’s. I guess it takes one to know one. He is very rigid in how he conducts his life. I am a creature of habit myself. It’s just that over the years, I’ve learned to pick my battles. so…

Today has never been a holiday for me. My most memorable Easter was almost 30 years ago, camping near Palombe (Malawi) with the VSO, and how they brought 2 cases of beer, meat, white bread, and white potatoes for a camping dinner and none of them had ever cooked over a fire. Then, it started raining at around 5:a.m.

Yesterday, Day 19, I ‘baked’ a little. Since I had mashed potato flakes and the other ingredients, I made mashed potato cookies. Ingredients include shredded coconut, so it’s like a rich macaroon.  Those came out well, but the ‘cheese straws” using filo dough did not come out.  The recipe steps were too many, the ingredients were way too few—  definitely needed more whipped eggs.  So I made dinner tonight and Kunihiro said it was better than last night, “those bread things with too much salt.”

I had no idea what he was talking about because I had made bulgar the day before that (Thursday?  Friday?), but I opened the cookie box forgetting I had put some of these things in the box, which came out more like fried papadum.  Then, I knew what he was talking about.   Are you, too, trying out all those recipes you never got around to?  Interesting how you can then discard them so quickly.

And then there’s my Muse, who is clearly overwhelmed and stressed because of course, his business has been busy as ever, and he’s gotten more customers but doesn’t have the assistance, and I know that neither of us wants a long-distance relationship. Whatever would be the point of that?  This isn’t ‘love’, this is an assignation.  Look it up—you can Google word definitions,.  But that’s what it is.  I am under no illusions, so here’s a story I heard long ago which always reminds me to bargain for what I want:  This woman is at a bar,  and a man comes in. He sees her and is interested.  He goes to her and introduces himself and after a few banal pleasantries, he asks her, “Would you sleep with me for a million dollars?”  She laughs and responds, “Sure!  Let’s go!”  But the guy then responds, “Well, would you sleep with me for $10?”  The woman becomes irate and she responds, “No!  What do you think I am?”  He says to her, “We know what you are, we’re just haggling over the price.”

Yes, I know what I am, I’m just haggling over the price. Tell me, many of you actually know me:  where am I going to find a hot young man at my age?  Someone who doesn’t have a zillion pounds of baggage. A healthy guy who is honest about what he wants.  A guy who understands responsibility.  A guy who can support himself.  A hot guy.

Day 21.  I’ve totally wasted today.  I didn’t get out of bed until almost  8,  and then I made a pot of steel-cut oatmeal that should last at least a few days. I  read the paper, took the dogs out for a decent walk, watched a couple of videos on Rudolph Nureyev, the ballet dancer, and now I really have to get back to marketing my book.  Wasted way too much time on Muhammad’s website looking at some of the videos of him.  Last night we spent an hour talking.  He said he wished we lived closer. That was something I addressed first when he contacted me.  I can tell by talking to him we are living in very separate realities. He said he can’t believe I want to give him a blow job. I won’t disabuse him of that until I actually see him. I just told him I would definitely teach him what I want, and my God I sure will.  He’s told me some of his fantasies, and he’s really not too far out there.  I won’t reveal them here (What I will do is ultimately write about them for pay). But he thinks like a guy, and  I’ll just have to work through that.  This is a guy who doesn’t eat fruits or vegetables.  That’s immature.  If I do only 1 thing for him besides giving him a blow job—-apparently the only thing missing from his life, I hope I can introduce healthy food into his diet. Not planning on changing him, but I hope to scare the living daylights out of him. The reason men over 45 need Viagra is their veins are clogged by a life of red meat-eating.

Day 22  half the day is gone. I am going to do marketing this afternoon.  I  wasted time listening to a free webinar on how to find the man of your dreams via dating, put on by a ‘Life coach”.    Finding love is the luck of the draw.  She made some good points, but anyone with half a brain could figure this out.  The last date I went on, about 2 months ago,  I went on because the guy lived nearby, his politics were progressive, he didn’t drink or smoke…and that was all we had in common.  He was my age and had NOTHING. He didn’t have credit cards because he had apparently abused his credit.  He did auto bodywork, and he lived from hand to mouth.  The reason I continue to pursue the Muse is that he owns a business (not one I would have ever even considered going into—selling tobacco produces), he owns his own house, doesn’t smoke or drink, and he knows what he wants.  Of course, actually meeting is probably weeks off. I know we won’t get together before Ramadan.

Anyways, I  went & did major shopping at Aldi’s this morning, because we were out of a lot of stuff:  olive oil, some frozen food, hummus,  guacamole, raisin bran.

I had a great discussion with my fellow groomer, Lee Chen last night.  Of course, her shop is closed, and she isn’t sure  she will reopen.  But someone saw her shop door open and called to see if she was really open. No, she was just cleaning everything with bleach & wanted t to dissipate it & not breathe it. Ok, to actual work now!

Days 23 & 24….Yesterday I spent several hours contacting dog clubs about my book—- Polyandress, and about their broken links to their parent clubs.  So many dog clubs have websites with no way to click a link to contact them. What’s the point of that?  It was tedious.  I also started editing some short stories that I hope to submit to publications, but they need so much work crafting.  My Muse suggested that we get together tomorrow.  He wants to find out if we really have actual physical chemistry. So do I.  I still can’t believe he wants a woman my age but I have nothing to lose.  Late yesterday my roommate told me he was going in to work. Since  My Muse had agreed to Friday, I  texted,  and in passing said Kunihiro was going to work.  So My Muse texted back that he could come and see me.  Why we can’t have a vocal conversation is beyond me at this point, but  I texted back that I have to be out of the house by 1, and will be busy until at least 8 I(a doctor’s appointment and  2 webinars), but if he arrived by 10 we’d have several hours.  He texted back that he was not driving in the morning. I assumed that was partly because of morning inbound traffic, but no, he was taking the day off & wanted to sleep in.  But since I assumed it was morning traffic, I responded, ‘But you want me to deal afternoon traffic.” So he texted back that he didn’t know I had planned for today, and let’s do Saturday instead, and that it was his mission to fulfill my fantasy Saturday.  I, again, asked him to please not shave anything, and he texted back about my ‘demands’. Joking, but still.  I woke up around 1, feeling so intently physical as though we had made love.  I was trembling.  I rarely have sex dreams. It’s the anticipation.  This is why we  have agreed to play the odds, but that’s what he said about Easter, and then he said he’d feel bad if I got sick.  All bets are off.  We haven’t gotten sick yet, it’s just him and me.

That addressed, my stepmother called and said my father was in the hospital. His breathing was labored.  This is old age and complications. Since the quarantine started, he’s been confined to his room at the nursing home, as have been all residents.  Like prison, to avoid transmission.  He is confined also to a wheelchair.  His circulation is bad due to inactivity as well as diabetes. We all die of something.  Nobody just dies.  But he’s not dead yet.  Also talked to my sister. Amazingly, they sold their house the first day it was on the market and have put a deposit on a home in Tennessee.  I’m sure life will be better—and cheaper, for her down there. The house showed amazingly well considering the rooms are generally small and the house is a bit dark, the layout is sort of not useful.  No matter.  My father knows he will probably never see my sister ever again.


Love in the Time of the New Normal: The Muse

April 2, 2020

Me at the resale store 15 years ago.

Please bear with me.  I am  publicizing Polyandress:

I am told a link for Kindle will be up shortly.  Still happy to send out pdfs of manuscript IF YOU WILL REVIEW  THE BOOK ON A WEBSITE OR IN A NEWSLETTER OR ON FACEBOOK!

If I wasn’t living it, I’d swear this could not be happening. Since Trump was elected, we all kept saying, “Just when you think it can’t get any worse, it does.” We lost the EPA, a society girl who never taught is in charge of education. He turned the government over to the swamp dwellers. He actually banned people from some countries from coming over unless they were Christians! One of his first executive orders was to get rid of the rule that made professional investment advisors fiduciaries.

My life was normal and mundane….

This is the guy

Whenever PoF  (Plenty of fish) sends me a notice, I check guys out, and most guys, I can tell, have not read my profile and are  just looking at  boobs. I saw his profile , his photo, but saw immediately that he was too young…. but what a smile. It stayed with me.  But he messaged me!  So I asked him why he wanted a woman old enough to be his mother.  What he said was that he had better relationships with women my age. That we were more serious, and he wanted consistency.  I asked him where he lived, and he said, “In the western suburbs.”  I am along the lakefront, so I asked him which, and he responded, “Dekalb.” For those who can look at a map, DeKalb is a small college town. It is not a suburb.  It is 60 miles away.  He countered with Crystal Lake being a suburb. Barely…it is just as far—McHenry County. I am still pretty skeptical. But that smile. Oh, baby.  The photos are real, and he’s not posing with a fish or little kids.  The  1 photo with the dog . At least it’s not a Doodle or designer dog.

I  email him that  I groom and train dogs (what kind of dog is that he has? It looks like a Cane Corso, or is he just a huge Pit Bull?)  I put myself through undergrad by grooming—-also, I didn’t go to college until I was 30.  I got an assistantship to grad school, helped by a  photographer who was a professor.

I come from a family of visual artists, and I used to create a lot of visual art, but sculpting dog hair satisfies that desire to create. I have a portfolio of art people have done of me, and that includes stereoscopic slides. I am really into that kind of stuff. In fact, I was in Barcelona in November just to see the art.  It was a great trip. he apparently doesn’t travel.

 I ask…Do you have siblings?  I have 2 younger sisters & 1 younger brother. We are not close, but we stay in touch—except my brother. A longish story.   Are your parents still alive?  My mother died in her early 40s from lung cancer. My father is 93 & in a nursing home in Buffalo Grove—less than a mile from my stepmother.

I haven’t really been ‘dating’.  I haven’t had sex with a man in 3 years.  I am on several sites and I am planning on withdrawing my profile because, for the most part, it isn’t working.  Lots of scammers (which is why I now ask men, when they claim to live in Chicago, what neighborhood they live in.  If you live in Chicago, you know your neighborhood).  Then, there are the men who are not honest, and the Christians (that just doesn’t work for me…I have no intention of giving a blow job to a man who supports a church that views me as heathen or evil).  I may as well be blunt about it.  That said…

 I continue:  My first lover was my ex-husband, and he was very adventurous and wanted to try things I would have never dreamed of doing, but I was just 15 & he was 16, so cut me some slack.  As good as the sex was, we had other differences. We were together 10 years then divorced after 2 years of marriage. Then, by chance, I met a really interesting guy who lived just ½ mile away.  Proximity is important, but we’ll see how this goes.  He was an amazing lover, but he wasn’t prepared to be monogamous & moved away. Then I dated and rarely saw any guy more than once. Nobody was that exciting.  I was with a Zambian guy getting his Ph.D.  at Northwestern,  extremely funny, very clever, but he saw himself as an elite and we really weren’t on the same page.   It so happened that a guy came into my social circle. He was a few years younger than I, and a virgin (obviously), and my friends said it was my responsibility to correct that, so I seduced him.  He was also a very good lover….but he was getting a Ph.D. in mass communications, and unless I started a conversation, we had none.  That made me crazy and I gave up and didn’t date. This was the 1980s. 

I was a founder of a community-based recycling project and met a guy who worked for the city, and we seemed to have a lot in common and he was adorable…but it didn’t take long to learn that he just wasn’t into me.  He was really unreliable, and told me what was important to him—& it wasn’t me. He didn’t want to meet any of my friends and didn’t want me to meet his friends. I will not allow that to happen again. He was genuinely shocked when I went into the Peace Corps.

When I returned, I did start seeing him again, but it still wasn’t good.  I bet he wouldn’t think it, but he was very sexually conservative with me.  I’m not into kinky:  I don’t want to be spanked, dress up, don’t want a threesome.  But I do enjoy oral sex and you can have great sex without intercourse. Tell me now if this isn’t you….because it gets better…or worse…

 I lived alone and contracted to host foreign students for the summer, and that’s how I got my roommate. He’s very reliable, but he’s like Sheldon Cooper from Big Bang Theory.  I am not his cup of tea, and that’s fine. I have since learned that this is very common among Japanese men of his generation.  That he puts up with me is amazing, but I respect his boundaries.

Due to a traumatic incident just after I returned from Spain, just over a year ago, I was thinking of writing about integrity.  But nobody wants to read about integrity. So,  1 thing led to another and I wrote an erotic romance. My youngest sister is a ‘beta reader’ for people who write gay porn, as I call it—in the science fiction genre, and she read my draft and said I had something: Polyandress.  In the past year, I learned a lot about the publishing industry and genre, and I’ve got other stories in the works.  So I decided to see what was out there, joined a bunch of dating sites, and found…nothing. Women my age are too old to believe in romance and fairy tales.  Liars.  Christians who don’t think it should matter what I believe, or know what a moral compass is.  Broke guys/negative cash flow….  Guys looking for sweet girls (I am not sweet), or ‘a nurse and a purse’.

Uh, no.  So I am impressed that he is an entrepreneur and owns his own home, and has a dazzling smile. My father was a businessman, and I’ve had 2 businesses. 1 I sold and the other I closed while still profitable.  After returning from the Peace Corps, I briefly worked for a micro-lending agency for low-income women.

While I am not interested in viewing pornography, I watch this  video of Freddie Mercury constantly: 

This video was put up  30 years after it was recorded, 20 years after he died. His bandmates understood what the public wanted.

In any case, my book is not great literature, but it gets its point across,  and as I describe my male character, Daler Singh, physically,  this is as close as I will get—except I have Daler being Sikh. 

He’s Sikh because he’s a minority wherever he goes, and always has to fit it in. So it must be an omen. This is the guy I want. Now, to learn the hoops I have to jump through.

I wrote that and we did talk on what’s app, and he seemed surprised that I was attracted to him.  & not  5 days later, the first quarantine was ordered.

So, end of day 2 of the great Covid19  nightmare. Science fiction brought to life by arrogance, stupidity, a poor educational system influenced by religion, and …this is not going well,  At least the weather is decent, but I’m trying to be productive and get to all the tasks you say you will get to ‘when you have the time’.  One thing I’ve put off for about a month—is steam cleaning the rugs.  Quite a project because my rugs are all different sizes and materials, and a couple of them should really be sent out for cleaning.  Then, the ever-present weeding out papers that were kept for tax purposes or research or whatever.  I can come up with a few time wasters.

 I  started seeing this holistic physician, and she gave me a bunch of vitamins, and it was like a miracle. My bursitis disappeared,   I’ve lost weight, and  I’ve developed more than an academic interest in sex.

Justin Goh did a fantastic job of putting this together. from a pose 1988

Also, it seems I’ve met my muse.  This is a shock, but I’m delighted.  This guy is just what I was looking for, but I wouldn’t have because I have a sense of propriety now (or I did!)   Tony Pfeiffer told me I had no sense of propriety, and I responded, “But that’s why you’re seeing me…because I have no sense of propriety!”

He’s young, mid 30’s. I’d say too young, but I’ve already written about the guy who was too young and wasn’t too young. That smile.  Ask my friends:  a dazzling smile gets me all the time.  And long legs. Also, bearded guys—at least nicely trimmed.  Freddie Mercury’s my type, through all the looks except when he shaved for Barcelona.   But Freddie in leotards, and those short short shorts, with his shirt off…am I drooling?

At this point, I am letting my fantasies run away with me, because except for a phone chat, we haven’t met, we’ve just seen photos of each other. He wants to be with an older woman, I want to be with a young man.  I believe we can carry on a conversation. He’s very upbeat.

However, now we’re in social isolation.  I’m wondering how far we want to go on the phone.  These are really desperate times!

Day 3

I learned you can get quite far on the phone.  By asking the right questions, we got to know each other a little better. He’s as adventurous as I had hoped.  Let’s see if we can keep it up.

Day 4.

The Hoover Steam-Vac broke yesterday.  The motor works, but I believe the hoses are plugged up—with dog hair.  I called my vacuum cleaner repair guy (yes, I have 1!), and he said  that if it’s over 10 years old, it’s not worth fixing,

This means I absolutely must buy a new one.  It is essential.  No, really.  If I am going to be confined, I want my floors clean.  It’s the type of thing you can order online & have delivered.  Jan, who can fix anything, asked me if I had—taken the hoses off. No.  & Kunihiro won’t look at it because he’s getting paid a lot to do something else.

I plan to get on a ladder and clean the living room chandelier today. The essential engineer went to work.  He’s a consulting engineer. What could he really need to do?

I woke up with a sex dream during the night and I have to get to this guy. It’s been over 20 years since I wanted to touch a man so much.  Hormones.

I went to the cute guy’s website for his business.  He makes these little commercials and posts them on YouTube.  He’s amazingly good. I am usually not horny, but this guy is so exactly what I’ve been looking for. But is he? I would never travel for pizza. Ever.  Steak and potatoes?  Please, no…

I started the conversation about his sexual experience:  How old was he when he first had any sex? Mid teens…   Had he ever had sex at work.  He told me he had. Well, I had, too. My ex-husband was a goat. How about more than 1 person.  Yes.  I can’t beat that.  In a public place?  Yes for him, not that I can recall for me, You can’t call a campground really a public place, or along a drainage ditch, either.

These are very bad times. I want a connection. It has to be over the airwaves.

Day 5

At least he is uninhibited enough to have phone sex.  I see him as very focused.  Very independent.  Very prudent.  Yes, I do know what I want:  a non-European man.  A confident man.

I enjoyed virtual sex with him last night, and I am getting a clearer picture of him as a person. He is very independent and likes routine.

That is me, too. I am also tied to routine.  I  keep a schedule. In fact, 1 reason I have been able to be self-employed in the past is that I keep a routine, and when I wasn’t actually working, I was hustling: looking for work.  I manage to keep myself busy.

He seems to discount that he is an ‘other’, as though his ethnicity doesn’t matter.  I’d like to hear more about his experiences with that dynamic.  For me, it has been shocking that gentile men—the dominant Christian culture,  find me exotic.  But that’s all they are interested in…the exotic, and they don’t know what to do with it, or really,  It’s been wrapped up with them not defiling a Christian girl, so the emotional alienation doesn’t matter.

When I started writing last year, I had to do research, because  I needed to know who reads erotica.   What I’ve learned is that the target market is generally women older than 30.  Generally, they have advanced degrees, and of course, they know good sex.  Men apparently like more violence and domination, and they like the illusion that they are loved for it.

My kink is that I like it wet, that I like the heat, and I like to see my partner appreciate the experience. I want to see the expression on his face.

I haven’t asked him if he’s ever been tied up.   He’s told me has never paid someone for sex.   He tells me he has been tested for stds. Why would anyone do that if they were not sexually active? I haven’t been tested since I got out of Peace Corps, but I’ve had PAP smears.  I’m sure someone would have said something if things didn’t look normal.

When you’re a teenager, you’re willing to try anything.  As you mature emotionally, you weigh the ramifications. What compromises are you willing to make for a partner you can trust? So you can get your way? Do you really want monogamy or just the illusion of monogamy?   He’s had to have thought about this, but how has he said this to himself?

 I often joke with men who think they want a relationship, but I can tell it’s all about them, not ‘us’.  I am looking for a man who can keep me in the style to which I want to become accustomed.  That alienates most guys.  Most men I meet can’t even keep themselves in the style to which they want to become accustomed!

 You can’t bribe me with jewelry and I am definitely not fashionable, My vices are dog performance events:  entry fees, watching others compete with their dogs, watching dogs run.  I actually scheduled 2 mini-vacations to go to  2 very large dog shows this Spring (canceled, of course).  I love to travel and see art. I’ve been doing this since I was 30.  That’s  1 reason I still hang with Returned Peace Corps Volunteers:  we understand what it is to risk travel in less developed countries.

 I’m a child of the ’60’s…what can I tell you? My days of LSD and Peyote are over, but they were mind-expanding times. Most Saturday nights I am home watching the Friends marathon on channel 9, or reading.  I am a day person, not a night person.

This afternoon, on the news, Trump said he can’t believe Cuomo of New York needs 30,000 ventilators. He cited that some hospitals have only 1 ventilator.  You want to throttle the guy. He just doesn’t understand that this is a real crisis.  He seems to think if he is not sick & doesn’t know anyone sick, it’s not real.  He doesn’t understand exponential.  It’s infuriating.

Day 7

I sent the young guy a YouTube link of clownfish with anemones.  Just the most sensuous thing I can think of.  I think he’s too distracted. I just think he is so hot:

So, just being so taken with him, I posted 2 of his Your Tube commercials on Facebook.  I guess because of algorithms, nobody has said anything.  Then I texted him: “  I did something naughty.  I posted videos of you from your website on Facebook.  You’ll have to be my idea of  porn until we can touch  Don’t be angry,  You can set me right in the bedroom.”

So he responds:  “From my website?”

& I tell him, “You got it. Grow your hair long again.  & what women consider erotic & what men consider erotic are 2 different things.”

Then he asked, “You and your friends get turned on by me?”
I responded: “ Who wouldn’t want a handsome young man who would smile each time we rubbed his lamp?”  I don’t know if he understood that line is from Poetry man, the Phoebe Snow song.

So he responded that he loved all his ladies. So generic   I had sent him an excerpt from the book I’ve been working on, and he told me he got hard as he read it.  Good to know, as he isn’t my target market, but I think I got the description of activity right.  Then he said he was glad I was fantasizing about him, but too bad my roommate is here.

 I texted that the problem would not be Kunihuiro, but that we are on quarantine, and that would be the extra complication.

He told me he was thinking of my breasts and my body, and that the desire between us is high.Ah…so happy.  Yes, I want this man. 

Then I complained about  Trump and the news (Trump wants to punish the governors that aren’t appreciative enough by not sending them needed medical supplies—yes—that is the Great America we’re living in now), & he told me he was a Political Science major and he doesn’t want to talk politics.I  recall several years back Tony said I was ranting.

I told him about my organizing and activist experience, and he ignored it.  I don’t know how I feel about that now.  I asked him what kind of car he had, and he told me he had  2 Corollas, and asked why . Now, why would I ask? Well, I was willing to screw around in a vehicle if it was large enough, but alas, it was not.

He suggested getting a hotel in Naperville or Oakbrook, and I  told him if I was going to drive that far, I may as well drive to his place…and for some reason, at this time, he doesn’t like that idea.

I told him that it was difficult to write erotica on the fly, especially while watching the trainwreck of our civilization speed to the precipice, and that I am not really a spontaneous seductress.  I know he’s preoccupied. Also, it’s supposed to storm. He texted that he wanted me so badly,  and being intimate while it rains is hot.

Sure…it would be but the idea is better than reality if you think of what’s happening as apocalyptic. The last time I was this hot for a guy was before cell phones were invented.  He tells me making love to me is so hot, and that he will be coming for me soon and then will cum in me. I’m delighted, and he says we should try the car somewhere near Naperville or Oakbrook, but I replied that I don’t want our first encounter to be furtive sex..

So he suggested tomorrow, but he still doesn’t close until 5.  So we can do this dance again tomorrow, which will be…

Day 8

I wake up thinking about his hard, hot wet dick in my pussy. Is the fantasy better than reality?

To be truthful, I am not much of a flirt.  I am not attracted to very many men. The is guy is an aberration. My response to most guys flirting with me is “YUCK!”

We’ve had no contact today.  Not only am I  afraid I am getting him worked up, but the phone also works both ways. I told him that I needed the conversation.; That I broke up with Jon 30 years ago because Jon had nothing to say. This can’t be just sex. 

My distraction is Freddie Mercury.   I spent  hours today watching Freddie Mercury dance around…in videos.

He texted me around 3 that he had to buy groceries for his mother and he was terrified.  Yes, the news is grim, but  it almost makes you schizophrenic.  Liberty ‘University’ is calling students back to classes when all other schools are shut down.  In fact, people are posting webinars to make money off the seminars they’ve lost.  But here we are. Yesterday, he texted me that he would be home by 6 and would come for me. Today, groceries for his mother and then he was hanging a curtain. What the fuck?  Although truthfully, getting together was not is not realistic.

He haunts my thoughts.  He’ll text rather than have a vocal conversation. I am just not used to that. But I texted him:  I am 1 man away from poverty.  My roommate is a fantastic, intelligent guy, but he wants no complications in his life.  He is very socially conservative (I didn’t add, “But especially in contrast to me”) In the 20 years we’ve been together, I’ve never brought a man home.  I don’t want to be a hookup, but I can’t see myself married. If we weren’t under quarantine, I’d bring him here in a heartbeat.  This is what I want.  But is it? That I will have to work so hard and expose myself so much to a man who wants sex, and claims he wants emotional intimacy but is so used to being alone?  But to look at him, he takes my breath away.  I missed a lot of good sex because he was underage when I would have been looking for something better. 

Malcolm Gladwell wrote a book called “Blink!  The Power of Thinking Without Thinking”, sometimes, you just know.

LOL, to me, he’s the only evidence that I’ve ever had that there is a God.  This is what I want.  I will die happy after we make love just once.

Day 9

I applied for unemployment yesterday. Living in a surreal sci fi nightmare.  The muse is stressed out.  Even tho I took a sleeping pill last night, I woke up around 4 thinking this is not going to work. He texted about getting a hotel room.  . What can he possibly be thinking?

It’s raining.  People have begun posting little contests and memes on Facebook.  I am going to continue to market Polyandress to dog clubs and possibly contact agents about a nonfiction f book.  I am depressed and stressed from being in the house and not working. I love grooming dogs.  Even when it is exhausting.

So, late in the afternoon we had a little hot text banter. The Muse us hard and thinking of me, I’m wet, thinking about him being hard, he can’t wait to make me feel good, I’m thinking  I have to be realistic. I haven’t had sex for 3 years, and the last thing up there was an ultrasound wand, and that wand was very slender. & we video chatted and I saw how big his dick is, and it really gives me pause, but, oh! He’s a pleasure to listen to.

So I’m listening to the news, Gov. Pritzker says 30 more days quarantine, and the reason the muse doesn’t want me in his house is that he brings whatever home from the business, over 100  people a day. That’s why a hotel.

But I don’t think hotels are particularly clean. Not from my experience, and especially not the cheaper ones, but wait a minute anyways!  Is he wearing a mask? Gloves?  & I bet most of his customers are men. Guys like my brother & 1 brother-in-law (who doesn’t smoke, but if he did…)  Salt-of-the-earth guys who in spite of the SHELTER IN PLACE  warning, and how many are succumbing…are delusional and defiant. They believe contrails and the Deep State’ are things.   33 people in Stateville Prison are sick with this,  1 has died. In prison!  How the fuck does that happen?

So, if it’s all over him, then all over me, and I bring it home, I’d be horrified if Kunihiro got sick. He never goes anywhere.  Kunihiro can list on 1 hand where he’s been in the last 2 weeks!

The only real solution is that if I go out there, I stay out there for 2 weeks, and that is definitely not happening. We don’t know each other and he has made it very clear that he likes living alone.

One of my friends just posted a photo on Facebook.  A box of fresh veggies she got from a restaurant delivery service.  Yep, they’re gorgeous.  But I’d rather have a photo of this guy,:  hard.


The Muse texts me that he woke up hard. I’m sure. He’s a young guy. He should wake up hard. So I texted him to tell me what he wants, and I will make it happen.  He wants me between his legs, with my breasts loose, and me sucking him and swallowing.  Not my fantasy, but ok.  My heart is racing.  What I prefer is 69, but this is over the phone, Whatever your fantasy is, I’ll go with it.  He asks to call me, to talk to me while he jerks off. He is going to close his store so he can listen to me while he jerks off.  Guys are so lucky. They can make themselves come so easily. Why shouldn’t I add to his pleasure? We can all be dead tomorrow.  It’s great. His arousal arouses me. We are going to be good when we can finally really touch.

He comes and he laughs at how ridiculous this whole situation is. Cum is all over the rug, and he has to clean up, and he is laughing.  I ask him when most of his customers come in because my experience has been it’s usually between  11 and 1, in retail stores, when we did at least 60% of our business, and then after 4.  He said it is steady all day.  It has to be a very busy place.

Well, even though my day is relatively unstructured,  I have to be productive. I have to get moving. It is after 10:30.

1:00 and I still haven’t produced much of anything.  Well, in the evening, I got a great response from a dog club member.  The entire fancy is trying to make do with the situation of not knowing.

Day 11

Of course, I would be moody. But before I go off into why I am frustrated and hurting. I live with a celibate man because he provides me with stability.  20 years of no sex.  He has provided me with stability, and that is very valuable. I would do nothing to hurt him.

At about 11:30 last night, I texted the Muse, asking if he was awake. The response?  “ I am, for now. What’s up?  .”

So I text back, ”I’m afraid I was looking for trouble.”

“In what way?” Jesus. I have to spell it out? There is no subtle innuendo? “In the way that you think.”

“Tell me right now. Can’t talk  I’m trying to get laundry done and walking the dog.”

“Then go do it. I’m just playing. You don’t have the time for this. Maybe tomorrow.”

“I do have the time. Just text me what you’re  thinking.”

Text.  No talk. Text.  What is with this guy? Oh, right,. He’s a guy. it’s all about him.

Me: “I’m physically very sensitive and I want you.”

The Muse: “I can’t believe how naughty I was and blew up over the phone hearing your voice.”

Me: “I’ll wear you out.”

The Muse: “Please do. Be the woman I’ve desired for so many years. I want the ride of my life.  I want it to be the same for you. Better than any other lover you ever had.”

Is that so. Ok.  That’s what’s going through my head as I am feeling myself. So… why didn’t he call me?  Let me try again…

Me: “I want to watch you again. I am so wet.”

The Muse: “I hope the next time you watch me is in person.  I just go way too nuts with my words over the phone. I’m trying to hold it in, and I can’t help it.  I’m glad you get turned on.”

& my gut reaction in my head is what I wrote about Daler and Jeanine, how she tells him he gets too excited, and he wonders how he can be too excited. He’s just excited.

So,I try AGAIN: Me: “I hope so too but still like to hear you, But go take care of what you have to do,”

Him:  “I can text.  Keep playing with yourself or keep telling me what’s on your mind.”

This is ridiculous,. I am now doing this for him. What the fuck?  Ok, Me: “My heart is racing. I can’t text and play with myself. What’s on my mind is you feeling me, Your fingers. Your tongue.  Feeling your lips on my nipples.  I’ll deal with you tomorrow.”

I turned off the phone. He texts me a heart.; Then, very early, he texts “So amazing.”

But I slept fitfully.  I still have his Plenty of Fish profile. He’s looking for …in so many words, a regular hook up.  Not a girlfriend.  Even his interests:  ‘sports food’.  Not ‘sex sports food’. 

Yes, I am better over the phone than he is  in…what?  We are at least 60 miles apart and he’d rather text than talk.  Is it a generational thing?

So…. I texted him this morning very early, as I am not sleeping, I am not satisfied.:  Me: “I am going to tell you something now so I don’t ruin your day or mine.  When a man tells me the game or any other activity over sex is a priority, there’s no way for me to overcome that.  Hockey then basketball then baseball then football…then laundry.  Really?  I get maybe 15 minutes between?  My fantasy is not you coming in my mouth or swallowing. That’s your fantasy & you wonder why women turn away.  I’ve had so much really bad sex. I’ve risked my health and pregnancy to demonstrate that I wanted a man to be happy.  Because you want a commitment but won’t give it yourself.  Then you wonder what happened.  Did you hear yourself say you had to do laundry?  I want to see your dick and play with you and taste you and you have to do laundry?  What else has to be taken care of?  Get it done,  I fear 30 days won’t be enough time & I will tell you this too as long as I am being honest: The man I rejected 20 years ago still wants the conversation. I gave him so many chances and he remains clueless. I am begging you to not be that guy, I am frustrated and I am hurting,”

The Muse texts he is confused. He is too busy because he has to work and I don’t.  This is why he doesn’t like relationships. Yes.  I hear him. Relationships are hard!

Queen posted this video in 2014:    Yes, again Brian May  & Roger Taylor know what women want.  The words to this song are so evocative.  & the images they chose…. they speak to why everyone loved Freddie:  he was totally uninhibited.

& yeah,  it’s the truth: that guy I rejected after trying so hard, after he rejected me so many times. After he told me he didn’t care for oral sex.  After being in missionary position the few times  I enticed him when a game probably got canceled…he still thinks he has something to offer.  He still emails me, “Let’s get together. I miss you.”

I chose to live with a celibate man for security and stability.  I think that’s a  disappointing choice, but that’s why I  call myself Polyandress.

& it’s downhill from here:

I decided to give blood, so I googled “Donate blood Chicago” and the 1st results were, of o course, ‘for profit’ centers, but silly me, I didn’t realize that. Interstate @ 3324 W. Lawrence was closest, so I went to the website, saw what the rules were called, the outgoing message tells the hours and that no appointment was needed (although on the website it says 1st time might be 3+ hours . There is no free parking. Fine. go in, & 2 women are in the vestibule waiting, & tell me I can’t be in there. A man comes out wearing a lab coat &  tells me I have to wait outside.   Shouldn’t they put up a sign? Ok. then 1 of the waiting women tells me I can go in. A woman dressed as a nurse takes my temperature & asks if I have an i.d. with photo, a social security card, & A PIECE OF MAIL.  What is this?  Let’s Make a Deal?  You know why: people steal i.ds, but they don’t steal mail! It doesn’t say that on the website, nor in the outgoing message. She apologizes…so I can’t donate blood. Waste of time.

I  stopped at the bank.   A couple of old guys are hanging around the entrance. I go in—& this branch of the bank is closed.  I can’t deposit rent checks.

Get dog food, because Chewy is running late on deliveries.  Then I went to Trader Joe’s.  The parking lot is full, and people are standing around looking at their cell phones.  What is going on?  I get out of the car, and there is a guard talking to people at the entrance to the store.  Oh,  I see: they are only letting in a few people at a time, I wanted to get frozen edamame, but who knows how long I’d have to stand around?  People are waiting to be texted to come in—like at a restaurant when their table is ready.  I just came home.

Then Svetlana texted me to pick up a check within the hour. It’s too close. I’ll go tomorrow.  Neighbors say Northshore health Systems are doing cheek swabs. Well, they are…with a big but:  you have to really think you were exposed–like to  250 people in the last 2 weeks. I know I wasn’t.

I am going to do some marketing for the next few hours and see if I can pull myself together. I’ve made an appointment with the holistic doctor to address what the hormones are doing to me.


Autobiographies by 3 women: Kathy Griffin, Megyn Kelley, & Omarosa Manigault Newman

March 28, 2020

Where I live, we have ‘Little Libraries” all over my community, and I found all three books in these free book bins. I am always looking for nonfiction books to send to Africa.  That’s one reason I picked up these three books.

All three women are celebrities for various reasons. Kathy Griffin is an entertainer, Megyn Kelly is a journalist, and Omarosa is… a political operative. She actually worked for Al Gore when he was vice president before she was on Donald Trump’s Apprentice, and she’s intelligent. Fact is. all these women are intelligent.  All three have something to say, but I don’t know that it would be worth it to send their books to Africa.  Why?  although we do want girls to read what strong women have to say, what these women have written about is somewhat difficult to understand from a cultural point of view….but I’m still thinking about it.

Kathy Griffin is a comedienne and actress.   Her book is, “Official Book Club Selection:  a Memoir According to Kathy Griffin” (2009)  A Catholic girl. She started out in the western suburbs of Chicago, and her family ended up moving to the Los Angeles area so Kathy could pursue her dream of getting into show business.  By this time, her father was retired…and Kathy says she lived ‘at home’ until she was 28.  She joined the  Groundlings comedy troupe and honed her craft, and continued to go to auditions and do odd jobs.  She did stand up comedy. Then she got work acting as a ‘sidekick’ on Brooke Shield’s TV show, Suddenly Susan,  and she was off and running.

Kathy is a very good writer (or she had an amazing editor), and is very candid about what worked and didn’t work for her.  She talks about her plastic surgeries, and how painful they were…and about her marriage.  I could really relate to her experience of marriage.  This book would really be a good gift for any girl who wants to go into performing.

Megyn Kelly is someone many of us know from Fox News.   She’s gorgeous.  Her father was a college professor who died at a young age. She was also raised Catholic, in Albany, New York.  Her childhood, aside from the sudden death of her father, sounds idyllic. She was interested in journalism and concentrated on that, but ended up going to law school and got a  job in corporate law quickly.  I was married to a law student and had to read law in graduate school myself.  You really have to concentrate and then turn what you’ve read into plain English. She made a boatload of money and was married to a medical student for a  while, but it seemed their lifestyles/hours conflicted too much, and after several years, divorced.  Not so unusual.  She was also getting tired of corporate law, and by chance, met someone who  got her an interview for a broadcast journalism job.    She did have to start at ‘the bottom’ with early morning time slots but worked her way up the corporate ladder. Along the way, she found a new husband and had three kids.

As I said, she’s gorgeous.  Very photogenic/telegenic.  And Donald Trump singled her out for harassment as soon as he found a need for her. He was friends with Roger Ailes, who ran Fox News.  It takes her to the end of the book to get to the part where Ailes is charged with sexual harassment by Gretchen Carlson.  If you haven’t seen the movie “Bombshell,”  it’s the story of Ailes sexually harassing young women, and nobody talking about it until Gretchen files her lawsuit.  THEN, Megyn Kelly addresses that she was also harassed by Ailes, but—-and this is what I think many women can relate to—- she tried  to ignore or deflect his comments and advances. We all did.  I remember  in the 1970’s another  dog groomer telling me, “Vern’s the type who will call you  honey, babe, and doll, and put his arm around you, but he doesn’t mean it.”  Riiiight.  They never mean it if you just ignore them and get away. But some girls don’t get away. In any case, it takes her to the very end of “Settle for More” (2016) for her to break down and tell the Fox lawyers he did the same thing to her.  It’s not worth sending a whole book just for this chapter.  As for how much time she spends on Trump, we all know he’s a slime.

Omarosa (Unhinged)  Manigault-Newman grew up in the projects.  Her father was killed in a fight, but she had a very large but close-knit family. She took advantage of every opportunity to move herself forward.  She entered beauty contests. She got a master’s degree from Howard University & used her contacts there.  She worked in the Clinton White House for Al Gore, and started working for a Political Action Committee to pave the way for Hilary Clinton…but when Hillary Clinton announced her candidacy for president, her team ignored the PAC—& all the work the minorities on the PAC had done in advance and didn’t fold these people into the campaign. ,  Omarosa had trouble with  Hillary forgiving Bill, but she considers herself a liberal and wanted to move the agenda forward. Yet by this time, she had been on the Apprentice, and although she didn’t win (she knew she was a token), she added drama to the show, and Trump liked her for it, and they stayed in touch.  Like Kelly, she ignored Trump’s bad behavior. She felt it was just for show, and he was ignorant (although she did say his behavior towards his daughter Ivanka gave her the creeps).  She was surprised Trump won, but she was on the  minority outreach team, and it wasn’t until after the election that she learned that Trump took advice on cabinet appointments from an evangelist—and she is not one. I guess  I don’t understand  the nuances.  Omarosa is an ordained minister, a ‘missionary Baptist’ but not an evangelist.  I thought they were all evangelists. No matter.  In any case, she learned just after the election how poorly prepared Trump was to be president…from not having someone in charge of hiring personnel to not understanding briefings, to, apparently, getting all his information from random tweets.  She stayed on to try to mitigate the damage Trump was doing, but she was totally shocked that he appointed the swamp dwellers he had promised to get rid of.  She had known him for almost 20 years, and she felt, from conversations with him, that he clearly is unfocused and has some sort of neurological issue.  She writes that she was going to quit after her push for money for Historically Black Colleges  & Universities was funded, but Gen. Kelly fired her first.  As an insight into how government ‘works’ and protects very bad elected officials (and the jobs of those hired by those officials—a ‘wag the dog’ scenario’—this book is excellent.  If you can find a copy, it’s worth the read.  This book i will send to Africa. it’s a good history  of America from an African-American woman’s point of view.



Covid 19 & Climate Change

March 17, 2020

Well well well. I’ll just jump right in. It was probably around 1968 when I started becoming an environmentalist. The Viet Nam War was raging It was the hippie era. I wast 15-years-old and just getting a consciousness. I was questioning whether we were fighting communists in Viet Nam, why educational (& other infrastructure) services were so noticeably poorer in minority communities, and I was noticing how much packaging there is that gets thrown away. So we celebrated Earth Day with a small march and a gathering. Then, we got the EPA, and some environmental laws that slowly helped the environment heal, and things got better….slowly..

Except for being frugal and mindful, I didn’t do anything. I left my parents home a month after I turned 18, at the end of 1971. I learned to be an adult. I got a job and supported myself.

My parents were horrified that I didn’t go to college and that I learned to groom dogs, but my dream was to someday own a small boarding kennel where I could live, raise dogs, show dogs, and  hold small events like racing or performance matches. Nobody was recycling anything. In the industry I worked in, pet services (dog grooming, mostly), the most environmentally unaware people were running the businesses. Water running all day, lights on in rooms with enough ambient light for a dog (they aren’t reading, for crying out loud—& they remain calmer in low light!). Worse—-working with idiots who would never READ THE INSTRUCTIONS!!!!!. Why are you not diluting shampoo? Why are you not keeping an eye on that dog with a dryer on him? Why are you dumping dog hair on the floor when the trash bin is right here? Why sweep it up twice? Dog hair could be composted…so can dog shit, but in many cases, it doesn’t even go into the sewer system (where it belongs) but into a trash bin…and landfilled.

What happened was…. a friend asked me if I’d be on the board of a recycling station. It was a new idea. As my father said, “A cute hippie idea,” discounting the importance of actually doing something that needed to be done. But that’s how it was, around 1985. My friend, Judy Freeman, did a lot of work rounding up disparate people(I mean it: people who worked for religious-based non-profits, people from the Cambodian, Viet Namese, and Laotian communities). the Redemptorist Fathers gave us a grant, Ken Dunn, the father of recyclinh gave us the means to start out: he’d sell what we collected. We got a diversion credit for diverting cubic tons of waste from landfills. This–I might add, was part of the visionary thinking of those of us who wanted to move recycling forward: a city employee, and the members of the Chicago Recycling Coalition during the Harold Washington Administration in 1987.

I was on the board for several years, and several board members decided they wanted to remake the board, so, for various reasons, several of us were asked to resign and the project, Uptown Recycling Station, stayed in existence until about 2010. They had a good run. The fact of the matter is, that the city pretty much handed over the contract for recycling (mandated by EPA rules that we have some sort of program in place) to Waste Management. Yeah, we still recycle in Chicago…not even a ton of all the waste (‘comingled’) collected.

In the intervening years, I decided to attend college. I was over 30, and I wanted to return to Africa, and Africa certainly didn’t need dog groomers. I took CLEP exams and got 2 years of college credit, and ended up majoring in anthropology (African and international studies) with a minor in environmental studies. For what it’s worth. i ultimately got a master’s in urban planning, with a concentration in land use.

What you learn when you start studying environmental science is that there are laws of nature, and one of them is the concept of population crash. That is, when too many people live in a location (in this case, it is turning out to be highly urbanized areas), if a disease or other environmental disaster strikes….people will die. They will keep dying until nature strikes a balance. And, since humans will absolutely not rein un their consumption and be mindful of their impact on their own environment (lest the next guy gets MORE), here we are, with a pandemic.

It is actually too late. Why would I be so pessimistic? Small businesses are the backbone of American communities. Yet, so many can’t go two weeks without an income stream. They are going to go under. I know a lot of dog groomers will not survive…but where will they go if the whole service industry is in a state of collapse & can’t recover? All those people: Our neighbors, friends, co-workers, who allow life to just happen to them, or think that if God gave them 4+ kids, that God will prevail…good luck to us all.

All my older friends, who partied and drank their lives away, where will they go? The government can just print money and find housing for them, but the government will bail out industries—like the airlines this time, and banks again before they help you or me. Don’t forget that Trump has run up a huge debt to finance his golf junkets.  We still have a chance to elect Bernie Sanders, but that’ s not gonna happen. We’re going to elect Joe Biden, because he’s not too radical…as though his plan will actually help us out of this economic hole.

The Christians are getting what they wanted: the end of days. I am so glad it will take a bunch of them to the rapture. Because these people felt abortion was murder, but would not commit to caring for those unborn that get born—they don’t adopt kids en masse (they just have a philosophically held belief), and if we need more stuff, we’ll go get more stuff, no matter who owns it or how taking it affects them.

We certainly won’t pay teachers of science more, and attract more people who might want to teach science. We don’t trust them! We apparently trust ignorant politicians.

We will never get out of this hole of ignorance. there will be no resources to pay for the damage giant storms do—like flooding, or drought and wildfires, because we don’t believe in science, and not taking more than we can put back in.  this is what climate change looks like.  Very sad.



An Emotional Support Animal is NOT A Service Dog

March 6, 2020

Dazzle, JC (Dazzle) Saluki, on the left, Bebop Whippet, on the right. Bred by hobby breeders for the betterment of their breeds.Not emotional support animals, but keep me mentally stable.

I just had a big ‘tif’ on a grooming related FB site. Someone new posted a photo of a poodle mix she thinks is a purebred dog (it’s merle–no way can the dog be purebred—the coloring has never appeared in the breed), but THEN she says she got the dog to be a SERVICE ANIMAL! When I asked what service the dog is trained to perform, others on the site got angry & said I had no right to ask. But by law, I DO. Turns out the dog is an ’emotional support animal’. Not a service dog. So if any of you are seeing a therapist who panders to the self-indulgent neurotics who want to manipulate the rest of us into indulging them, you might want to rethink how valuable the therapy you are getting really is. I know what it is to be mentally ill, but I also know what integrity is.

‘Emotional Support Animals’ are a new construct. They didn’t exist even 10 years ago. However, because psychologists are giving people permission to have them—a walking security blanket—now they are a thing. Based on a letter the ‘patient’ carries around, the ‘patient’ feels entitled to take a(usually untrained) dog anywhere most dogs are not allowed….unless they are bona fide TRAINED service dogs.

As a dog lover, and as someone who has been afflicted with mental illness (I may still be…who knows? You have to talk to me…but I digress…), it really irks me when I am out with my two trained dogs, and someone with an out of control dog allows that dog to harass my dogs. I also don’t like being molested by untrained dogs. I spend more time intimately involved with dogs than a lot of people ( hey—I shave a lot of penises), and I can usually control most dogs in my own environment. When a dog is in his own environment, the dynamic changes. Passing off untrained dogs as service animals is dangerous and unethical. We’re not talking PTSD, we’re talking entitled.

But there’s another problem: psychologists who know nothing about dogs, and don’t really care, are pandering. It used to be you’d go for therapy, and if you didn’t feel emotionally stronger in a few weeks, you’d change therapists. You would not ask for permission to indulge yourself. Psychologists are not medical doctors. They can’t prescribe drugs. They essentially use talk therapy and behavior modification and may consult with a psychiatrist, to help their clients achieve mental stability. They don’t prescribe security blankets. Why would they think a pet will automatically make you feel more emotionally…stable? Will it? What it does is forestall dealing with issues. The irony is that if these emotionally unstable people actually trained the dog they have…actually spent time getting used to being in charge and confident, not only would they have a stable, well-behaved dog, they’d be more confident, and their emotional issues may dissipate—- but the psychologists  can’t have that happen, can they?

Robyn Michaels