Archive for the ‘integrity’ Category

Preface to Polyandress

January 23, 2020

From the Museum of Erotic Art in Barcelona Spain

The BACKYARD BREEDERS are, anyways. People who breed their pets for ‘fun & profit’, who sell to anyone with cash,  and don’t screen buyers to determine if they are ready for the dog they want, and don’t take any responsibility for the animals they breed…are filling our shelters.  The ‘do-gooders’ promoting ‘no-kill’ don’t count them as breeders. They are actually demonizing responsible breeders instead and are letting the bad ones totally off the hook.

They retort that no breeder is responsible. These people who influence ‘conventional wisdom‘ know nothing about animal husbandry, genetics. or animal behavior. Also, they don’t know the facts. They have a cartoonish, anthropomorphic view of animals. They hew a party line.

The facts are that over 90% of dogs in shelters were bred by backyard ‘I’m-not-a-breeder’ breeders, who deny they are breeders because they don’t have five breedable bitches, or they don’t have a kennel building, or they aren’t living off their dogs. In urban areas, most are Pit Bulls, or Pit-x, but some areas have a lot of Chihuahuas, Beagles, or shepherd type farm dogs, We’re not seeing rare breeds in shelters unless a dog has been lost. Let me take that back. Now we are seeing more Cane Corso in my metro area. I guess the foundation breeders didn’t make it clear to buyers that they should not be breeding if they weren’t going to be responsible for what they breed.

No matter. When you own the mommy animal at the time she gives birth, you are THE BREEDER.

They’ve also spread this idea that dogs are just bred for their beauty (conformation) and can’t do what they were bred d to do. That is laughably untrue.

We are ‘the fancy‘. That’s what purebred dog lovers—fanciers—call ourselves.  I’ve worked for hobby breeders for over 50 years. Most I work for are extremely concerned about genetic defects and strive to breed genetically sound dogs that can do what they were originally bred to do, and more. We call obedience, rally, agility, racing, lure coursing, hunting, dock diving, nose work, barn hunt, etc.: performance.

More important, these breeders love their dogs. They network to find homes for older dogs, often support their breed-specific rescue if a dog ends up in a shelter & the breeder can’t be found, and they will take back dogs they’ve sold if the buyer can’t keep the dog. They do not want to lose track of the dogs they’ve bred. This is why you don’t see rare breeds such as Glen of Imaal Terries, Borzoi, Clumber Spaniels,  in shelters. The breeders take them back. They also make clear to buyers why pet dogs should not be bred.

The do-gooders blame the hobby breeders, demonizing them for the situation the backyard breeders have caused.  We are losing breeds. I wonder if Bedlington Terriers or Affenpinschers have viable gene pools.

The reason I am a purebred dog fancier is predictability. A breed is considered a breed by the bona fide registry organization when the fanciers have a breed standard describing the physical dog, and dogs that breed true for three generations. With a degree of statistical certainty (with a standard deviation, I’m sure), you can tell what size, coat type, and temperament a purebred dog will have.

This is not so with mixed breeds/designer dogs. It would be amusing if it wasn’t infuriating how many grooming clients groomers have who bought ‘designer’ Poodle crosses and are disappointed with the size and coat type of the dog. If you would not buy a purebred Poodle, why would you pay more for a Poodle mix? I think the doodle breeders’ marketing must be very good. That and people don’t spend enough time researching a purchase.

Rarely do hobby breeders reach out to the public. They have too much conventional wisdom to dispell in a short amount of time. Veterinarians, who should know better, are not helping, either.

Now, due to ‘the economy’, where land rents might eat up over 50% of a household’s income, coupled with credit card debt and outstanding student loans, few people can even afford to own a dog, let alone breed them.

Ethical breeders are dying of old age. Younger people don’t have the time, money, or interest in breeding quality dogs. A veterinary dental for a dog hovers around $400 in my neck of the woods. The last thing people who have a lot of debt need is a high maintenance breed of dog, but pet buyers are naive and emotional.

When people try to guilt me about being a purebred dog fancier, I remind them that all dogs come from breeders, and I don’t want ignorant, dimwitted backyard breeders choosing the type of dog I should own. Humans ‘invented’ over 400 breeds for various reasons. it’s fine if you want to take any random dog, but we will not make a dent in irresponsible behavior; i.e. backyard breeders, if we ignore that they are the elephant in the room.

OK. So..what does that have to do with erotica? Nothing. But if I made one of the characters a dog fancier, and she explained why integrity is important, and she enjoys having mind-blowing sex…would you read that?

I rest my case.

Why I Write Erotica

January 18, 2020

From the Museum of Erotic Art in Barcelona Spain

Me—from a pose in the 1980s. Justin Goh did the background.

I’ve always been a decent writer.  I wrote to my boyfriend before he became my husband (he moved away 8 weeks after we started going together), I wrote to a guy who I wanted to be my boyfriend, who, in spite of the sex, never was.

Then, when I decided I had some actual ideas, I started writing about dogs.  Not stories, more journalistic nonfiction stuff.  I even got paid, which was encouraging.

I’m a girl and was raised to seek approval. I was never good enough. That might be generational, to raise girls to not have an ego & think they are not as worthy as boys. I’m not sure.  Encouragement is always appreciated.  I got the most encouragement grooming dogs.

I was in my 40’s and I suddenly had to start dealing with bullies.  Oh, we didn’t call them that about 20 years ago.  If it wasn’t sexual harassment, it didn’t really count (men are supposed to be assholes to girls).  But it DID count.  It’s just that we still allow men to decide what counts.

So, I was in my 50s when I started working for Bruce Blaine, at Best Friends Chicago, who was really condescending and verbally abusive.  In fact, before I started working for him, a friend who trained dogs with a dog trainer at this business told her she wouldn’t want to be caught alone in the building with Bruce.

I sucked it up, but finally complained to human resources. They sent another manager to keep an eye on him, and he’d behave for a few days, then go back to being a bully.  Nothing was ever done, so I quit working for Best Friends Pet Care.  They ultimately sold their entire business rather than deal with managers.

Because this bully Bruce would not give me a reference, I could not account for over a year of my employment.  I had trouble finding other work. In fact,  some people lured me to a new business, claiming they had enough to employ me. They didn’t.  It’s legal to lie.  I was desperate. I applied for a job I saw posted on Craigslist, offered by a guy named Dan London. His business was “Doggie Bath House’.  His only dog experience was walking dogs at a kennel, but everyone wants to be in the pet business and thinks there is nothing you have to know. There isn’t. Entry to the industry is easy.  I am not changing his name because he is still out there. I refused to work for him because he didn’t have enough dog experience and I knew he would not be in business long, He lasted about a year. but during that time, he decided that if I wasn’t going to make money for him, I’d make money for nobody. He had my resume & started harassing other businesses, & posting fake reviews on Yelp! He’d post that he toured (a business) & saw me beating a dog!  Now, how would he know my name?  But Yelp! let him do this. That’s Yelp!  You can’t trust Yelp!  He’s posted that I am mentally unstable.  Totally legal.  & he’s a guy, so he must be credible.

On the internet, ‘nobody knows you’re a dog (or an asshole…)’.  I actually met other groomers who had worked for him and whom he had not paid. They told me he hated me. He might not have had dog experience, but he had internet & bullying experience.  He posted all over the country, on Craigslist—-which you can do for free—and told people to call my employer (at the time, it was Paradise4Paws, an  up and coming dog care business) and have me fired. They got so much harassment, they did fired me.  Even though Saq Nadeem knew who was doing the harassing.

Friends told me to blog.   For over 10 years I have—–  about my ‘disparate interests’.  I am not widely read, but much of what  I’ve written has been shared.

Along the way, I stopped being sexual with a man I had been very attracted to, both physically and socially.  He had made it very clear that I was just not worth any sort of respect or commitment.

At the time, I was thinking mediocre sex was better than no sex at all.  I’ve since changed my mind.

There could be many reasons for why the sex was not better, but the bottom line is really that if the man doesn’t care, there is nothing you can do. HE IS NOT INTERESTED.

Actually, it wasn’t a conscious decision to give up sex.  It was conscious to stop seeing a mediocre sex partner who was totally unreliable.

I wasn’t meeting any worthwhile men, either. My grandmothers told me to find a man to keep me in the style to which I would like to become accustomed.  For a woman to put herself out there and risk pregnancy and disease, I just couldn’t see it.

Worse,  in my industry—-the pet industry—-the few men who are out there are gay.  What about other aspects of my life?

When I was in the Peace Corps most were younger, and the ones my age had the same issues with me:  old, fat, loud, opinionated.

Freddie Mercury, can you find me Somebody to Love?

I started looking at Match & Plenty of Fish (and even a few sites aimed at Jews). Guys my age either look like my grandfather or are looking for ‘a nurse and a purse’, or are Christian (I am a secular Jew and have a moral compass, thank you), or can’t keep me in the style to which I would like to become accustomed.

Ok, so, say we do get a guy past the hurdles: he’s got full dentition, not Christian, has a quick wit, likes dogs, can keep me in the style, blah blah.  Great. But what kind of chance do I have to take to find out if the guy is a decent lay?  Decent? I need better than decent.  You can’t write erotica without knowing what you’re talking about.

How did this actually happen?

The truth is, I wanted to write about integrity.  I am a dog fancier.  There are a lot of different breeds of dogs out there.  The reason there are so many distinct breeds is because  people want dogs to meet certain needs,  To get consistency, you need predictability, and to get predictability, you need to have the INTEGRITY to choose only the best dogs to breed.

In 10 years, there probably won’t be any Doodles, Pomskys, or Puggles, but there will be Whippets, Gordon Setters, Borzoi, Briards, and Dandie Dinmont Terriers…because of breeders with integrity.

So wait—-what? what does dog breeding have to do with erotica?

Not a thing.  But who wants to read about integrity?

Nobody. But dog lovers do want to read about good sex. So, I had my first character be a dog groomer who had good sex, and turned it into a storyline.

All the erotica/love stories are fantasies. They are contrived but made plausible.

There was another reason I did this. At the time I started thinking about how to do this, my father, in his 90’s, was badly injured in a fall.  He broke his neck and his femur. He was lucky he wasn’t paralyzed.  He did recover if you could call it that, but it was the end of his freedom because he refused to NOT walk, and continued to fall as soon as he could get up.  He had to go into a nursing home.

It was more complicated, because, my father had been bankrolling my brother’s drug addiction. He had been doing this for over  30 years.  Suddenly, the ‘bank of Dad’ was closed, and my brother was making his situation worse. He rented a car and had an accident and fled the scene. He hadn’t paid any of his utility bills and was living without running water, heat, electricity, or a phone, He lied to my sister about all this.

Rehab is a joke.  It’s a scam the way  it is marketed in this country. Families want it to work, but doesn’t unless the addict is motivated. Why should people get clean  as long as the families refuse to let them die?

That’s as far as I will go on this tangent.  It was really more interesting, but we were dealing with the stress of family dynamics. My father, in spite of his three daughters begging, nagging, cajoling him to NOT give my brother money, continued to because 1 son is worth way more than 3 daughters.

Michael Douglas also gave his son Cameron money to be a drug addict. That is what fathers do.

Face it, everyone. When someone decides to take opioids not because a physician prescribed them for physical pain, but because they are lazy, self-indulgent entitled assholes (like the flakes with untrained emotional support animals—the reason I think psychologists/psychiatrists have too much sway) nothing will fix them.  Only 30% of addicts ever totally recover  (meaning stay sober over five years), and that is because they are motivated. It usually takes them several tries, too. Most are not motivated.  They can’t live alone or be trusted with money.  I wish we could expatriate them to less developed countries where they’d have to learn a language and work or die.

I won’t go into the gruesome details of how bad it got, but my sister did get him involuntarily committed to rehab (for at least the 4th time)  This is a guy with an RPh and a DVM who chose self-indulgence.   He continues to tell us he is smarter than us all.  But…because my sister didn’t want my stepbrother or sisters judging us if they read my blog, they asked me to not write about my brother.

I had a lot of stuff on my plate.  This situation with my brother is terribly discouraging, and my father’s situation is terrible. So, that’s why I decided to write erotica.  I mean, who cares what anyone thinks?

But several people have asked me now how I came up with the sex scenes.

The short, true answer is you write what you know.  I did not have very much mind-blowing sex, but apparently what I did have made a vivid impact.  That’s what good sex is.

What I am writing about are issues that concern me, and that I confront often. That’s the other reason I decided to write.  It’s good therapy to actually express my ideas and beliefs, and as you get older, time is of the essence.  Is is true to the genre…each book has a story.  But this also looks like this is the closest I will come to the topic of sex for a very long time.

 

What We’re Missing About Drug Addiction

January 11, 2020

My brother is a drug addict. He is —or was—-a licensed pharmacist and veterinarian. He had the degrees and got licenses. He  learned, how people become addicted. He told us that chemicals bond with the pleasure-seeking parts of the brain, and once that happens, there is no going back.

He was not prescribed opioids by a physician to treat chronic, physical pain. He was seeking pleasure. He knew how addiction occurred, but he had access to drugs, so he took them.

It’s true that many people take drugs to deal with psychic pain, but whatever the reason people take addictive drugs, once you are addicted unless you have a very strong personal will to totally change your life…that’s it.

I’ve had friends who became addicted to heroin in Viet Nam tell me it was easier to go through withdrawal from heroin than it has been to kick tobacco. You have to wonder…why would tobacco be legal and not other addictive drugs?

Clearly, the reason is political lobbying and marketing. We waste so much money on law enforcement, and people get shot in the crossfire. If drugs were legal, like tobacco and alcohol, we could tax sales and to an extent regulate it, but our overly puritanical ‘all or nothing’ Christian culture won’t allow it.

Now, some people just buy drugs in the cash economy, but more and more we are finding people who started on the road to addiction by physicians and hospital personnel.  The physicians don’t do any counseling about not taking too much too often, and what you will have to do if you find you are becoming dependent. The whole medical industry is totally off the hook…because they are doctors? Like Gods? They have so much integrity?

So now, because families of addicts want the rest of us to DO SOMETHING..there is a push for ‘treatment centers’ and ‘drug counselors’. The fact of the matter is, the success rate hovers around 30%. Google it, I dare you. No amount of talk therapy is going to alleviate withdrawal symptoms. Your success is based on you wanting to be clean. if you have family supporting you no matter what, you have no incentive to be clean or stay drug-free. Drug addicts will tell you this. Alcoholics will tell you this.

Some people can not live without adult supervision. They can’t be trusted with money, and they can’t be trusted to not endanger themselves, and it doesn’t matter what anyone wants. If you’ve been through this with a friend or family member who has been ‘in treatment’ or ‘detox’ more than once, you know this is true.

The solution would be to have these people committed to a care environment where they can be kept busy doing physical labor, something that gets them so tired that at the end fo the day, all they can do is fall into bed.

Instead, many states license ‘sober houses’ where addicts who have been through detox and chill and not be homeless until they are ready to start using again. Colton Vooron recently wrote a very interesting article about this for the New Yorker: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2019/10/21/my-years-in-the-florida-shuffle-of-drug-addiction

Book review: Candy Girl, by Diablo Cody

October 31, 2019

 

 

If you saw the movies ‘Juno’ , ‘Tully’, or ‘More’, you know this woman can tell a story. She can really set a scene, and it’s easy to see how her description of a somewhat sleazy undertaking became a launching pad for her.

Candy Girl is about her foray into the world of ‘exotic dancing’: stripping. She claims she was bored with her job at a marketing agency. Although she was well-liked and promoted, she felt unfulfilled, so she decided to try stripping at local clubs in Minneapolis.

Her boyfriend is all for it, and very supportive. She walks into a club, says she is interested in dancing, and is hired. Just like that. She meets women from all walks of life, and learns how the system works, which she explains in detail. If you’ve seen the Jennifer Lopez movie, ‘Hustlers’, you get a sanitized version of the life. Most women do not do that well. However, they are making more money than they would as elderly companions, cooks, or child care workers.

She explains this, and how she saved enough money for a car and a down payment on a house. This is not erotica. It is a description of work for a better income than she could make from what her college education prepared her for.

I’d like to think of myself as a writer, but this Cody Diablo really paints a picture. This should be a classic. I’m sure you can find it on Amazon. If you’ve ever wondered if this is a possibility for you, read this book. Even if you say, “I could never do this, you will find a brave writer here vividly describing what she and others did.

Daler Singh: Human Trafficking

October 5, 2019

Jimmy Paxon asked me to be on his show, We had been friends since he was a young comedian, so now we’d known each other over 10 years.;  We had stayed in touch, and when I told him I was moving to the USA, he asked if I’d come on the show.  We had been on several times as a group, but now I was solo.  We decided we’d play a duet. Him on trumpet, me on piano, and do the Brian May song, ‘Let me Into Your Heart Again.’  With him on trumpet, it didn’t pay to sing it, and his house orchestra could fill in.

Of course, there was light banter, first, and he asked me how I met Amara.  I answered, “She’s the granddaughter of the man who bought my father.”  That’s how the conversation started.

Jimmy responded, laughing, “You mean brought, don’t you?”

I looked at Jimmy, seriously, and responded, “No, bought. Mr. Glazer bought my father off the port in Dar es Salaam.    Then he brought my father to Arusha.     You know I am from Tanzania, don’t you?”

Jimmy  sort of stared at me, speechless.  My father went on, “ Africa.  My father was a slave. In fact, both he and my mother were trafficked.  They were orphans in India, and they got rounded up and sold as slaves to East Africa.  My father was a houseboy and learned Glazer’s business, and then he bought my mother about 10 years after he came to Africa. Same deal. He went to Dar with Glazer, saw my mother standing there, on the dock. She was a teenager, and he  bought her.”

 Jimmy didn’t know how to respond.  I  guess th8is was a lot to  digest. He sort of hesitated, then he asked, “What year was this?”

 I knew the story.  “It was some time  at the of World War Two, around 1945, Baba thought.  He didn’t know how old he was. He  was going through puberty, he told me.  He  barely understood English. He spoke Hindi, and Glazer started teaching him English, but he also learned what he thinks is Yiddish, and he learned KiSwahili out in the street.”

“Do you know Yiddish?”  Jimmy asked me.

I laughed and said, “No…in fact, I think besides mishegas, the only other Yiddish I know is ‘shtup.’”

The audience laughed at this, because those words vaguely translate into ‘bullshit’ and ‘fuck’.

So Jimmy Paxon was trying to formulate a question, and didn’t know where to go with it, and my I said, “You see,  lots of Europeans didn’t  want black Africans to be houseboys because  they weren’t really used to doing physical labor, certainly not used to doing cooking or laundry,  the main tasks. The women did that.   But the women were kept on a ‘short leash’, to use an expression.  The men wanted wages, but they didn’t want to be disrespected or  subjected to the  racism and insanity of the Europeans, so they’d go back to their homes when they’d had enough.   They’d run away, as the Europeans characterized it.  Sometimes, they’d steal household goods, too.  So, whomever could afford it wanted  an Indian worker, because they couldn’t run off. Where were they going to go? Back across the ocean? To what?  Most were orphans.  After they bought out their contracts, and the Europeans gave them the opportunity to do so, most started some sort of business.  Many were Moslems, and they got absorbed into that community, but my parents both knew they were mixed caste and religion, so they  identified  as Sikh.  So my father was with the Glazers about 10 years, and he knew that Glazer’s son didn’t want to stay in Africa.  He was being educated in England. Anyone with means sent their children back to Europe  or America for education.  So…my father asked to learn the business.  Then he wanted to marry, and because of his social status knew it might be difficult.  He considered marrying an African girl, but he needed bride price in cattle, so it was easier to go buy a girl.  My Ama was as young as he had been, so the Glazers convinced him to actually wait until she was more mature, because if she got pregnant too young she might die or become barren, and he’d lose his investment. So, he did wait, and taught her the household tasks, and Mrs. Glazer also taught her a lot.  When the grandparents  felt it was time to retire, their eldest son didn’t want to live in Africa. He found there was a community of South African Jews in Chicago, where he went to college, and he also met Amara’s mother. They’d return every other summer for a few weeks, to Arusha,  and a his daughters got older, he brought them.  Amara knew me before I had a beard.”

“Interesting,” Paxon responded.  You have older brothers, though.  How is it…”

I laughed, and replied, “How is it neither of my brothers  got Amara? I am not sure. I think either they were afraid of her, or knew my parents would raise holy hell, but I didn’t think of that. When I started going through puberty and the family came to visit, I decided I wanted her, and took advantage of an opportunity.”

The audience started laughing, and Paxon sort of laughed in embarrassment.

I went on,  “I really loved her, but she told me my parents would not allow it. I had to finish my studies.  She went back to America.  She discouraged me because she knew my parents would be  unhappy. So, I met Sita, decided she’d be a good wife, and it lasted 10 years. But both of us were unhappy, so I decided to divorce and find Amara.  I can’t tell you how happy we are.  She completes me, She really does.”

The audience applauded.  Jimmy, though, was still curious about slavery.

“So, in Africa, is there still slavery?”  he asked.

I  looked at him, sighed, and  then said, “You know, you Americans.  You think at the end of your civil war, that was the end of slavery.  Yes, of course. Probably not many are brought from other continents, but there  is slavery.  Some people are born into it.  In fact, humans are still trafficked  all over. From Russia, Ukraine, Cambodia, Bangladesh.  Mostly women. They are lied to, told they’d get good wages. Then ,  their passports taken away. Some are brought by diplomats or other elites.  I’m sure there are slaves in the USA. I mean, why would you have to import a house keeper? Right?  But really, you guys, you allow your  politicians to give aid to countries that  ignore human rights. Your congress people vote on aid packages, and not only don’t ask for an accounting, but don’t tie aid to  government transparency and respect for rule of law!  You give aid to Tanzania, my country of birth.  Granted, we’ve always had high literacy, but for what? An economy that can’t absorb us, so we have to leave—-become essentially, economic refugees, which is why I live in Switzerland half the year.  Look at the social indicators for all the countries you give aid to.  Infant and maternal mortality  remain high, communications infrastructure is lacking. Were it  not for the  Malaysians, most people in Africa wouldn’t have telephones.  Women don’t have access to education or family planning services. You all think you are giving humanitarian aid.  Granted, you do, when there is some sort of natural disaster, but mostly you m give military aid, and the corrupt leaders  use it to terrorize their own people.  “

I  was on a roll.  I went on, after taking a breath, “I work here. I pay taxes here. In your country. Many of us foreign nationals do, and you’ve elected leaders who demonize us foreigners, yet they are ripping you off. My  gosh, they tell you that you can’t have single payer health services,  your ‘Medicare’, for all, but they  take that money & give weapons to dictators.  Wake up.  You don’t have  to futz around for an envelope and a stamp. Email them and tell them you know they do this!  Quit paying attention to  lobbyists and public relations people  who  tell you what to put into  foreign aid appropriations budgets, and. take care of Americans first.  And quit saying  foreigners are not contributing to your tax base!  Start supporting  groups that  address human trafficking!”

I got rousing applause, and then  I said to Jimmy, “Are you sorry you asked? Really, if people want to help the less fortunate in our poor countries, you can  be better environmental stewards, recycle and plant trees and address your carbon footprints.  Quit  supporting  organizations  that withhold family planning services. Don’t support missionaries. We Africans  already know what Christianity is! Support Peace Corps. Were it not for them, I would be a servant in Africa, not an engineer.  In fact, come visit us.  See how we actually live.  For most Africans, the big issue is fresh water. “  I was so worked up.  I hadn’t realized that he didn’t know. There was a lot of applause and of course they went to a commercial, which gave us a little time to recover.

Jimmy said to me, “That was great!  Are you ready?”

I nodded, but looked to Amara. She was in the front row, and she was smiling. I always wanted her there.  I walked over to her and started to kneel, but she stood up and hugged me.  I whispered to her, “What did I do?”

She whispered back, “You were great. You said what needed to be said, It’s true. Americans have no idea.”

I took her hand and said, “Sit next to me on the bench while we do this. You give me strength.”

I was shocked went it went viral on the internet. Well, when I got back from New York, and went to my office,  both my email folder and  voice mail at school were full.  I called Amara and asked her if she had time to help me sort through all the messages, because I wanted every one  addressed.  I had my office secretary change my outgoing  voice mail message until I got  everything cleared up. Amara and I  formulated a response to all who emailed

The Newest Scam: Pretrained Puppies

September 20, 2019

My Saluki as a young dog.Sold as a pet, he finished his AKC championship in fewer than 10 shows.His breeder trained him—& didn’t charge for the training!

Anyone working in service in the pet industry knows…’the fancy ‘ is dying. there are fewer and fewer ETHICAL HOBBY BREEDERS, BREEDING FOR THE BETTERMENT OF THEIR BREEDS.  Often, you have to be on a waiting list  if you want a puppy.  Thus, what is happening is that our clientswho had previously  chosen and owned purebred dogs are buying—-for way too much money—mixed breed ‘designer’ dogs (meaning a mix of 2 breeds) or, trusting  very well produced websites that claim they work with ‘reputable ‘ breeders & will choose a dog for you…without ever meeting you—just what you tell them in an email or on the phone

When I worked in Africa,  the country I was in was, essentially, a dictatorship.  it was a single party system.  One day, the ‘life president’ gave a speech, and of course,the next day it was reported in the  (state owned) newspaper how well-received the speech was to the crowd in the stadium.  I was talking  about it with my co-workers, and they said, “Well Robyn, notice there are no photos of the crowds in the stands.”   You had to read between the lines.

I bring this up because some clients, very nice people, older, no kids, recently bought a dog from a website: http://www.snakerivercanine.com.  They had had two Miniature Schnauzers in a row. The last one had kidney failure (not uncommon in the breed, possibly genetic…), but they kept him alive  for years. They spent a lot of money on veterinary care & there was no doubt they loved him.

I knew that ultimately, they would want to get another Schnauzer puppy, but we got out of touch.  I thought they might call me for a referral to a breeder, but the fact is that not only are local breeders  getting old and no longer breeding, one of the most well known breeders in the country, Joan Huber, who really bred some outstanding dogs, got shut down for  cropping her own dogs ears.  She was arrogant, and invited the wrong people to work for her.  She essentially was a commercial breeder.  However, that’s how it is now. If you want a Miniature Schnauzer that looks and acts like a Miniature Schnauzer, you could have done a lot worse than Blythewood, her kennel. You could have gotten a dog from the so-caled ‘reputable breeders’ that Snake River buys from to resell. How do I know?  Go to their website.  I’ve worked with really reputable breeders for years. so many different bloodlines—and these people have studied their breeds.  You  go to a dog show, and  all  the Miniature Schnauzers are. 13.5 inch dogs —extremely uniform in size—salt and pepper color (sometimes solid black, or black & silver).  & that is the breed.

So, how is it the  Snake River dogs are  parti-colored, liver colored, and even blue eyed?  Well, my client says he got papers, and they are AKC.  & his veterinarian  told him the AKC wouldn’t accept the registration if they weren’t purebred. Huh?  The reason so many dog clubs and truly ethical hobby breeders are taking their stud books back is because the AKC doesn’t enforce their studbooks.   they wil register a camel if you have the papers & submit the fees. They do not sue breeders who breed  mixes and claim they are purebreds. There is no way a purebred Miniature Schanuzer could be liver colored, parti-colored. or have blue eyes unless another breed was in the mix. The odds of  so many  of these livestock/commercial breeders having dogs of these off colors with blue eyes is about a billion to one.

We’re seeing Bulldogs, Pit Bulls, and Pomeranians  with these colors, including merling.  Breeds that for decades (keep in mind, these breeds have been breeding ‘true’ for between 100 and 200 years)—‘rare’, and ‘exotic’ colors. These dogs, no matter what the ‘papers’ say—are not purebred dogs. Those registration papers are only as honest as the breeders.

So, what these sellers do, as you will see from the  website, is buy puppies and ‘train’ them for you.  As we were discussing…aside from housebreaking, leash training, and possibly the ‘sit’, what can these  women be  training for….$6000?

Last year, a client asked us how much we would charge for  housebreaking a puppy. I had no idea. I said $200. What an idiot I am!

Go  back to the Snake Rive website. These women are very good with prose. Still, if you don’t know Schnauzers, you’d think these women have integrity.

I pointed out to my client.  While I am happy they love their puppy,  these women are not honest. They are excellent marketers. They are…Christians (we are Jewish). They believe, I am totally sure…that because Jesus Christ is their savior, they are imperfect people, and even if they lie and cheat people, as long as they ask Jesus for forgeiveness, they will go to Heaven.

They consider those of us with our own ‘moral compass’ to be heathens and a threat.  I sure hope I am a threat.  I am just not as good at ripping people off.

 

What Does ‘Socialization’ of Dogs Mean?

September 7, 2019

Recently, I’ve been fostering  a dog for a breed specific rescue. The dogs—all purebred, were taken from a hoarding situation. We really don’t know that much about them, but what we do know is from our experiences working with all sorts of dogs.

Many of the dogs were injured in dog fights. Some needed stiches. We think they might have been fighting over bitches in season, or possibly food. They are –or were—all ‘skittish’:  they constantly look behind them  when they were walked. They’d try to hide under furniture or cower in crates. Yet, they all were leash trained, all were housebroken, and none of the dogs is a fear-biter.

It seems to me, these dogs were not  abused in the sense they were brutalized or beaten. They were neglected and hadn’t been exposed to  stimulation from the outside world.  Adding to their trauma was how they were captured and moved.

I have worked in kennels that housed  retired racing Greyhounds waiting for pet homes.  For some reason, the ‘do-gooders’ seem to think these dogs were abused.  Clearly, when you compare them to, say, Pit Bulls taken from open admissions shelters, they haven’t been.  All are calm in the kennels, They don’t generally react to  other dogs barking at them.  They approach strangers with their tails wagging, They never bark franticly.  They walk calmly on leashes without pulling.  Most are even houebroken!  It’s clear that most retired Greyhounds were handled in a loving, responsible manner.  Yet, the do-gooders, with no personal evidence, promote the idea that  these dogs are not well cared for, and if they don’t run, they will be killed. Since the 1960s, because I’ve had pet Whippets (we’ve run non-paramutuel races—no betting), I’ve known NGA Greyhound breeders who always tried to give away  dogs that were duds on the track. But those so-called ‘humane activists’ kept writing that these dogs could not be pets! Yes, they’ll chase and kill a small animal…even a small dog. Lots of dogs—even  those cute Yorkies—will do that.  I’d rather take a chance on a Greyhound than a Cocker Spaniel! Ask any dog groomer.

Not all Pit Bulls are killers. The irony is that many are ‘non-social’ because they’ve been taken from their dams  when they are barely weaned. The backyard breeders of Pits  want to GET RID OF THEM ASAP, so they don’t allow dogs to learn to be dogs and negotiate how to get along with their littermates. That’s the reason so man Pits (& other popular breeds) are nonsocial.

I work for several hobby breeders, and they  do what they think is right in terms of socialization for their puppies. They usually have TV or radio on.  They run the vacuum cleaner around them. They get the pups being used to getting brushed, having their toenails trimmed, and bathed.  What they usually don’t do is take them out to get used to street sounds.

I got my first puppy when he was three-months-old.  I started walking him all over, and allowing people to touch him.     He was an Afghan Hound, and they usually grow out of their puppy personalities when they are a little over a year, and start becoming aloof.  He was aloof!  However,he was never fearful.

My foster dog is adjusting to all the city sounds.  She had, apparently some training, because she responds to the typical obedience commands that pet dogs are often taught.  As we work with her, she will gain more of an attention span, and gain confidence, and not be so skittish.

When we go to dog training classes, we see many puppies.  Decades ago,  for some reason (because we didn’t really understand how animals learn)  pet owners were encouraged  to wait until a dog was at least a year old before beginning training.   These days, we know that as soon as the dog has gotten immunizations,  the dog can join others in training classes. The dog trained young doesn’t have a chance to develop bad habits.  We call this behavior shaping, and it works.

Socialization  is  the  dog being comfortable with other friendly dogs,  being responsive to the humans  the dog lives with, and  being comfortable in his environment. That’s what we mean when a dog is socialized.

 

What is He Thinking?

September 2, 2019

I don’t know if I am going through a hormonal change, a psychological epiphany, or what. Maybe I am just more accepting of myself. An emotional coming to terms. Or is it that I accomplished something I didn’t expect to accomplish.

I am always setting goals for myself. A goal I’ve had for several years with one of my dogs has been to continue to compete and attain performance titles for and with her. If you don’t understand dog training, it’s just too complicated for me to address in this post, and that is not why I am writing. Competing with her, the last several months we’ve had setbacks because she has not qualified at trials. It’s always my fault, but I have developed a fear that I have set the tone for her not qualifying, so I have to reassess.

That is not as interesting to me now as trying to figure out what a male friend is thinking. I can’t describe him as an old boyfriend, because although we had a sexual relationship, and good conversations, it was barely a relationship at all. He made it clear he did not want me as a girlfriend about 30 years ago. He set the terms and I took what I could get. I don’t think I ever really got to know him, as he would not allow it. Nor did he get to know me, because he didn’t want to. There was always a wall. I knew the wall was there. He discounted that it was important…but it was. He was not part of my social circle, and I was not part of his social circle. It was what it was. It faded out when I started living with my current roommate almost 20 years ago.

I realized that I trusted my roommate, whom I barely knew, almost more than I trusted most people. We do not have a sexual or emotional relationship, but we have managed to live together for almost two decades. He’s reliable. I found that I valued that trait more than I valued any other trait in anyone. He could be trusted. Living with him made me realize I had made too many compromises to have a sexual relationship. In a recent book I wrote, which I hope to have published within a year, I address integrity, and also what I would not compromise on just so I could be in a relationship, or have children. No regrets on that front.

Maybe I should give this time and it will sort itself out on its own, but I know from experience that when you allow things to ‘just happen’, there is a lot of miscommunication, and I don’t want to waste time on unrealistic expectations. I will just say…he’s back, and he wants to spend time together, and I’m wondering why. Seriously. Does he just want to be social, or what?

The people I usually hang with are women. Except for my roommate, I don’t hang with any men. The men we knew in our younger days have either married, moved away, or died. Some we cut loose because they were either substance abusers, or weren’t making a living. Now this guy, he had great potential, and he squandered it. He supported family members who made bad choices, he indulged himself, and now he isn’t economically where I am. I am not rich, but I don’t have to worry from day to day.

So, what I want, if we are going to continue seeing each other regularly, is to not be regarded as a mere amusement. Of, if I am going to be regarded that way, that I be amused as well. You don’t want us to be part of each other’s social circle? Fine. What are you offering here?

What Ever Happened to Chemistry?

August 15, 2019

Me (Robyn) at Vic Falls

So, I’m  on a few dating sites, including ‘Plenty of Fish’ and ‘Match’.  I bet I also appear on other sites these companies own.  I am on a few other obscure sites, like Elite Singles , but never, ever do I get responses from any men remotely suitable.  That said, I’ve had a few friends who met their husbands on dating sites, but they were younger than I am now.  From Match and POF, however , I’ve been getting responses from men who look at my posted photos, do not read my profile, and it’s  pretty much a waste of time. Why?

Often times, , even if they are younger than I am, they look like my father.  No thanks. Then, there are the guys who  clearly live over  an hour away, and haven’t put much thought into travel time.

I was an anthropology undergraduate, and what I learned about forming relationships—-especially romantic relationships—-is that personal attraction/’chemistry  is important, and you can’t determine that online .

So…. several very attractive men have told me distance is no object. Really?  You  know,  it is to me, I would be reluctant to schlep out to where you live, and that you might be hiding a wife or girlfriend.   But I do  tell them my zip code and 2 cross streets a block away, and suggest they get in the car and tell me how long it takes from where they live. They disappear…

Then, there are they guys who think being Christian (Catholic, even!) to my  Judaism/other, should not be a big deal.  What they do not understand about being an ‘other’ is that Jews don’t  prostelytize. I’m not religious at all, but  why wouuld I give pleasure to a man who supports  evangelism, and worse—- paying legal fees for a bunch of pedophiles?  That’s what identifying with a religion like that means to me.  Are they viewing me as an adventure?  So they can sin with me but ultimately settle down with a nice Christian/Catholic girl?  I’m 65…that’s a really big risk —to be vulnerable to such a man.

But we also have the guys who  tell me they are not religious…but they want to get to know me better before meeting in person.  Yet you ask, “In what way?” and they  don’t have a response.

One of my very dear friends describes me as ‘bitchy.’  Well, I’m not sweet and ladylike, that’s true. If I had been, I could have never accumulated any wealth, owned a home, or  trained dogs.  I’m a pretty tough broad.  That said, because am not ladylike, I learned to be a good lay.

I was a founder of one of the first community based recycling  centers in the USA.  I still source separate my garbage. I was also active implementing public school reform and community policing.  I’m pround of these accomplishments, and that I was a ‘judge of elections’ for years.

So, how much  history do these ‘nice guys’ need?  How many sibblings  I have doesn’t matter. That I have no debt except my home (I owe under $30,000) & pay off my credit cards  every month does matter…& I want to know this about them.  I want to know how old they were when they first had sex.  I want to know  their kinks, if they admit to any.  I don’t want to be tied up, spanked, or a few other things involving pain or force.  Have they ever seen an illustrated copy of the Kama Sutra? If sex isn’t important to them, what do they want?

In my profile, I stateI have lived with the same male roommate for over 18 years. He’s like a brother except he’s  more reliable and sober.  I rarely dine out alone, but I often go to movies and exhibits on my own amd I’ve traveled many times myself.   I don’t want to have to accomodate another person who has strong opinions about how to do things, not if I am relaxing.

I was wrongly arrested once, before we had community policing. It could happen again, but the  commander apologized and I had my arrest record expunged.  I’ve had  3 tickets in my life for moving violations.

In my 65  years, I’ve owned 8 dogs.  They mostly lived—-6 of them— to be old and unfortunately, I euthanized them when their quality of life became bad.  Nobody  lingered.  People who understand dogs understand that most people wait too long.  Now, 1 dogs is 8 and the other is 11.  I’ve made most of my living grooming and  training dogs, but I’ve also been a prudent investor.

I am a left over hippie.  I took  LSD, peyote, and mescaline in my younger days, and when marijuana is legal again, I will probbly keep a stash.  I rarely drink. Alcohol is not my drug of choice.

I am a Wobbly in arrears…Industrial Workers of the World, an anarco-sydicalist.  If you saw Warren Beatty’s move, “Reds,’ you  know a little of the history.  Yes, in my heart, I believe in small economies…but infrastructure doesn’t pay for itself.  Also, I’ve worked in  businesses that were run as ‘collectives’ by default because an owner  didn’t think having a manager was important.  Even if elected, somebody has to be the manager—the fall guy.

Finally, I have a portfolio of nudes of me: drawings, paintings, photography.  One of the photographers I worked for got me an assistantship to graduate school.  It’s a persona.  It was a job.  So this blog is about all I  can think of. I’m afraid  these do guys are not as adventurous  as they say they are or think they are.

I give as good as I get.  I am, actually, trying to scare off the ‘faint of heart’.  I hope this works.

How this On-line Dating Thing Works

June 16, 2019

I haven’t had an actual date in over 40 years. Let’s start with that.  Why?  The guy I was with was not just a cheapskate…he didn’t want anyone seeing him with a white woman in public.  He won’t admit it, and things have changed…but too late.  He had his chance  and blew it royally.

I really don’t know why his mindset changed, but I know why  my mindset did.  I’ve been living with a man for  almost  20 years.  We do not have a physical relationship.  I am not his ‘cup of tea’.  Because I’m a woman, I accept that, and I accept that we get along well as roommates.  He’s the most reliable man I ever met.  He gives me stability.  I incorporated  aspects of our relationship into my book, ‘Polyandress’, which should be  published aroung the end of 2019.

I was lucky to have  a couple of  good, adventurous, tender, giving lovers in my  younger days.  Are any of those men still out there at the age I am?

Pickings are slim.  As my sister says, we’re lucky to have a gene which keeps our skin looking good.  We’ve aged relatively well.  I am finding men even younger than I am  often look old enough to be my father.  Appearances don’t matter to a lot of guys,  they matter to me.

Another issues is that these guys  are…lonely.  I am not lonely.  I want ‘romance’.  Is that a euphemeism for  an interesting sex life? Guilty.  But, as my grandmother told us over 50 years ago…these guys are looking for a cook and a nurse.

I bet a lot of women over 50 , particularly those who have no retirement plan except Social Security, are looking for a guy to improve their ‘quality of life’ in an economic way.  Spreading costs between  2 Social Securuty checks is a good plan if you have nothijng. That’s not me.

I own property, I have a retirement plan I built via research and  investing.  I am, if a  guy  pushes, looking for a guy to keep me in the style to which I would like to become accostomed.  I am accustomed to the style I live in already.  Both my grandmothers  told us girls that this was what we should aim fior.

Crass?  You can be stupid when you are young and think you are in love. I am not looking to make my economic situation more precarious.

Unfortunately….these dating sites leave a lot to be desired.    No matter what parameters you put in, they suggest  guys who don’t meet your criteria. Proximity is important. They ‘match’ you with guys way too far away.  Maybe some women don’t care &  are willing to move. I’ve had long distance relationships and I am not interested. I say in my profile, I am not looking  for a guy  obesessed with spectator sports. They send  profiles of guys who love a sports team or love to watch them on TV.  I say I am not looking for a Christian guy. They send Christians.  Not guys under or over a certain age. Too many. Or, the guy is in my age range, but you look at his profile, and HE wants someone younger.  I say I am a progressive. Do I have to spell it out?  Trump supporters respond, Ugh.  On one site, I get responses from men  overseas, 30 years younger.  Please…

On ‘Plenty of Fish’,, in the past two months:   A guy who wanted to know my bra size (I am busty…you don’t need to know  that until you are prepared to buy me a bra); two Christian guy who go to churche every week (&  they wondered why that should matter); and 3 guys who said ‘Let’s Meet’, and I said, “Great!  Pick a time and a date’ and they didn’t follow through.  So much for taking a risk.

Both Match  and  JDate want you to pay extra to actually be put in touch. so, you really don’t know who, like me, put up a profile, then didn’t actually pay.  So you can’t meet.

On all sites,  a few—I’d say less than 5%—-seem really good looking, fun, and interesting—-but are over 40 miles away. We’re too old to deal with that distance.

I bet these sites work if you are under the age of 40, or if you are willing to give up your life and  move to a strange place for  what you hope to be a romance and marriage..  I may be interested in moving after I’ve actuly formed a relatioship with a man, but not now.

So, this has beenmy experience.