A White Woman


I am  almost embarrassed to title this particular blog this way, but  the fact is that this is still a racist country, and people have stereotypes in their heads.

My sister is a strong broad.  She doesn’t put up with any bs from her men.  She met her first husband as a teenager, and forgave him for his stupidity many times, and finally divorced him…but  the timing was that  by the  3rd or 4th time he had gotten drunk and abusive, she had found another guy.

Her first husband could not believe S was divorcing him, but no matter. S had moved on.
She  was with D for  about 10 years or so.   He was a very sweet guy.  They moved to a  house that he fixed up.  S even  paid for vanity license plates that said, “I love D–.” w

We’ll never get a straight story on this, but she met J at a Chamber of Commerce meeting, and  she & he moved in to one of her businesses. Sordid.  She just told me, “I fell out of love with D.”  No further explanation.  It was particularly sad that while D was suffering the loss of S, he was also diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, and it was a very bad year.  S was asking  friends & family to be supportive of D.
D had several years  before lost his son  in a horrible accident.  I felt so bad for him.  He did nothing to deserve this.  My sister  was  being unethical (to say the least).

My sister lived with J for  a couple of years. He was a very nice guy.  He did computer networking—installed hardware.   Our grandmother  mentioned that J was a LOT younger than S.  I didn’t see that much of an age difference.
However..as my sister  said, when J  got paid $500—he actually thought he had $500. He’d go to the bar and  buy everyone drinks & not pay his bills. She  saw that  they had very different views on managing money.

Then  S met  F—  through a dating site. She had been dating  a lot (S is very pretty and vivacious), but  felt F was the  one.  They  went to Las Vegas to marry.  It was very fast. At least it seemed that way to the rest of the family.

F had 2 daughters, young adults.  Both  were in their  early  twenties.  Both had babies.  1.  My very socially conservative  roommate overheard A complaining to  F, her father, that she wasn’t making enough working at  a Taco Bell to even pay for disposable diapers.  At the time, neither  girl was married to the father of her child.   B, while she ultimately married the father of her son, due  to  a very unfortunate set of events (enough for another blog),  divorced him and decided  she  no longer wanted to parent her infant son.  Since S  and F did not want the baby to go into the foster care system, they took him. Now, in Illinois, they would qualify as foster parents and be entitled to a subsidy (which they  need, as neither S nor F are  great money managers), but, because  B wants  to collect public aid—even though she does not have the child, S and F can’t file or B  will make sure the child goes into the foster care system.  It gets better. The B became pregnant again, and her aunt is parenting that child.  It doesn’t end there.  B became pregnant a third time, and  is living with the father (we think the guy is the father—a high school drop-out in his 30’s who does odd jobs).

The rest of us wondered  why  B didn’t just become a surrogate parent and get paid since she loves being pregnant, but not  particularly taking care of her kids.  S  just said, “You know,  she’s just stupid.  Some people are just stupid. They don’t plan ahead. Life just happens to them, and the rest of us have to pick up the  pieces.”  Do we?

Think about this.  We all resent these people, but  there is nothing we can do to stop them from being irresponsible. That’s just how it is.  I don’t believe we should give them any money  to  be stupid.  I think we should give them housing and food, and  make sure their  time is filled with learning to budget, plan, and what the rest of us expect.  The truth is, however, they are not as big a drain as the banks we bailed out in 2007, or the  giant automakers (we didn’t actually cut the salaries and bonuses of the people in charge), or AIG, or  the  Iraq and Afghanistan wars.  Plus, those wars  actually destroyed the lives of a lot of  productive citizens  who, for some odd reason, thought they were fighting for  our freedom.  Neither Iraq or Afghanistan will EVER be democracies with stable economies. EVER.

In Chicago, we’ve had a couple of mayors who’ve  sold our  economic stability to  private firms out of greed, and  we have a system where our alderman take no responsibility for signing off on this. I guess we have to choose what we get outraged about.

I am not sure what the solution is to  women continually getting pregnant by guys who have no intention of supporting a child, but I do know it is not a race thing.  It is a stupid thing.

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